I'm a woman in my early 20s, and I found this anonymous Q&A site while thinking, “Maybe I should start papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan)...” After reading various questions, I decided not to do it because the answers from both male and female respondents felt pretty far removed from what most people would consider normal values and common sense, at least from the perspective of someone with no experience in papa-katsu. Some of the questions were like that too.
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Are the men and women who do papa-katsu already somewhat unusual from the start, or does their sense of what’s normal gradually become disconnected from mainstream society the longer they continue?
Has anyone else felt the same way?
I’m Tetsu, a male member.
This is just my personal opinion, but since you seem to have a firm sense of your own values, I think you’re well suited to papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan).
You must have had your reasons for considering papa-katsu—meeting someone, receiving an allowance, an adult relationship (intimate), and so on. But I imagine that, as you looked into it more, you came across quite a few things that made you think, “Wait, what?” and eventually decided to quit.
Calling it “success” in papa-katsu may sound a little odd, but I think a woman’s success lies in meeting a man with whom she can have the kind of relationship she truly wants. It’s easier to define your ideal relationship when you have a clear sense of your own values. Once you know what you’re looking for, you should be able to identify the men who might help make that ideal a reality. You simply need to rule out the men who don’t seem likely to do so.
What other people think has nothing to do with you. You should stick to your own beliefs. If you’re confident that you can stay true to them, then by all means, give papa-katsu a try.
I’ll be looking forward to seeing you sign up. (笑)
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What’s considered “normal” changes depending on the era, environment, occupation, where someone lives, and so on. What’s common sense to one person may seem completely unreasonable to someone else.
That said, it’s true that dating clubs and papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) can seem unconventional—and even unbelievable—in the context of an otherwise peaceful everyday life.
Your feelings aren’t wrong.
But if you automatically label everyone who steps into that world as unreasonable, that could be considered arrogant in a way.
Sometimes, unconventional experiences can have a positive effect when it comes to working, living, and maintaining a family or relationships in a conventional way.
—Akari
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In my everyday life, I work and function normally within the bounds of common sense.
The dates I go on with people I meet through an arrangement club, as well as this anonymous Q&A, are outside the ordinary for me. They’re different from the sensible, everyday version of myself.
Both sides are still me—I simply switch between my conventional and unconventional sides depending on the situation.
After all, going on dates and receiving an allowance isn’t something a conventional person would normally do in the first place, so it’s only natural.
—Marika
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I’m Paper Airplane, a male member.
Even among people who know about dating clubs, more than 90% probably wouldn’t join. So, in that sense, members are fairly unusual, and it’s only natural that there are many ways they think or act differently—or seem a little out of step.
That’s why, in a way, you could say both men and women are gaining things they otherwise wouldn’t be able to obtain because they’d normally hesitate.
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I’m Fuu, a column writer.
I’m not going to dismiss the questioner’s instincts. If something doesn’t feel right, it probably won’t work out, so I think it’s better to walk away. The words we use can limit our own actions.
What does “common sense” or “normal” really mean?
We’re all different people—no two are exactly alike. Japanese people are especially good at going along with the crowd, being considerate, and adjusting themselves to fit in. We look at everyone else’s reactions and define the majority opinion as what’s “normal.”
But are people who call themselves normal really normal?
I don’t think anyone is truly normal.
The only person who thinks they’re normal is themselves (lol).
What standard is the questioner using to decide that someone is “strange” or “out of touch with society”? If there’s no clear standard—and none is given here—it’s probably just the questioner’s personal opinion, or simply a feeling.
What I can say is that, of course, some people disapprove of papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan). But it exists because there is both demand and supply. The number of members continues to grow steadily, and there are members who enjoy it. Those facts remain.
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I’m Flag Maker, a columnist.
What do you think? This is just my personal opinion, but I believe that experiencing a dating club can cause men to drift away from mainstream social values. Women, however, often think in terms of several years at a time and can act rationally and compartmentalize things, so I feel that many of them don’t fundamentally lose perspective. For example: “I’ll do this kind of activity until I’m 26, then I’ll start looking for a spouse.”
Even without thinking in terms of years, I think women are more likely than men to say, “That’s that, and this is this,” and keep things separate.
So couldn’t you also compartmentalize it—either over a few years or by thinking, “That’s that, and this is this”? If you feel that doing so would itself mean losing perspective, then I have nothing more to say…
Please think it over once more, and if you feel you can go through with it, I encourage you to join.
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I’m Shingo Lee (Shingori), a columnist.
People often say that ●● is far removed from what’s considered normal. But whenever you filter for a specific group of people, some degree of bias is bound to arise.
For example, if you filter for “people who currently play soccer,” the group will naturally skew younger compared with the average in Japan, right? It’s the same idea.
Choosing something means, to some extent, choosing something that isn’t ordinary. If most people in Japan are either civil servants or company employees, then choosing one of those paths means your experience will lean toward either the average civil servant or the average company employee, rather than the overall Japanese average.
We’re all shaped by a combination of these kinds of biases.
If you truly need to change, sometimes you have to choose to become “unordinary.”
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I’m Maezawa from the CEO’s office, and I’ll answer as well.
I think it would have been better if you had clearly explained which specific points differed from what you consider common sense.
Simply saying that something felt out of line doesn’t tell us anything.
It makes me wonder whether you actually didn’t find anything wrong with it and only wrote that to be malicious.
Without any specifics, anyone could make something up and present it as though it were true.
It’s also possible that your idea of common sense differs from society’s.
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I’m Date◎Yume, a male member.
That’s a good question.
> I quit because, from the perspective of someone with no experience in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), I felt that the values and attitudes were pretty far removed from what most people would consider normal. Some of the questions were like that too.
It would have been even better if you’d included some specific examples.
Relationships through a dating club are based on the club’s basic rules, but beyond that, each person approaches things in their own way.
Once you actually try it, you realize that, at the end of the day, it’s simply people dealing with people. I imagine there are many people who enjoy good relationships that suit both parties’ goals for dating.
That said, people who are having a good experience usually don’t have much to ask about, so I think the reality is that they’re quietly and discreetly going about things（笑）.
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It’s me.
People who are out of touch with common sense exist in every walk of life—not just here.
At least among the staff, female members, and male members I’ve met through Universe Club, most have been perfectly normal, sensible, and genuinely appealing people.
Ah, though if someone lacking common sense says that another person lacking common sense seems sensible, I guess there’s not much I can say, lol.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
I found it odd that you seemed to treat your own values and feelings as though they were society’s, while also asking this question.
For what it’s worth, I don’t think my values changed before and after I started papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan).
That said, when I was around the same age as you, I went through a shattering of the values I’d held up until then. I realized that adults are far more uninhibited than I had imagined.
Until then, I’d assumed that women’s views on chastity were much more conservative than men’s.
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