I hesitate when the man is in his late 50s, so I can’t seem to move beyond dinner…
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Should I just take the plunge, have an adult relationship (intimate), and then decide whether to continue?
I don’t want him to do things I dislike, such as deep kissing or making me give oral sex the whole time.
How can I gently communicate that?
Also, our next date is a lunch date lasting about four hours. Would it be better to tell him face-to-face during the meal, “I would like to receive ○ for an adult relationship (intimate). If that works for you, let’s go to a room afterward,” or should I tell him the day before?
I’m Aya, a female member.
I think it’s best not to bring up the allowance during lunch, since negotiating it yourself might put him off.
As you already understand, it seems the only way to find out is to go to a hotel with him once. If he tries to pressure you into anything you don’t want, you’ll just have to firmly refuse. But considering the risk of ending up uncomfortable, it’s perfectly fine to stick to dinner only (no intimacy).
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I’m Dai, a male member.
If you’re satisfied with the allowance you’re currently receiving for dinner dates, I think it’s best to keep things as they are and continue with dinner dates.
If he brings up wanting to move on to an adult relationship (intimate), negotiate the allowance at that point.
As for oral, you could tell him something like, “I’m not comfortable being made to do that the whole time…” He’ll probably understand.
Some men really enjoy deep kissing, so if his breath isn’t too bad, why not try going along with it to some extent…?
If you say you don’t want to do this or that too much, he may see you as someone with a lot of restrictions—like a sex worker—and lose interest.
Good luck.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
I think you just have to try it once. I don’t think it’s a good idea to bring it up, even indirectly, but if you absolutely want to avoid it, you could subtly mention it in your comments about the woman.
I’d also recommend not being the one to bring up the allowance for an adult relationship (intimate) with the woman.
If you don’t want the lunch dates to continue, choose Type C so that the topic of the allowance comes up during the first date.
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