On my profile, under “Women like this are disliked,” it says that men lose interest when a woman has a boyfriend.
Of course, I understand that it might be a turnoff, but…
I live with my boyfriend, and I’d like to see someone who understands my situation and is comfortable with it.
When we’re together, we can enjoy it as a kind of pretend romance, but without letting things go too far—something like that.
When I first joined the club, I didn’t have a boyfriend. But now I do, and I’ve continued because money is tight and I enjoy going on dates with my papas.
Rather than letting something slip and telling inconsistent stories, I feel it’s better to say from the beginning that I have a boyfriend, and then do my best to make sure the other person can still enjoy our time together.
I think that’s better than lying and hiding it.
Some papas are understanding and continue to get along well with me, but naturally, there are also men who immediately become distant the moment I say I have a boyfriend.
Is there some rule or unspoken understanding that you’re not supposed to mention it?
I don’t bring it up unless I’m asked, but when someone asks, “Do you have a boyfriend?” and I answer honestly, it hurts a little when their attitude suddenly changes.
Am I supposed to lie and keep it hidden?
I’m Aya, a female member.
As for me, I always stick to saying that I’m single. If I say I have a boyfriend, the other person may think, “If you have a boyfriend, I’ll see other girls too,” and start making offers to lots of women besides me, turning it into a simultaneous arrangement. I’m a bit selfish, so I prefer someone who treats me as his main priority and values me. That’s how I ended up handling it. Everyone’s different, so I think you should do whatever feels right for you.
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I’m Fuu, a columnist.
There’s no rule saying you can’t mention that you have a boyfriend.
Personally, I feel more at ease with women who have boyfriends, so it wouldn’t bother me if you told me. But there are also papas who want you to be exclusive with them. I think it really comes down to how you would respond in that situation and what you want.
The compensated dating world involves a certain amount of dishonesty, so if you can maintain the “single” story for the sake of the allowance, there’s nothing wrong with dating a papa that way. If you can’t keep up that lie, then I’d suggest waiting for an offer from a papa who’s okay with you having a boyfriend.
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Maezawa from the CEO’s office here.
> “I feel like being honest is better than lying.”
It’s also no good if your story starts to unravel and doesn’t add up. Some men simply won’t enjoy it if you tell them from the start that you have a boyfriend.
So I think the problem lies in assuming that men will still enjoy themselves even if you have a boyfriend.
Since neither approach is ideal, I think you should figure out which works best, adjust depending on the person, and find ways to avoid letting inconsistencies show.
> “He asked me, ‘Do you have a boyfriend?’ So I answered honestly, and it hurts a little when his attitude changes.”
Do you also honestly tell your boyfriend that you have a papa and have been intimate with him?
And he doesn’t change his attitude after hearing that? That seems even more unusual.
Maybe your boyfriend enjoys cuckolding? Or perhaps he has a preference for secretly watching you next time?
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I’m Mac, a male member.
It’s best to keep the basic story the same while lying about the finer details.
For example: “I have a boyfriend, but I’m not fulfilled sexually or emotionally, so I do papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan).”
Saying, “I do papa-katsu because I’m not financially fulfilled,” won’t work. It isn’t alluring.
There’s an old saying: “To deceive the enemy, start by deceiving your allies.” But the trick to lying convincingly is to first deceive yourself. Most people already do that in everyday life, even outside papa-katsu. This is just an extension of that.
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I’m Taro, a male member.
Even if you have a boyfriend or husband, it’s probably safer to say you don’t. The same goes for having children. Of course, some men don’t mind, and there are even a few perverts who find it exciting—but the majority don’t. Given that, you can probably figure out what answer a man is hoping to hear when he asks, “Do you have a boyfriend?”
There’s no doubt that a relationship where both people can be themselves and face each other honestly is ideal. If you’re genuinely looking only for someone who feels that way, then you should probably say so from the start. On the other hand, if money is important to you, I think it’s best not to mention it at all. The idea that a man who understands you and gives you what you want will suddenly appear is a fantasy.
Once you’ve been seeing someone for a while, you may start thinking, “Maybe I can trust this person.” On the man’s side, he might be able to accept it if you explain things carefully. But I think it requires you to judge the situation—and to be prepared for the consequences.
Speaking from my own experience, there was one woman like that. She was very frank and would openly say things like, “Ah, yeah, this probably won’t work after all. I’m just not cut out for this.” She had a slim, beautiful figure, but also a scar from a sternotomy on her chest, so I figured she must have been through something difficult... Up to that point, everything was fine, but she was completely passive in bed, so that was the end of it. Sorry for being crude（笑）
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What did you think when you read another user’s question saying she would lose interest if she found out her papa was making offers to other women?
Wouldn’t you, as the person asking this question, feel differently if you knew your own papa (a male supporter) was making offers to other women?
Likewise, some men are fine with a woman having a boyfriend or other papas, while others dislike it. Some would rather not know, and some simply don’t care enough to ask. Obviously, everyone is different.
You need to consider who you’re dealing with and answer accordingly.
Use your head when doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan).
Marika
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