I currently have two papa (male supporters) I’ve been seeing for quite a long time. Recently, I got a boyfriend, but I haven’t told either of my papas about him.

It probably depends on the papa, but in my case, I’m totally fine with him doing as he pleases. I don’t want to feel tied down either, and honestly, I’d be uncomfortable if he became dependent on me like a boyfriend. Still, the fact that you even worry about this probably means you’re a genuinely considerate person.

Men should be strong and tough! You should dump a man like that! I’m sure there are strong, tough men right nearby, so try changing the way you look at men. A papa (a male supporter) is ultimately just someone who suits your needs. While you still can, focus on building a solid foundation for becoming independent. There are married people who do papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), too—not many, but they do exist（笑).

Having multiple people to lean on or depend on isn’t unusual at all. In fact, there are quite a few women who do papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) while having a boyfriend or husband, and many of them maintain balance by assigning different roles to each relationship. From what you’ve shared, it seems that things are currently working through a kind of division of roles: - You get comfort, emotional breathing room, and a sense of security from your papa (a male supporter). - You get romantic feelings and emotional attachment from your boyfriend. The one thing that stands out to me, though, is that you really want to be able to rely on your boyfriend. If you want to lean on your partner, let yourself be vulnerable, and feel protected, perhaps you would feel more at ease choosing a boyfriend who can fulfill that role. This isn’t to say that your current boyfriend is a bad person. But it may be worth asking yourself whether continually filling the gap between “he’s kind, but I can’t lean on him” and “I love him, but I don’t feel fulfilled” with your papa is truly comfortable for you. There’s nothing inherently wrong with spreading your needs across different people. What matters is whether you’re making these choices while being aware of: “What do I want each relationship to fulfill?” “What am I putting up with?” If you want to be able to lean on your boyfriend, then look for a boyfriend you can lean on. That isn’t selfish or asking too much—it simply means being honest with yourself.

I’m always telling even my top girl to get a boyfriend. Some of the girls are married, too. Most of the others have boyfriends as well. I see listening to their complaints about their boyfriends as part of a papa’s job, so personally, I don’t want them hiding their boyfriends from me. If I were to give the questioner some advice, it would be to get one or two more boyfriends. Since you’re sleeping with your papa anyway, from your current boyfriend’s perspective, you’re already cheating. I tell all of my monthly arrangement partners to “have multiple boyfriends.” Limiting yourself to just one is nothing but a risk—and basically just self-satisfaction: “I only have one boyfriend and I don’t cheat.” But you’re sleeping with your papa, aren’t you?

I think quite a few women have a boyfriend while also having a papa. Actually, I sometimes feel that having both provides a better balance. Women who have multiple papas, or who receive over a million yen a month in total, seem as though they don’t even have time to get a boyfriend—and seem perfectly fine with that. There’s nothing wrong with that, of course. Still, I feel that having a boyfriend might offer a better balance. And when a woman has a papa but still gets angry if her boyfriend nearly cheats on her—even if there’s no conclusive evidence and it’s only something like him bringing up another woman—that also seems pretty normal for a woman.

If you’re asking here, it probably means you feel a little guilty about it somewhere deep down. I’m not making fun of you—I actually find that very human, and I like it. That said, my modest philosophy in life is to just quietly do whatever I’m going to do, good or bad, without making a fuss about it. Or so I say.

You only get one life, and it’s short—it goes by in the blink of an eye. I think you should do what makes you comfortable and pursue what feels right for you. It’s your life, so don’t worry about how others judge you. I’m totally in favor of your arrangement. If Fuu were your papa (a male supporter), I’d spoil you and listen to you talk about your boyfriend, too.

Our staff member, Kosaka, will answer. If you don’t say, “I’ll pay this time, but could you cover it next time?” I feel like you’re just setting yourself up for failure.

If you’re enjoying dates and going to all kinds of places with your papas, it’s only natural to start wanting to treat not just your boyfriend, but also people your age or younger. If you’re relaxing and having a great time at nice restaurants with your papas, it’s also natural to find the ordinary places people your age go to boring. Plus, paying your share to spend that kind of pointless time can start to feel ridiculous. As a result, when you go out with people your age or younger, you may end up treating them if you choose somewhere a little more luxurious—you may want to look a bit impressive. The same goes for your boyfriend: if it’s somewhere he would have to stretch his budget to visit, you’ll likely treat him as well. Even more so if he doesn’t have much income. And if there are lots of places you want to go to and experiences you want to enjoy on dates—especially if dining and the date itself are important to you—your tendency to rely on your papas will naturally become stronger. Being treated by your papas and then treating your boyfriend or younger friends with that allowance is perfectly natural. That seems to have created a cycle: you need your papas, they help you relax and feel fulfilled, and that in turn contributes to feeling fulfilled in your relationship with your boyfriend.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it at all. I’ve also dated women who have boyfriends, friends-with-benefits, or live-in partners, but that’s their private life, so I don’t think anything of it. I don’t think you need to tell your current papa (male supporter) just yet. Apparently, some people aren’t comfortable with it. Hope that helps.

You sometimes hear about women in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) getting younger boyfriends, but I’ve never seen one of those relationships last. They get bored—or rather, fed up—and break up after a few months. The person asking this question is deep in the papa (a male supporter) trap. You could even say she’s been molded by it. And then there’s the younger boyfriend—it’s all pretty easy to understand. Her relationship with her younger boyfriend is basically mama-katsu. They say that in the BDSM world, you can’t become a proper dominant woman without first experiencing being submissive. The relationship with a papa and the relationship with a younger boyfriend are similar in that sense: two sides of the same coin. If she hadn’t done papa-katsu, I doubt she would have dated that younger guy. I said she’s deep in the papa trap, but maybe that kind of relationship is simply her preference—like BDSM. Hopefully, she’ll be lucky enough to find a boyfriend her own age, or a future husband, who treats her like a princess the way her papa does. In the words of the Showa era, men like that were called “kept men.” They spoil a woman, turn her into someone incapable of functioning on her own, and make her feel secure by ensuring she can’t live without them. That’s exactly what her papa is doing to her: using money to make her dependent and turn her into someone incapable of standing on her own. You could even call it codependency. Of course, most relationships have aspects like that to some degree. The kind of relationship that Paper Airplane describes—bringing a senior-junior hierarchy from same-sex relationships into one’s private life—may sound like a heartwarming story, but it has similar elements. That’s why relationships like that have been gradually disappearing lately, right? They’re relics of the Showa era. I’m not saying they’re necessarily wrong, since they’re also a kind of culture. But be careful not to become so incapable of standing on your own that you end up unable to live without clinging to a man. It’s also similar to the way women in the sex industry can become addicted to hosts. Women in papa-katsu may feel good about themselves, thinking they’re the ones exploiting the papas by receiving money and attention from them. But in reality, this structure gradually wears them down and molds them into a certain role. A healthy relationship between a man and a woman—or any human relationship, for that matter—should basically be built on equality. But once someone experiences the appeal of dependence or codependency, some people can’t go back. It’s addictive. The person asking this question seems to have some tendency in that direction, so I think the best place to start is by becoming aware of it. That said, people with BDSM preferences can simply enjoy them and live their lives, so I’m not saying this personality or tendency is wrong and must be corrected.