I have a question about how many papas to date. I received offers and met with around five people. They all said they’d like to see me again, but I feel that continuing to meet with as many as five people may be difficult for me, given my personality. At the same time, I wonder if I should push myself a little and continue seeing them since they’re all nice, considering that some relationships may naturally come to an end and I don’t know whether I’ll receive any more offers.

Maezawa from Shachoshitsu here as well. It certainly sounds difficult to date five people at the same time. But as you said, the number will naturally decrease over time, so I think you should continue seeing all five for now. After about six months, I have a feeling you’ll be down to two or three. If you’re worried, you could put everyone except your main person on a once-a-month schedule. At once a month, seeing five people in parallel shouldn’t be all that difficult. One person once a week, another once every two weeks, and the rest once a month. That would work out to about nine or ten dates a month, which seems manageable. If we assume an allowance of ¥50,000 per date, that’s ¥450,000–¥500,000 a month. At ¥70,000 per date, it would be ¥630,000–¥700,000. At ¥100,000 per date, ¥900,000–¥1,000,000. So there you have it.

I’m Dai, a male member. Because of COVID, I’ve lost contact with almost all of the women who lived far away. These days, I regularly see about three women locally, and sometimes make a new offer about once a month to replace someone. For various reasons, the number of people you’re seeing will probably decrease over time. If all five men seem like good prospects, I recommend continuing to see them in parallel. Relationships often end after just two or three dates, so the difficult part is only at the beginning. You tend to receive the most offers at first, so if someone stops seeing you and you then try to find a new man, it may not be easy.

I’m Date◎Yume, a male member. I only see one woman myself (lol). It leaves me with more room financially and emotionally. Since women can’t always count on receiving offers, I think it’s okay to stretch yourself a little at first. Over time, some connections will naturally fade, and in the end, I think having just one or two is enough. It seems the woman I’m seeing initially had offers from several men as well, but I assume some of them cut things off. Now, I believe she only sees one person.

I’m Paper Airplane, a male member. I see two women at least once a week, and about three others once or twice a month. Usually, we meet when the women contact me. With the ones I see once or twice a month, though, the intervals can get longer if they take longer to reach out. If they start contacting me too frequently, I’ll sometimes schedule our next date further out. > Considering that some relationships may naturally end and the number of people you’re seeing may gradually decrease—and you don’t know whether you’ll receive another offer—should I make a bit of an effort to keep seeing everyone, since they’re all good people…? When it comes to evaluating the men you’re seeing, I recommend looking for men who want to meet three or four times a month, or even more if possible, even if they can’t actually meet that often. The reason is that you can easily gauge how much a man likes you by how often he wants to see you. If he only wants to meet up to twice a month, you can say that you’re not necessarily a particular favorite of his, and that he wouldn’t be too disappointed if things ended at any time. If there’s a man who wants to see you frequently, prioritize him. If there isn’t anyone like that yet, it’s probably best not to narrow things down too much for a while, until someone like that comes along. Also, I don’t think you can tell whether you’re both capable of continuing the relationship until you’ve met around four or five times. For women, getting past the second date is often the biggest hurdle. For men, though, the real question is whether they’ll still want to meet you a fourth or fifth time. That’s where I think the major hurdle lies.

I’m Mac, a male member. The girl I see most often right now has me as her only adult partner, plus several dinner-only papas. I’ve been seeing two other girls for over four years. One has one adult papa besides me—two in total—and the other doesn’t have any dinner-only papas either, so I’m supposedly her only one. Though that’s based on what she told me. In my experience, girls with fewer papas tend to stick around longer. They probably get emotionally attached more easily. Girls with lots of papas sometimes enjoy group sex outside of papa-katsu and belong to those kinds of circles, or have friends-with-benefits. I don’t even feel like asking how many papas they have. Also, when I’m intimate with girls like that, condoms are mandatory, and I don’t kiss or receive oral sex. I’d hate to pass an STI on to a girl who’s only seeing me. Some girls do papa-katsu exclusively without a daytime job, live with their boyfriend, and—semi-approved by him—see about three adult partners a day. I wonder how many papas they have. Among girls who work regular daytime jobs, I’ve known an ordinary office worker who had monthly arrangements with five adult papas. That’s probably about the maximum. For university students, once you factor in assignments, studying, and a regular part-time job to maintain appearances, wouldn’t around three be the limit? You shouldn’t compare papa-katsu and part-time work by hourly pay. If you quit your job, be prepared for rumors to spread around campus that you’re doing papa-katsu. It’s not like you’re doing anything wrong, so you can simply own it. Though if someone asks, it’s probably better to deny it. A lot of inexperienced women feel that, emotionally, they can’t date more than one man at a time. But once they break through that barrier, they surprisingly get used to it quickly. You don’t have to get used to it, of course, but that kind of idea about chastity isn’t really worth protecting. Once you go over three papas as a university student or five as an office worker, you’ll be so busy that there’s a high risk of burning out mentally. Stay within those limits, and replace papas as needed while considering both the allowance and the stress involved. There’s no need to hesitate just because you feel bad replacing someone who treats you well. Keep it transactional. The man who doesn’t pay is the one at fault.

I agree with Flag Maker as well. The people who naturally click with you will stay in your life, while you’ll gradually drift apart from those you don’t click with. You don’t have to go out of your way to turn someone down—your messages will naturally become less frequent, and before you know it, you’ll realize you don’t have another date planned and the relationship has quietly faded out. As for how often you meet, I think it’s best to keep things within a comfortable range, taking into account the frequency of your meetings and your schedule. —Marika

I’m Kazu, a male member. I see four women at least once a month. About two of them may change from time to time, so I’m always seeing three or four women.

I’m Flag Maker, a column writer. At first, both sides put their best foot forward, so you can’t really know who they truly are. I recommend spending a little more time with those five before deciding. The frequency varies, but I’m currently seeing about three of them in adult relationships (intimate). Even so, my schedule and finances are already stretched to the limit.