“Because even if it’s dinner only, paying an allowance close to that for an adult relationship would make me feel guilty toward the partner who is also intimate with me.”
Exactly. That’s right.
As expected, you’ve hit on the essence of dating clubs.
Women register for one reason: money.
It’s 100% about money. Some women may dress it up with other nice-sounding reasons, and some men may believe them, but there is no other reason besides money.
Who would willingly have sex with an older man they don’t even like?
They meet these men while worrying about bad breath and STIs, putting up with things and adjusting themselves to suit their partners.
If they weren’t struggling financially, they’d quit this immediately.
Lately, I feel like more men are saying things such as:
“Since I’m paying you, you should be more enthusiastic about sex.”
“Are you actually saving your allowance? (If I had enough money to save, I wouldn’t be seeing you.)”
I hope more men will become true gentlemen who say, “Thank you for being intimate with me. Thank you for meeting me.”
Men, you joined a dating club because you dislike women who act mechanically, like escorts, and wanted to enjoy a pseudo-romantic relationship that includes intimacy, right?
That’s exactly what it is: a pseudo-romantic relationship.
Do you really think these women enjoy being intimate with you and meet you because they’re attracted to your personality and appearance?
Do you really think women see you because you’re handsome, even for such a low allowance?
That’s not it. These women are so financially desperate that they have to put up with meeting you even for “such a low allowance.”
For men who are struggling financially but still want to enjoy a pseudo-romantic relationship, seeing that reality would make them think, “So even though she keeps saying she likes me, she’s ultimately only after my money,” and they’d lose interest and walk away.
Smart women know this. Even when they’re struggling financially—even when a man complains that they can’t meet because of COVID and refuses to give them their monthly allowance—they continue messaging him and saying they like him while acting as though everything is fine. Did you know that?
Do you realize that the women who tailor themselves to men’s preferences and requests, playing the “ideal woman” every time they meet, are crying out inside?
Do you seriously believe that she really feels “at ease when we’re together”?
Do you take “Me too. I’ve never met anyone I enjoy spending time with this much” at face value?
It’s all the result of the woman’s efforts.
Are you treating her under the mistaken impression that she’s an honest, good girl who shows you her true self?
Money is the root of it all.
Conversely, if you pay a large enough sum, a woman can put up with quite a lot.
After reading this, I hope all you men will take another look at how you interact with women from dating clubs.
Did reading this question, having reality shoved in your face, piss you off? LOL
Maezawa from the President’s Office here, answering as well.
> Men join dating clubs because they dislike the impersonal women they find in adult entertainment, and want to enjoy a pseudo-romantic relationship that includes sex, right?
If that’s the kind of man they are, I don’t think women would give them negative reviews.
That said, I suspect some men join with the same mindset they have toward adult entertainment services.
So, if you encounter men like that, please send them negative feedback after the date.
Otherwise, they’ll remain unaware of what they’re doing wrong.
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Female members are probably thinking, “Exactly!” But if we spell that out too bluntly, it’ll only make things feel more pitiful, so let’s not.
Men can only truly understand men’s feelings, and women can only truly understand women’s feelings.
Some people may want to insist, “I’m different!” But, well… let’s forgive them for that too, haha. Even if they’re younger, women are probably many times more perceptive.
The reason I only date people I genuinely like may be that money isn’t my sole motivation, so I can’t say I understand the questioner’s nauseated feelings 100%. But I do think, “Of course that would make you feel sick…”
So at the very least, why not narrow it down to people who don’t cause you stress?
Akari
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I’m Fuu, a column writer.
Honestly, I feel kind of sorry for you. Papa-katsu doesn’t sound very enjoyable for you.
Is everything really black or white—100% or 0%? We’re all human, so there’s a gray area too. It probably isn’t 100% about the money, and various feelings can develop.
Don’t you think it’s possible to have a relationship where both people respect and care for each other as human beings?
Since you seem to respect and appreciate only the money, perhaps you’re simply showing that someone like you can only maintain an arrangement with a papa who’s okay with that. It’s sad that you ended up with a papa who says hurtful things.
I understand that money is important. There are also papas who understand that money is what protects both them and their female companions.
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You’re free to think that, and perhaps most people really are like that. But it’s better to keep that kind of behind-the-scenes reality hidden. I think it would have been better to keep playing the part.
I’m sure you said it because the stress had built up.
As for me, I only have relationships without stress, and I don’t have sex I don’t want, so I don’t fall into the 100% you mentioned. Still, it must be tough for younger women.
I can understand how you feel.
Marika
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I’m だて◎ゆめ, a male member.
> Did reading this question make you angry because it forced you to face reality? lol
I wasn’t angry（笑）
I could relate to some parts of the question, while other parts didn’t quite resonate with me.
First of all, I do think there’s no doubt that at the very beginning of an arrangement, it’s almost 100% about the money.
However, as the relationship progresses—after at least a year, I’d say—I feel they gradually go from “money-obsessed young women” to “women who understand men.”
Also, I don’t think an arrangement can continue unless both people are enjoying themselves and gaining something from it.
Of course, the amount of the allowance matters to some extent, but more important than that is having an arrangement that both the man and woman enjoy and feel is mutually beneficial.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
Overall, I think the questioner’s argument is basically correct. So I’m not offended, but I do get the impression that the questioner has only been able to have relationships that don’t feel satisfying.
When a man claims he can’t meet because of COVID and doesn’t pay the monthly allowance, yet the woman continues contacting him, I don’t think it’s because she’s being clever. It simply means she hasn’t been able to have the kind of relationship she wants. A smart woman is seeing a man who will still pay her allowance even when they can’t meet.
Problems in relationships are rarely the sole responsibility of one side.
To put it simply, “Thank you” tends to be met with “Thank you.” I think the reason a man doesn’t feel grateful that a woman lets him have sex is that he hasn’t heard her say, “Thank you for giving me an allowance.”
I’m sure there are plenty of women who have met an ideal papa (a male supporter) and are enjoying the kind of relationship they want.
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I’m Paper Airplane, a male member.
With all that in mind, I hope you find someone fun to spend time with.
Um, it looks like there isn’t actually a question. Thanks for the long message.
Personally, I try to treat the women I meet in a way that makes them feel:
“Of everyone I’ve met through papa-katsu, he’s the one. I’m glad I met him in life.”
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I’m Dai, a male member.
I’m not particularly angry, either. It just feels a little odd…
Isn’t the whole point of papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) that you can choose your partner?
If you’re worried about bad breath or STIs, why not simply avoid choosing someone like that…?
If you’re willing to be with anyone without choosing, wouldn’t it make more sense to work in the sex industry?
A lot of women develop mental health issues because they’re expected to provide services to anyone.
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I’m Flag Maker, a column writer.
I’m not annoyed, but I do find it slightly odd.
We men also try to be considerate. When we’re served a dish, we tell the woman, “Delicious! I’ve never had anything this good!”—embellishing it a little.
We know it’s loaded with MSG, but we deliberately take the chef’s explanation at face value and say, “As expected, a dish made from scratch with such careful attention to the seasonings really is delicious!”
I believe this is the right way for us to interact.
Put negatively, it’s lying to and deceiving each other. Put positively, it’s consideration and good manners at a dating club.
That’s part of what makes dating clubs interesting, and there’s nothing wrong with it. If anything, it’s a good thing.
Exposing those little lies is one of the fun parts, too.
I operate as the dating-club Detective Conan: “I see through the one and only truth—adult in looks, brains, and even down there.”
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