I’m starting to feel worn down because I often feel like I’m seen as nothing more than a way to satisfy someone’s urges. Since I’m the one receiving money, I thought I could put up with some unpleasant things and treat it as a transactional relationship, but I don’t think I can take it anymore. How can I learn to treat papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) as just a job?

I’m Flagmaker, a papa-katsu column writer. This is a difficult issue for me too. If I had money to spare and could pay a generous monthly allowance, meet eight times a month, and make four of those adult relationships, then I could offer the kind of arrangement the questioner is looking for. But in reality, I don’t have an endless supply of money or free time. Another option would be to meet three times a month on a pay-per-meeting basis, with one of those being dinner only—and still pay the adult allowance even on the dinner-only date. But I can’t quite afford to put on that kind of show of generosity. ^^ So all I can really do is have an adult relationship every time we meet and behave courteously.

I’m Dai, a male member. Personally, I part ways with women who see this as just a job. If the relationship is limited to dinner followed by going to a hotel, it might be mistaken for simply satisfying sexual urges. But what I want is to enjoy sex together with a woman. Questioner, do you clearly communicate when there’s something you don’t like? If you just endure things you dislike without saying anything, while the man’s only goal is to ejaculate, it doesn’t sound like either of you is having much fun.

I’m a male member—and a total loser. If you have a major goal that goes beyond simply making money, I think you only need to focus on that goal. That’s what I do. In my case, I’m aiming for ever-greater heights as a businessman, so being mocked or talked down to at a papa-katsu level doesn’t really bother me. In the past, whenever I saw someone trying to one-up or mock others, I’d think, “What an idiot.” Then I moved on to thinking, “This is just a pathetic person who feels insecure unless they look down on someone else.” These days, I can laugh at people who try to one-up me, and I’ll probably become indifferent to them eventually. I have things to do and goals to achieve, after all. If you see papa-katsu as being “for the money,” it’s going to be painful the whole way. So try picturing what you want to do or become after making that money. If you can reach the point of thinking, “Fine, I’ll spread my legs if it helps me achieve my bigger goal,” you may feel a little better. Think about it carefully: even if some arrogant, condescending papa is acting all superior, he’s still just a small-time guy who can only offer a pathetic allowance. A man’s worth ultimately comes down to his financial strength. I know that firsthand because I used to be broke. It’s a waste to get upset or hurt over some useless papa who can’t even make decent money. So instead, it might help to get to the point where you can think: “He’s an idiot, so I’ll spread my legs for him just this once. Go on, put it in. You’ll finish right away anyway, won’t you? Heh. I’m using you to achieve my own goals, you moron♡” It’s also important to act convincingly so your extremely transactional attitude doesn’t show. If you’re looking down on your papa in your head, you can still put on an act, right? Do your best. When you’re dealing with a ridiculously arrogant papa, you don’t owe him anything. You don’t need to be grateful for even a tiny bit, and there’s no reason to hold back. But since you want to squeeze as much money out of him as possible, don’t forget to act like, “I really like you, papa♡” Ideally, you’d be able to enjoy papa-katsu instead of treating it as a transactional relationship. But from my perspective, I can’t help thinking, “Isn’t that just something from a fantasy world?” In reality, if you can’t enjoy something, you can’t enjoy it. And when you need the money to get by, you can’t simply quit papa-katsu. In that case, I think you should harden your heart and use your charm to squeeze money out of men for the sake of your bigger goals. For the record, there are times when I feel like looking down on other people too. Sometimes I even do it. Whenever that happens, I regret it intensely. I ask myself, “What the hell am I doing? Am I an idiot? What is it that you actually want to do? Where did your goals go? Just die already, you idiot.” I give myself a thorough dressing-down.

I’m Kamihikoki, a male member. If it’s not for you, there’s no tougher ordeal. But if it is, there’s nothing more enjoyable.

I’m Taro, a male member. Anything below simply satisfying someone’s sexual urges is basically sex work. People in that industry face that reality head-on, provide the service properly, and work hard to earn their money. A dating club is different from sex work, so if things have started taking on that kind of flow, it’s better to correct course. Using a dating club to do sex work under the label of a transactional relationship is wrong and inconsiderate to others. Instead of asking, “How can I make this transactional?” the right question is, “How can I keep this from turning into something like sex work?” If you explain exactly what happened, too, I’m sure the other respondents can offer some helpful advice.

I’m Aya, a female member. Specifically, what level of unpleasantness did you experience? Depending on that, it might be serious enough to make you quit papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), or it might be something you can manage with a few adjustments. As an aside, even though I viewed papa-katsu as a kind of “job where you receive compensation,” I never found it emotionally difficult. Thinking about why, I may simply have been suited to sales and customer service from the start. For someone who isn’t, having to be liked as much as possible by older men they’ve just met would probably feel nothing but exhausting.

I’m Maezawa from the CEO’s Office, and I’ll answer this as well. There’s no point in seeing someone who treats you in ways you dislike. I think you should only spend time with people who make you feel happy to be with them or make you think, “This is a good person.” This isn’t a job, so if you find yourself thinking that something is unpleasant or painful, it may simply be that you’re not compatible with that person. Apparently, finding the right person can be difficult, but there are good people out there. I hope you find someone who’s a good match for you.

I’m Kazu, a male member. I don’t think papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) is a job. If it’s becoming too much for you, I think you should quit.