I’m a woman in my 20s.
At the beginning of December, a man and I talked about meeting sometime after New Year’s. We didn’t set a specific date.
The day before yesterday, the man suggested a specific date, but in the meantime, I had agreed to become exclusive with another papa (a male supporter).
I met the man in question at the end of November, and we had only met once. We had exchanged no LINE messages beyond the “Let’s meet after New Year’s” conversation mentioned above, so I had completely forgotten about him.
I had told him that I was seeing another papa, and I meet that papa about once a week.
In response to the date proposed by the man from the day before yesterday, I sent him a message saying, “I can’t meet you anymore. Thank you, and take care.” He replied that “Going back on a commitment you had made is lacking in sincerity.”
It was certainly my fault that I didn’t contact him to decline when I made the arrangement with my papa, and perhaps I could have worded my message better.
However, I’m wondering whether this really counted as a commitment. Until we had set a specific date, I didn’t think it was a firm enough promise to warrant terms like “going back on it.” Is my sense of things unusual?
I’m sorry for the rather basic question, but I’d like to hear how everyone else views making plans.
It’s Nana Ayase☆
So you’re narrowing it down to a one-on-one arrangement? Are you sure that’s okay? There may be times when it isn’t truly one-on-one.
And you met him in November, so why are you worrying about it now? How much time has passed?
He was a small-minded man anyway. He might even try to say there won’t be any allowance. Just forget him completely.
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I’m Dai, a male member.
You had told him that you’d meet after the New Year, right?
So if you ended things with, “I can’t see you anymore. Thank you for everything. Take care,” I can understand why it came across as a little cold.
If you had explained the situation to him to the extent you did here, I feel he would have understood.
It wasn’t exactly a firm promise, and I wouldn’t go so far as to say you broke it. He was simply annoyed by the way you handled things.
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Your feelings are perfectly normal, and I don’t think the relationship had progressed to the point where you needed to give him a clear rejection.
You probably could have brushed him off by saying something like, “I’m pretty busy, so it might be difficult to meet up.”
—Paper Airplane
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Column writer Fuu here.
Since you hadn’t actually agreed on a specific date, I wouldn’t go so far as to call it breaking a promise.
You’re the one ending things, so you’re already in the stronger position. You don’t need to get worked up over their parting shot—just let it go. If the breakup is final, block them on LINE or hide the chat so you don’t have to see it anymore.
If you’re the kind of person who’s better off sticking with just one person, then that’s fine. I’m not saying your way of thinking is wrong, but if I were a papa-katsu girl, I wouldn’t limit myself to one person. I’d date two or three people at once. If you focus on just one person and then things end, your allowance won’t be stable, so I’d diversify the risk (lol).
Of course, this is all hypothetical—if Fuu were a woman...
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I’m Aya, a female member.
Lots of customers at restaurants say, “That was delicious! I’ll come back,” but never do. I think that man’s sense of things is simply a little off.
That said, if all you said was, “I can’t see you anymore,” without giving any reason, he may have found it suspicious.
So next time, I think it would be better to give some kind of explanation, such as, “I’m sorry, but I’ve met someone else I like…”
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
Like the person asking the question, if no specific date had been set yet—especially when you’ve only met once—I don’t think it’s something serious enough to be called “breaking your promise.”
He was probably just disappointed.
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You sound like a wonderful woman who faithfully honors her one-on-one commitments.
If you no longer plan to meet the person you were supposed to see after New Year’s, you could simply leave things as they are. Or you could be honest and say that you’ve found someone who wants an exclusive one-on-one relationship. I don’t think that would be a problem either.
If you’d regret losing her, you should make sure to keep her by your side.
Marika
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