I’d like some advice on how to handle a man who regularly invites me out for tea or a meal for about one to two hours.
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I’ve continued to receive an allowance when we go to a hotel, as before. Recently, though, I’ve also been getting more work from his company—fairly light duties paying around ¥100,000 a month.
He’s been increasingly inviting me to join him for tea or a meal for an hour or an hour and a half during breaks in his workday. I’d ideally like to receive an allowance (transportation money) for those outings as well, but I’ve already agreed to go a few times without accepting anything, so I’m unsure what I should do going forward.
👤Asked byGuest👨GenderMale🎂20s👑Universe female member
Are you saying that, rather than being an employee, you’re taking on work for ¥100,000 as an independent contractor or something similar?
If so, I’m not sure what things are like between work assignments, but you could either turn them down by saying something like, “I’m tied up right now,” or assume that tea and meals are included in the ¥100,000 and continue seeing them.
If you’re being invited out more than ten times a month and feel that, at ¥10,000 per meeting, you should normally be receiving more than ¥100,000 in allowance—and that it feels like you’re working for free—then I think it would be fine to turn down the ¥100,000 job.
They may genuinely think they’re doing something nice by treating you to meals or arranging time for tea, so ultimately, it also depends on how you view your current relationship.
I think you should consider what would be best for you overall.
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First, turn down the work he’s offering you.
You need to make it clear that your relationship with him is strictly papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan).
He’s trying to gradually turn things into a relationship that no longer involves money.
From there, it’s a matter of standing your ground.
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If you negotiate your allowance, he’ll probably be disappointed and cut you off. No doubt about it.
Why not go to the gym during the day and work on your body? You can use that as your reason to turn him down.
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If you’re okay with losing the relationship, then say so. If you want to keep the arrangement, there’s not much you can do.
In Fuu’s case, there’s no allowance unless we have an adult relationship (intimate), and I tell my regulars that upfront.
My regulars want the allowance for an adult relationship (intimate), so we don’t go out for dinner. But there are women who’ll go out for dinner or on dates without asking for payment.
After seven years of papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), people tell me, “You always pick such great places, Fuu. Invite me again sometime.” Looking up places for dates and going there is my hobby—and what I’ve been enjoying lately, lol.
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Since this takes place during working hours, it’s effectively included in a monthly salary of around ¥100,000.
If attendance is properly tracked and you’re taken out to eat during your break, then you’re not even earning an hourly wage for that time.
When a company owner takes an employee out to lunch, you sometimes see an elderly boss summon a young female employee during her lunch break and dine alone with her. It’s basically the same kind of thing, which made me realize that this could be considered a form of papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), too.
I’d love to have a mistress-slash-secretary for ¥100,000 a month!!
A pay-per-meeting arrangement would be just right for the relationship. If the salary could be claimed as a business expense, the actual burden would be half after taking the tax savings into account, making it even more appealing.
But I run my business seriously, so I probably wouldn’t do it.
Still, paying ¥100,000 a month to keep someone available for a set number of hours, have her do odd jobs, go out to eat, and then pay separately for the relationship would be a pretty sweet deal for a man—even if it came out of his own pocket.
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