What specifically should I do to become friends with people my own age?
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It’s a huge advantage to be friendly with your classmates before exams so you can get past exam papers and other materials. Even students who aren’t very bright can make use of that and avoid having to retake exams.
I’ve started to wonder whether academic success depends less on intelligence and more on communication skills—almost like an essential skill for getting through university…
Of course, there are people who can succeed through their intelligence alone without relying on anyone, but I feel they’re a tiny minority.
I mostly get along with older men, don’t hang out with anyone from my class, and attend lectures by myself.
I’ll talk if someone speaks to me, but I don’t initiate conversations. I used to think it was unproductive.
But recently, I’ve realized that not being friendly with my classmates often puts me at a disadvantage. When I’m alone, information about past exam papers and upcoming tests doesn’t reach me.
It may also be because the coursework has become more complex and science-oriented as I’ve moved into the later years…
Memorization-based subjects are really difficult unless you narrow down the material…
The pharmacy students sitting around me may have it even harder, but they all seem to study together and get along so well…
How can I become friends with people my own age? What do you talk about?
What kind of student were you during your school years?
I’d appreciate any advice.
Thank you.
I’m effectively a middle-school dropout, so I can’t really keep up with the conversation...
You’ve all clearly studied a lot. I was impressed reading your answers. I was really bad at studying.
Thankfully, academic knowledge in Japan has almost nothing to do with business.
—A loser guy
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I’m Dai, a male member.
Only a portion of university students are expected to have exceptionally strong academic abilities.
Students who aren’t held to such high academic standards can sometimes get through university even while taking it easy, as long as they have the communication skills to navigate society well.
That said, even if you simply copy past reports, the best grade you’ll get is probably a “B”—you won’t receive an “A.”
If you’re already in your later years, your classmates have likely completed most of their credits and are coming to campus less often.
Since it’s difficult to make friends you can rely on at this point, work hard and aim for the top of your class.
I’m a science major, so I only relied on things like past reports for unimportant subjects such as general education courses. I studied my specialized subjects on my own.
I had a lot of friends, but I never became friends with people for ulterior motives, like getting past exam papers from them.
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If you let go of the mindset of, “I usually date older men, and people my age are too childish for me to relate to—I’m such a cool, mature woman,” you’ll probably be able to make friends normally.
Dating older men and getting along with people your own age aren’t mutually exclusive.
That said, from the way you’ve written this, it’s pretty clear that you’re trying to use potential friends for your own benefit—to help you pass your exams. So either hide that motive better, or be honest that you’re genuinely struggling, approach them humbly, and ask for help.
And honestly, if you’re going to play the mysterious lone-wolf type, at least pass your exams without making a fuss. This is just embarrassing.
Marika
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Perhaps you should start by being more humble.
The fact that you describe the people around you as idiots makes you seem rather lacking in character. I think it’s difficult for someone who does everything based on profit and loss to earn people’s trust. Maybe, like those older men, you feel that something is pointless unless you’re being showered with attention.
In the end, it all comes down to people—those who help you and those you can motivate and grow alongside.
I basically always studied alone, but my friends, as well as my seniors and juniors, were important to me. The time I spent with them was enjoyable and meaningful.
I served as a class representative, an exam committee member, and a graduation exam committee member. Even though it could be a hassle, it turned out to be a very valuable experience.
I may have lacked confidence in myself, but I believed that looking down on others would only make me a more pathetic and small-minded person.
Akari
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
I think the way to become friends with people your own age is to talk to them and spend time doing things together.
Communication skills may help you get by smoothly in society, but they aren’t the same as academic ability.
When I was a student, I had my own world, but I still interacted with my classmates enough to get what we called “keitai” (trends and countermeasures). That’s what we called it back then.
It’s give-and-take in any world, so if you can offer your classmates something they want, I think they’ll be happy to give you “keitai.”
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