There was a question from a male member that said something like:
“I give the woman a few tens of thousands of yen more than the amount she asks for, and I tell her what I want in return. But if she doesn’t meet my expectations, I end things.”
Most of the responses seemed to say things like, “He should just give her the amount she requested,” and “It’s out of the question to expect anything in return just because he added extra money.”
So does that mean the proper attitude in a dating club is for a male member to give a woman the requested ¥50,000, enter into an arrangement without saying anything, and then end things without explaining why if he feels they aren’t compatible?
I’m grateful when I receive an allowance above the amount I requested, and I feel it’s understandable if I’m cut off because I couldn’t meet the man’s additional expectations. But if he ends things silently without ever telling me what those expectations were, I’m left wondering, “Why?”
Only one of the respondents said that the man’s approach was gentlemanly. Why were the other respondents uniformly so critical?
If I’m given extra allowance, then unless the request is something I’d find difficult to accept, I’d be willing to make some effort. If things still ended after that, I could accept it. But it makes me sad to have an adult relationship (intimate) as usual, without knowing what the man wants, and then be silently dismissed.
Am I the one being unreasonable?
The male respondents who criticized the questioner would apparently give a woman ¥50,000 if she asked for ¥50,000, but then cut her off if they weren’t satisfied—in other words, if they didn’t receive what they wanted in return. I simply can’t understand how that is supposed to be the right way to handle things.
I’m Fuu, a columnist.
In dating clubs, both men and women may cut things off if they don’t receive the compensation they were hoping for. Since money is involved, one advantage of dating clubs is that it’s easy for either person to end the relationship. In a sense, if the arrangement no longer feels worth the compensation, either party can choose to walk away.
You’re focusing on male members unilaterally ending things, but women have the right to choose too. If you feel that a certain person isn’t worth the amount being offered, you’ll end the arrangement, right? Maybe his breath smells so bad you can’t stand it, he takes forever to finish and it’s painful, or he’s too big and it hurts too much—in other words, you decide it isn’t worth the compensation.
You block him on LINE, right? Fuu has been blocked too, haha.
If you want a higher allowance, wouldn’t it be more constructive to stop wasting time getting angry here and calmly think about how you can receive more? Getting angry here isn’t going to increase your allowance.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
Maezawa from the President’s Office here, answering as well.
I believe that if you give a woman more allowance than she asked for, she’ll be happy, and your priority as a man will rise above that of other men.
However, in reality, that doesn’t always happen. I think it just so happens that many people believe giving more doesn’t change anything.
There are many different ways of thinking. It’s also possible that the answers here are somewhat biased.
Still, I think it’s good to keep in mind that some people do think that way, and to recognize that there are all kinds of views in the world.
If everyone thought the same way, wars probably wouldn’t happen. But each side believes it’s right, and when those views clash, conflicts arise.
So perhaps conflicts can be avoided if people understand that there are many different ways of thinking.
That said, I’m the type to state my own opinions too, so I’m hardly in a position to sound superior.
In the end, I suppose it comes down to this: rather than saying you want ¥50,000 and receiving ¥70,000, say you want ¥70,000 and receive ¥70,000.
Of course, some people may find it difficult to ask for that.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
I’m だて◎ゆめ, a male member.
I don’t find it strange at all.
As I also mentioned in my answer here:
https://universe-club.jp/help/questions/view/7452
Relationships arranged through a dating club are essentially a kind of contract, whether they’re pay-per-meeting or monthly arrangements. The two people enter into the relationship after agreeing to the terms, and if those terms aren’t being met, I assume the arrangement will eventually be terminated.
Also, regarding the question here:
https://universe-club.jp/help/questions/view/7447
I’m not sure how long they had been seeing each other, but I don’t think it’s easy for both people to fully understand and meet each other’s expectations after only one or two dates. I had also thought it might take two or three months for the woman to gain a general understanding of what the man is looking for.
That said, I think many of the other respondents believe that, even if that’s true, it isn’t easy to clearly explain exactly how they want the relationship to work, and the women can’t suddenly change either.
So I assumed the point was that, by seeing each other naturally and confirming their compatibility, they should be able to reach a general conclusion. And that both men and women should make an effort to genuinely engage with each other.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
I’m Kazu, a male member.
What that man was looking for—“lots of kissing” and “acting more like a couple”—is actually quite a lot to ask. Even if he offered a generous allowance, honestly, it would probably be impossible to deliver.
Especially “acting like a couple”—what does that even mean? Couples can look very different from one another. If a man you were meeting for the first time asked you to act like his girlfriend, would you know what he meant by “couple-like” behavior?
In that case, the women who dated that man were probably being dumped without ever understanding what kind of behavior he wanted from them.
If he wants to have those particular needs met, instead of complaining that they “couldn’t pick up on it even though I paid tens of thousands of yen extra,” shouldn’t he clearly and politely explain what he’s looking for?
That said, the more specifically he explains it, the less it feels like a genuine relationship and the more it feels like he’s paying someone to act the part. So I suppose he wants them to figure it out without him having to say anything.
By the way, don’t you think the reason men stop seeing women is because they won’t comply with the kind of behavior they want?
When I decide not to see a woman again, it’s not because she didn’t accommodate what I wanted. It’s because I didn’t find enough in her to make me want to see her again.
I think the intimate side of things can improve as the relationship continues. The reasons I usually decide not to meet again are things like personal values—things that probably can’t be changed through effort. Those aren’t the kind of minor issues you can solve simply by offering extra allowance.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
I’m Flag Maker, a column writer.
Lately, I’ve finally started being able to express my wishes little by little, and I’m trying to work up the courage to say them.
The reason it takes courage is that I’m afraid the woman might turn down what I’m asking for. That fear outweighs the value of the money.
So I end up “cutting things off without saying anything.”
I hate that side of myself, which is why, as extreme as it sounds, I’m drawn to the ultimate scumbag of a man.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
I don’t know what you’re so angry about, but you’ve completely missed the nuance.
In the previous question, I believe the male poster was saying that he would give an extra amount, but wouldn’t tell her what he wanted in return—and then would quietly cut her off if his unspoken expectations weren’t met.
The male respondents were saying things like: “How is she supposed to know if you don’t tell her what you want? It’s awful to suddenly cut her off over that.” They also said that if the extra allowance was payment for fulfilling those requests, they would pay it—or that it might make women happier to offer the requested allowance upfront and then give the extra amount afterward if they were especially satisfied.
Honestly, it’s pretty pathetic to be lectured on reading comprehension by someone who nearly had to repeat a year in Japanese class in high school.
Marika
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
I’m Paper Airplane, a male member.
Even though it’s not exactly flattering as a man to have someone spend time with you just because you’re giving them money, once the requested amount, extra allowance, and expectations in return start being emphasized—money, money, and the “service” it pays for—
you start wondering whether this is a date involving money, sex work, papa-katsu, or simply a part-time job.
It really emphasizes the feeling that she doesn’t want to be there, but it’s work. There’s no sense of anything natural about it…
I can’t imagine it being enjoyable, or lasting very long.
I hope both sides will value the kind of compatibility that makes them think, “I’m glad I met this person.”
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
