I’m a male member, and I have a somewhat troubling issue. When I have s○x with women I meet through the club, I tend to experience ED. However, everything works perfectly normally when I’m with my wife... Has anyone else experienced this, and are there any ways to improve it?

Column writer Fuu here—also somewhat ED-prone, with a soft one. I understand how you feel. If your body is used to it, it’s usually fine, but you’re probably nervous the first time you meet someone. When I first started papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), before I began taking ED medication, there were times when I couldn’t perform. Once that happened, the pressure made it impossible the second time too, and sometimes we ended things there. In my case, thanks to ED medication, I can now get fully hard from the very first meeting. Even round two! I definitely recommend medication for ED. Since it’s medicine, I’m sure it depends on the person whether it suits you. Coincidentally, in my next-but-one column—“Fuu’s Papa-Katsu ☆ GOLD: The Real Story, Episode 13” (currently awaiting publication)—I’ve written about my experience using ED medication. I tried all the main options. Episode 12 is still awaiting publication, so Episode 13 will be a little further down the line, but I hope it helps.

Universe Tokyo’s Mamiya here with an answer. You’re trying to have sex with a woman you don’t usually meet, so perhaps you’re still “covered,” so to speak. You’re also under pressure to impress her without opening up emotionally. Why not honestly tell her that you’re nervous and might lose your erection? Some women may actually find it cute when a man feels that way. If she’s one of them, you’ll probably feel comfortable enough to get hard!

Maezawa from the CEO’s office here—I’ll answer too. So, your wife comes first.

I’m Kazu, another male member who’s somewhat prone to ED and has trouble staying hard. I really understand how you feel. I can get hard again with oral, so if I put on a condom quickly while I’m fully aroused, I can usually manage somehow. But I tend to lose my erection with someone I’m not used to, and it’s frustrating not having built the kind of relationship where I can explain how to handle the situation. That said, I’m not particularly passionate about penetration, so even if I lose my erection during it, I can still feel reasonably satisfied. I can also manage if I focus on pleasing the woman and get a sense that she’s enjoying herself to some extent. But again, with someone new, it’s difficult because I don’t know what she likes or how best to touch her. The woman I met for the first time the other day reacted really well when I took the lead. During 69, she became all limp when I pleased her, rested her head on my thigh, and moaned. I liked that so much that I was able to get through it without losing my erection. A woman I used to date once told me, “You’re thinking about something, aren’t you? That’s why you’re going soft. Stop thinking and just enjoy yourself.” But for me, enjoying myself without thinking about anything seems impossible unless I’m intoxicated somehow, so I gave up on that solution. As Mac sometimes writes, it might help to keep some mental imagery that gets you fired up. I can recall moments that really excite me, but it still seems difficult to bring my penis back to life with that alone. Oh, and I’ve also tried ICI therapy. Injecting myself took some courage at first, but it was amazing—absolutely incredible. I became rock hard. I honestly felt like I could even become a porn actor. As an aside, I think being able to maintain that level of hardness is a real talent for porn actors. I haven’t used it for a while because keeping the injections stocked and injecting myself before sex is a hassle. It might be worth searching for a nearby clinic and giving it a try.

I’m Paper Airplane, another male member with ED and a less-than-reliable little guy. I completely understand how you feel. With my wife, partner, or girlfriend, ED isn’t really an issue—we can work things out without any problems. But when it comes to women from the club, I become unbelievably sensitive to how different each woman can be. I find myself thinking, “Really? Is that even possible?” Sometimes I feel like a completely different person. I’m getting older, and with women who leave me unable to perform, I still haven’t been able to get things working again, no matter how many times we meet. The more often we meet, the more pressure I feel. I make absolutely sure that everything is perfect and go in thinking, “Today’s the day,” and even manage to get through losing my erection midway, thinking, “I can do this!”—but then I can’t finish and miss the moment, ending up completely drained and defeated. Sometimes I feel like the only solution is to pretend I finished… Once, while she was enjoying the afterglow, she asked, “Did you finish?” and I thought, “Oh… I see. That’s one option.” With women I click with from the very first meeting, as I mentioned before, I’ve even managed a second round within two hours—which I never would have expected at my age. And yet… P.S. It’s not easy to find something that reliably works, but the biggest psychological help for me is taking out a very thin, high-quality condom and having it ready beforehand. Another mental hurdle is not allowing myself to think, “If things don’t work, I can always finish with my mouth or hands.” It’s also important to avoid relying on manual stimulation in everyday life and, as much as possible, finish through vaginal intercourse instead. Something I recently learned is not to masturbate or finish with my legs stretched out and tensed up (you can look it up), so during intercourse I try to keep my knees bent and focus on enjoying the sensation. Other things include preparing lubricant, having her wear the hotel’s provided lingerie, and using an electric massager on her. I also meet for dinner only and build up my feelings for her first. Once I know I’m really attracted to her, I try switching up whether we go to the hotel before or after dinner. I think it also helps to take a more relaxed approach and enjoy sex as something that exists for the woman to feel pleasure. That makes it less of a burden. Penetration can simply be treated as the final extra, rather than the main goal.