I’m trying papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) for the first time.
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Next week, I’ll be meeting at a café for the first time with a man who offered to be my papa (a male supporter). When I receive my allowance in an envelope, what would be the most tactful way to check the amount?
Would it be rude or overly formal from his perspective if I hid the envelope in a fukusa, checked the amount, put it back in the fukusa, and left it at the edge of the table until we parted?
Or would it come across as too ceremonious?
The fukusa is a casual lace one.
Since this is my first time, I wanted to ask because I’d like to avoid being impolite. I would greatly appreciate any advice.
If you met through Universe Club, and you’re referring to the ¥10,000 transportation fee you receive during the meal, then I think you should handle it exactly as the club explains.
In other words, say something like, “The club always asks us to confirm this on the spot, so let me just check,” and then confirm it.
The club specifically tells members to do this to prevent issues within the club’s rules, so this is actually something you shouldn’t skip.
As for the allowance for a subsequent private relationship, ideally you should confirm that on the spot too. However, there’s a good chance the man may wonder, “Why are you asking? Don’t you trust me?” If you don’t confirm, though, you may end up receiving less than the amount you discussed.
So while the club would prefer you to confirm, it can be a difficult situation.
That said, I think it’s better to confirm in order to prevent problems.
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What do you think?
It probably isn’t something you need to worry about that much.
If the papa hands it over without putting it in an envelope, you can tell just by looking, so there’s no need to check.
If it is in an envelope and you really want to make sure, you could go to the restroom during the café date and quickly check what’s inside.
If you’re going to have an adult relationship at C, you’ll be in a private room, so you should be able to check discreetly enough.
Especially when it’s a first-time room meeting, Fuu counts the bills in front of them and says, “This is how much it is,” while handing it over so they can feel reassured.
A fukusa, really? That’s a pretty difficult kanji.
There are people in their twenties who own a fukusa?
I’ve never had anyone receive the money in one.
Yes! It’s so ceremonious.
It might feel like a wedding or funeral, so I’d probably dislike it lol
Are you really in your twenties? “Challenge,” “putting yourself forward,” “rather ceremonious,” “your wisdom,” “I would be most grateful,” and so on?
The way you use words makes you sound older than Fuu.
Are you actually an older guy pretending to be a woman in her twenties? lol
But it’s fine! Seriously.
Answering questions is fun when there are lots of them www
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Regardless of how it’s done, I don’t think many men appreciate having the amount checked right in front of them.
Personally, I wouldn’t necessarily decide not to meet again based on that alone, but it would count against her. If several negatives add up, I wouldn’t continue seeing her after the second meeting.
In other words, if there are no other red flags, it’s not really a problem.
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If you want to be impeccably proper, start by receiving it with both hands rather than one. And instead of saying “Thank you,” it’s more refined to say, “I’ll accept this.”
Even if it’s in an envelope, handing it over directly is technically discourteous. Ideally, you should prepare a small presentation tray and receive it solemnly from there—but that might be a bit impractical at a café.
When handling the fukusa, it’s a nice touch to fold it the way you would a tea-ceremony cloth, subtly showing that you know what you’re doing. You might even get invited to a tea room for your next date. Someone is always watching, so practice properly. Urasenke is recommended.
Oh—wasn’t the question about how to check the amount?
If it’s a first meeting, check afterward, and if it’s less than ¥5,000, that violates the rules, so report it to the club.
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I’ve encountered women who checked the transportation allowance, but probably fewer than five out of a hundred. I’ve never met a woman who counted the allowance right in front of me.
I’d rather she didn’t leave the transportation money in an envelope on the table at a café. But if it’s wrapped in a fukusa cloth, then I’d think, “Well, suit yourself.” I wouldn’t consider it rude, but it does seem rather formal—like she has a unique sensibility. Most people simply put it straight into their bags, and I think that’s the safest approach.
Even if she checked the allowance, I personally wouldn’t consider it rude, since it’s our first meeting. I would, however, assume that she’d probably been cheated before.
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At a café, the most graceful thing to do is probably accept it without checking the amount.
Since there are likely people around, I’d appreciate it as a man if you accepted it quickly and put it straight into your bag.
I don’t do that kind of thing anymore, so it brings back memories…
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For the first meeting, I think it’s fine to just accept the allowance in your bag without checking it.
If the amount isn’t acceptable, politely decline any further meetings.
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