Have you ever found someone attractive because of the physical chemistry? I thought the papa I met t...

Question

Have you ever found someone attractive because of the physical chemistry? I thought the papa I met the other day was just an unattractive old man, but after we got intimate, the chemistry was amazing. When I looked at him afterward, he seemed to be glowing. When the chemistry was terrible and I didn’t feel good at all, the man still didn’t look attractive afterward—in fact, I found him rather off-putting……

Shingo Lee · Answer

My name is Shingo Lee (Shingori), and I’m a column writer.

First of all, I think this is a very positive and wonderful thing. Please keep that in mind as you read this.

I believe that after sex, someone who may not be conventionally attractive but is highly compatible with you can seem wonderful, while a handsome person you’re not compatible with may seem underwhelming. This is what’s known as “cognitive dissonance.”

The fact that you enjoyed sex conflicts with the feeling that “this person isn’t attractive.” To resolve that conflict, your mind works to accept the facts by convincing you that “they may not be attractive, but they’re wonderful.”

This may sound negative at first, but it’s actually a psychological response that occurs because you’re someone who can find happiness in enjoyable, mutually compatible sex.

Keep having plenty of wonderful sex, and live a happy life!

前澤 · Answer

I’m Maezawa from the president’s office, and I’ll answer this one too.

I suppose it’s similar to how a woman with a nice personality can look more attractive.

Basically, humans are creatures whose brains fill in the gaps, so there are all kinds of illusions and visual tricks.

If someone has something good about them, their whole appearance starts to look better. I think that’s perfectly fine—and quite natural.

茉莉花 · Answer

I know what you mean (lol).

One of the people I’m seeing really isn’t much to look at (no offense!), but we’re compatible, and we’re both at just the right level of openness about intimacy, so we’re happily continuing to see each other.

Marika

紙ひこうき · Answer

I’m Kamihikōki, a male member.

As the relationship deepens, compatibility is important—for both me and the other person.

Fuu · Answer

I’m Fuu, a column writer.

Good-looking guys can satisfy people with their looks, but less-attractive guys don’t stand a chance unless they make up for it in other ways. So we do our best every day in our own way.

Thank you for the encouraging words for us less handsome guys!

ダイ · Answer

I’m Dai, a male member.

Between a handsome guy who’s bad at sex and an unattractive guy who’s good at it, the unattractive one would probably be more popular in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), right?

あや · Answer

I’m Aya, a female member.

One of the papas I’m currently seeing is like that. He’s not my type looks-wise at all, but I still get butterflies whenever we meet.

He has the body of someone in his 30s, despite being in his 50s, thanks to weight training and tennis—but more than anything, I genuinely adore him.

カズ · Answer

I’m Kazu, a male member.

That’s just how it is, I think.  
Sex is a form of communication.

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