This may be a vague question, but what is the atmosphere like when you go on dates?
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I don’t like the idea of having a purely transactional encounter like at a sex service and simply paying for it. I thought I could enjoy a simulated romance through a dating club, but the person I met had a very transactional attitude and things felt rather businesslike.
I’d like to hold hands on the way to the hotel, and cuddle afterward so we can savor the lingering feelings.
Are most women in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) more focused on keeping things transactional?
I’m Fuu, a columnist.
I completely understand how you feel. That’s what I’m aiming for too. Rather than having high expectations from the start, I think you have two options: keep making offers to women who are willing to engage in that kind of pseudo-romantic relationship until you find a good match, or continue seeing someone and gradually grow closer. What do you think?
Holding hands outside is likely to make women uncomfortable, so you should probably give up on that. Aim for some affectionate time together in private instead.
One thing you mustn’t forget is that, at first, women may begin dating a papa who’s as old as—or older than—their own father simply because of the money, while putting up with it. You should see yourself as barely, just barely, being someone a woman might be willing to have an intimate relationship with. If you push too hard to close the distance, she’ll find you creepy and the relationship will end.
To gradually become more affectionate while continuing to see her, Fuu recommends:
1. Satisfy her appetite with delicious meals she normally wouldn’t get to enjoy.
2. Praise her enthusiastically every time you meet, satisfying her need for validation.
3. When things become intimate, don’t do anything she dislikes; be gentle, and sometimes focus more on her pleasure than your own.
By taking your time, treating her with care and consideration, and carefully feeling out her likes and dislikes—as if using sonar—you can build a sense of comfort and trust. Then the distance between you will gradually close, and you may be able to develop a more affectionate relationship.
Let’s both do our best.
The papa-katsu path requires daily training（笑).
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I’m Dai, a male member.
There’s always the risk of being recognized in public, so I don’t think you should expect to get touchy-feely outside.
That might be different once you’ve become close enough that she could introduce you to her friends, though…
I used to be the type who wanted to get affectionate in public back in college, but I don’t do that anymore.
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You’re dreaming too much.
No matter how much you like someone, you wouldn’t do that in public.
Objectively speaking, it’s not so much gross as simply embarrassing—especially at our age.
When we’re alone, we’re constantly touching each other somewhere, but when there are feelings, that’s completely natural.
Akari
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When we’re alone together, we do get affectionate and flirty. Even today, on the drive to the hotel, we were holding hands and he was touching my legs.
Being overly touchy and affectionate while walking around is out of the question—you never know who might be watching.
He treats me with lots of affection during and after we’re intimate, too. I think he probably won’t be able to let me go for a while (lol).
It’s a matter of choosing the right partner. Don’t focus only on looks—prioritize compatibility and keep meeting people until you find someone who’s a good fit.
I think there are fewer women around forty, like Meg and me, who come across as so obviously transactional. I may be older than you, though (^_^;)
Marika
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I’m だて◎ゆめ, a male member.
I’m not good at handling formal arrangements, so it’s more like I’m seeing a friendly older man and younger woman（笑）
She may even think of me as an old man.
Of course, through the dating club, it’s a completely transactional relationship with intimacy（笑）
Basically, we exchange one message each way every day.
We go on two dates a month, during which we catch up on things we couldn’t discuss over messages and talk about life and personal concerns.
I also guide her on managing money, including investments, as well as health, beauty, cooking, and etiquette.
I encourage her to stay healthy, too.
Well, that’s more or less how it is（笑）
We’re in a completely transactional relationship within the dating-club framework, but there’s actually quite a lot going on—and it keeps us pretty busy, both in our messages and during our dates（笑）
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I’ll answer too—Maezawa from the CEO’s office.
> Holding hands on the way to the hotel
I think that’s a pretty high hurdle. If I see an obviously age-gap couple holding hands in public, I can’t help thinking, “Don’t they have a little more common sense?”
Of course, these days, kissing and hugging in public may be considered perfectly normal, so perhaps holding hands isn’t a big deal either.
Even so, I feel people should show a little discretion in crowded places.
> Wanting to cuddle and savor the afterglow even after intimacy
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. I assumed everyone in a long-term relationship did that.
Cuddling and chatting in bed seem perfectly normal to me.
If things aren’t working out that way, perhaps you simply haven’t met that kind of woman yet, or she’s putting up with an allowance that’s far lower than what other people offer.
Or maybe you’re just not initiating conversation yourself.
If no one says anything to me, I’d naturally take a shower and get dressed after intimacy.
If you talk to her afterward, I don’t think many people would shower while you’re trying to talk to them. But what do you think?
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
> Holding hands on the way to the hotel,
Regardless of the woman’s age, it would be creepy for an older guy to do that. Even couples in their twenties don’t all hold hands when they go on dates.
So I think that’s just normal—not necessarily a sign that the relationship feels especially transactional.
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I’m Hikōki, a male member.
There are all kinds of people, so don’t push yourself or be too hard on yourself. Be considerate, but wait until you meet someone you genuinely click with—someone you can both enjoy spending time with comfortably.
I’m sure there are people who match what you’re looking for and can create a satisfying atmosphere.
> I don’t like doing something mechanical and paying for it, like at a sex establishment.
I understand. I’m also uncomfortable with the idea of treating an adult relationship as something you simply pay for, so I’ve found it difficult to continue seeing someone after discussing and agreeing on their allowance expectations.
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I’m Meg, a female member.
I wonder if there are many like that? I’m sure not everyone is, though.
My papa (a male supporter) is 20 years older than me too, but we feel like a couple.
It’s nice to take things slow, relax and spend time together, and be all affectionate and lovey-dovey, right? (*´-`)
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I’m Aya, a female member.
I only see men I’m close with, so within reason, I enjoy a relationship that feels like dating.
But we’re more than 20 years apart, so to outsiders, we probably look like a parent and child, a mistress, or a hostess accompanying a client. They may well assume it’s a transactional relationship. When I showed a friend a photo of us, they were completely put off and said, “You look exactly like a parent and child.” Ever since then, I’ve tried to keep that in mind.
I wish we could look like a normal couple, though…
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