I’ve gone on dates with five men so far, and four of them asked for my real name on the first date.
Why do men want to know your real name?
Some even ask for my last name as well…
It makes me a little scared.
With the later ones, I gave them an alias, but at first I honestly told them my full real name.
Could the club staff ever pass my real name on to them?
Also, when you’re asked to give your real name, what do you ladies do?
I know some people might think I’m being conceited for hesitating to give my real name even though I’m not a celebrity, but I keep my papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) private from everyone around me, and I don’t want to tell them.
When I feel afraid, I immediately think there won’t be any adult relationship (intimate) with that person…
I’d appreciate your responses.
I’m Nana Ayase ☆
Every now and then, someone asks me to tell them my real name,
but… I don’t.
Sometimes people ask, “What should I call you?” In that case, I only tell them my first name.
I don’t think the staff would ever reveal my real name.
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I’m Dai, a male member.
Unless the relationship has progressed, I never ask for a woman’s real name myself.
Once we exchange LINE IDs, I’m satisfied if I can at least learn her given name.
That said, sometimes even after exchanging LINE IDs, all I get is an emoji or a single letter of the alphabet as her name.
I assume she must be very wary.
But if she still won’t even tell me her given name after we’ve met several times, I might start wondering whether to continue seeing her.
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That man is either mistaken or getting a little too full of himself.
You don’t need to tell him.
In my case, the men who gave me their business cards never asked outright either. They said, “Calling you by your club name feels a bit odd—what should I call you?”
One man, at our second dinner, had looked up my full name, workplace, and various other details before coming. It sent a chill down my spine.
Akari
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I don’t understand why you’d ask about it right from the first meeting.
To begin with, I don’t see why the man needs to ask.
If you’ve built enough trust, the woman may bring it up herself—whether that’s on the first day or whenever she feels ready. But if the man asks her about it first…
Paper Airplane
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I’m Fuu, a columnist.
You were really asked that many times, huh?
I don’t ask women their names myself.
They usually tell me their first name on LINE.
The club staff never disclose their real names.
If someone asks, I think it’s perfectly fine to firmly say:
- “Please call me by my name on LINE.”
- “Please call me by my club name.”
I wouldn’t think you were being presumptuous at all.
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I’m Aya, a female member.
I’ve hardly ever been asked for my real name, even from the first date onward. So I wondered if this was a tendency specific to men these days. But if you’re not planning to become close, I can understand not wanting to share it.
If I were asked on the first date, I’d probably say something like, “I’m registered with the club under the name ○○, but I’d love it if you called me ××♪” and sweetly ask them to use a nickname based on my first name. If you say it with a smile, they probably won’t worry about the fact that you haven’t shared details like your surname.
After that, though, be sure to ask for the man’s real name, workplace, and so on. It’s give and take, after all. If a man wants to know your name, he should be willing to tell you his. If he starts being vague at that point, there’s no need for you to share anything more specific either.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
There are really that many? As the relationship continues, women sometimes tell me their real names, but I’ve never asked. I wonder why he wants to know.
I don’t think the club staff would tell a male member a woman’s real name. There’s nothing in it for them, and if it got out that they’d done something like that, they’d be in serious trouble.
I don’t think you’re getting carried away. It would be creepy if he used your real name to track down your social media accounts. Maybe that’s why he wants to know.
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Maezawa from the president’s office will answer as well.
> Is there any chance the club staff might give him my real name?
No, there isn’t.
We generally communicate using our club names, so I’ve gotten to the point where my club name almost feels like my real name.
If it did happen, I imagine the staff member would face disciplinary action.
> Why do men want to know your real name?
They simply want to know more about you.
They may ask because they feel that if you tell them, it means you trust them—using it as a kind of barometer of trust.
But asking from the very first meeting, when there’s no trust yet, is contradictory.
> What do women do when they’re asked to share their real name?
I can’t speak for everyone, but I think most women stick with their club name and don’t reveal their real name.
You could also try saying something like, “That’s a seeecret ♥”
It’s probably best to learn a few ways to gracefully dodge the question.
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