I fell in love with someone I met here about two years ago. For the first year or so, he was my papa (a male supporter), but I wanted us to become a couple, so I eventually refused to accept any more money. He was happy about it.
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He is single and in his 40s, and our age gap is only 19 years. I thought we were no different from an ordinary couple who had met naturally, and that was how I treated him. However, he still sees me as nothing more than someone he met through papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) for casual fun.
Lately, I’ve realized that he sees me as a convenient woman who doesn’t cost him anything.
I can never feel a genuine emotional connection with him, and I’m lonely and hurting. I’m torn between ending things and enduring it, or staying with him while keeping things transactional and restarting papa-katsu so I can feel fulfilled, or going on dates with someone who has been showing interest in me.
Is there any way to make him see me as his girlfriend?
I’ve even considered getting pregnant, but sometimes I think it would be unfair to the child, and sometimes I don’t.
I’m Flag Maker, a column writer.
If you want to create more victims in the same situation as me, try offering no allowance and ruling out an adult relationship as well.
Sexual desire is an important part of love and romance at the beginning, you know. Before long, the man will be unable to hold back and start coming on stronger.
Give it a try.
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I’m Paper Airplane, a male club member.
Since we met through the club, I suppose we have no choice but to think of it as meeting in a different world.
For one of us, there are no romantic feelings at all—we don’t even see it as a meeting. That’s the kind of world this is.
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Maezawa from the executive office here, answering your question as well.
Thank you for your question.
> He still sees me as nothing more than someone he met through papa-katsu to have fun with, and that hasn’t changed.
In that case, I think you should stop expecting anything from him and be prepared to end the relationship.
Next time you meet, try saying, “Would you be willing to give me an allowance again?” and ask for a slightly higher amount than before.
He’ll probably ask why. That’s when you could say something like:
“I wanted us to become a normal couple who met naturally, but you’ve continued to see me as someone you met through papa-katsu just to have fun with.”
If you can’t see each other anymore after that conversation, then you were only a convenient woman to him, so ending things was the right decision.
On the other hand, if he starts treating you like a girlfriend, things may move closer to what you’re hoping for.
Even if you go back to receiving an allowance, you seem to get along fairly well, so it might be worth keeping him as your papa.
At the same time, I think you should re-register with a dating club and look for other papas as well.
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