My parents were very strict about table manners, including how to hold chopsticks and use a knife and fork.
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I understand that the way someone holds chopsticks can depend on their hand coordination and dexterity, so I try not to be judgmental about that. But I absolutely cannot tolerate someone chewing loudly with their mouth open.
The man who made me an offer is clean, gentle, and pleasant to talk to. However, if we were to start seeing each other, I’d hesitate if it meant having to listen to him chew noisily every time we ate together.
Is this kind of eating habit something that can be corrected?
For reference, the man is 63 years old.
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂40s👑Universe female member
Why not skip the meal during the date?
If we’re meeting for three or four hours, I’m fine not eating. I discuss it with her and use the time and money that would’ve gone toward the meal for something else.
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If there’s a chance you’ll part ways anyway, wouldn’t it be better to say something rather than leave without saying anything?
If a younger woman points it out in a cute way, a straightforward papa (male supporter) might take it to heart and be more careful.
Just think of it as: if he changes, that’s a lucky break.
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At 63, someone with such disgusting table manners isn’t going to change.
Even if they were in their 20s, I doubt they’d change.
If you want even a small allowance, it’s easier to change yourself than to change another person.
If you can’t put up with that, you should just quit papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan). Otherwise, it’ll only wear you down.
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In my experience, men over 40 don’t change.
To put it in old-fashioned terms, it would take something as drastic as going to war, suffering a life-threatening illness, or losing someone close to them. Otherwise, it’s difficult.
Especially people who chew loudly never seem to change. I think unconscious behaviors reveal a person’s fundamental outlook—such as a lack of consideration for others, disregard for manners, and sloppy thinking.
Controlling unconscious behavior consciously takes mental and physical effort, but they probably aren’t prepared to make that effort.
You may analyze the things that bother you about someone and think they can be changed. But there’s no logic to liking or disliking someone. Your discomfort with the smacking sounds is an expression of the fact that you dislike that person. You simply don’t like them.
You don’t need to change the other person. Just keep your distance.
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I think table manners are ultimately a matter of personal awareness.
If someone has been called out before or had an embarrassing experience because of it, they may be able to improve.
In your case, since the person is a 63-year-old man in a respected position, I imagine no one has ever pointed it out to him.
Speaking for myself, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to really appreciate people who are willing to point things out to me.
If he’s someone you can talk to openly, you might want to wait until you’ve spent some time together and become closer before mentioning it. He may even appreciate your honesty.
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Unfortunately, it won’t get better.
If even one thing bothers you, you’ll eventually be the one forcing yourself to put up with it.
That’s not good for your mental health—I guarantee it.
Eventually, after saying “I can’t take this anymore,” you’ll end up dropping out. I’m really sorry! (I’ll apologize in advance here.)
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If you’re looking for enjoyable meals and companionship, I don’t think you should pursue this relationship.
Good table manners are very important.
Especially when it comes to keeping the mouth clean—the mouth you’ll be kissing—that’s essential for both people if you’re considering developing the relationship into an adult relationship (intimate).
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