I’ve been seeing the same woman for nearly a year. When things continue for this long, you naturally grow attached and start developing feelings for her.
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But this is a dating club. She probably has other papas, and telling her to quit the club would go against the rules. I understand that logically, but when I think about her seeing other men too, I feel really uncomfortable.
Even though everyone enters these arrangements knowing they may be seeing multiple people, don’t you get jealous?
Does this mean I’m just not suited to dating clubs, and that it’s time for me to move on?
I’m a male member, BB7.
Are you seeing only that one woman?
I used to be in an exclusive arrangement too, but back then I struggled a lot with jealousy and possessiveness.
I realized that wasn’t healthy, so I started seeing multiple partners. In a good way, my feelings became more balanced, and the jealousy and possessiveness went away.
I recommend seeing multiple partners.
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I’m Meg, a female member.
I’m actually in almost the exact opposite situation from you. I have just one papa (a male supporter), and we’ve been seeing each other for a year and a half. I’ve been on hiatus since he first reached out to me.
I really love my papa, too. Maybe it was about a year into our relationship. I’ll never forget when he casually said, “It’s a wonderful thing to fall in love with someone, isn’t it?”
So honestly, I’d be really hurt if he were seeing other people as well. But I can’t exactly tell him not to reach out to anyone else…
Why not casually mention to your partner that there’s a suspension option? I think their reaction may give you some insight into how they really feel.
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I’m Flagmaker, a columnist.
I get jealous of someone I genuinely like, of course. But as for falling for a woman I met through this site, I don’t think that would happen as long as I’m paying her an allowance.
And isn’t it kind of scary to tell her not to see other papas? That would make me solely responsible for the allowance, and if something came up, it’d be harder to end things for my own reasons.
In many ways, other papas are actually allies—people whose presence works in my favor.
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Maezawa from the CEO’s Office here.
I think you should also make offers to other women and see multiple women at the same time.
If you only see one woman, things can gradually head in an unhealthy direction.
If you see around three women simultaneously, you might not feel as jealous.
Just be careful not to get too emotionally invested and end up becoming a stalker.
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I’m Aya, a female member.
I do sometimes feel my papa’s jealousy and anger, but I see dealing with those emotions as part of being a mistress, so it isn’t a major burden for me.
That woman, however, may be the type to pull away when someone openly shows jealousy. You usually wouldn’t know that even after dating for a year, so it seems the only way to avoid setting off a person to avoid is to quietly endure it.
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I’m Fuu, a column writer.
Isn’t jealousy what happens when you focus on just one person and start wondering whether she might be seeing other men? Since a dating club arrangement isn’t marriage or an exclusive relationship, it’s difficult to impose jealousy, restrictions, or conventional notions of fidelity.
I encourage you to make plenty of offers and find several women you like just as much—or even more—and try spreading out your feelings. Wouldn’t the fun and pleasure be doubled when seeing two people, and tripled with three?
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I’m Date◎Yume, a male member.
After dating for about a year, shouldn’t you be able to tell whether she’s seeing multiple people?
You can probably get a general idea, but in your case, if you start to feel that she may be seeing others, I think it would be better to end the relationship and look for someone new.
Every woman is different, but there are also women who prefer to see just one person.
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I’m Taro, a male member.
Wouldn’t you actually have had time to come to terms with it if it’s been going on for about a year? lol
I don’t think the chances of meeting someone compatible and staying together for a long time are particularly high, so if it’s lasted a year, there’s a good chance there isn’t anyone else.
It’s probably best to look at it that way and not dig any deeper. You’ll never know the truth anyway. They might even meet someone outside the dating club. Once you start thinking about it, there’s no end to it.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
I’m seeing multiple partners myself—and want to continue doing so—so I don’t mind if a woman is seeing multiple people too.
If you’re enough for her, she’ll probably naturally end up seeing only you.
But if you really want her to date exclusively, why not talk to her about it by saying, “I’ll take care of you, so I want you to be exclusive with me. What can I do to make you see only me?” I don’t think asking her to be exclusive with you is against the rules at all. What would violate the rules is forcing her to take a break or leave the service.
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