The papa I’ve been seeing said something really hurtful to me on LINE.
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I can’t go into detail because I don’t want to reveal my identity, but he sent me a message that, to me, was just as cruel as being told to “go die.”
This is the kind of activity it is, so I know I should put it behind me and move on to the next person, but I’m deeply hurt, shocked, and sad.
What makes me sad isn’t the papa himself—it’s how painful it feels to be the kind of person someone would say something like that to.
I’m sorry I can’t express it very well.
I think I’m going to go to bed early tonight.
When things like this happen, how do you all recover emotionally?
I’d really appreciate the advice of those with more life experience.
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂Not stated👑Universe female member
That’s awful…
When I think, “Ugh, today is just not my day!” I let myself indulge a little.
You know how there are days when you keep getting stuck at every traffic light for some reason?
On days like that, I become a total homebody (lol). I don’t even check my phone, I avoid loud YouTube videos, and I watch something light and inoffensive on Amazon Prime.
I might sleep during the day, read a book, or make myself a café-style drink at home.
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Sometimes verbal abuse can hurt more deeply than physical violence. Physical violence is often so unreasonable and shocking that it’s hard to process, which makes it tricky—you end up accepting it and letting it grow inside your own mind.
If you trace it back to their motives, they’re deliberately trying to hurt you. Don’t you think taking their words to heart and getting hurt is exactly what they want?
Sometimes, telling yourself, “I’m not letting you get away with that!” and refusing to let those words grow inside you can help you stay calm and brush them off.
Once you’ve calmed down, if they keep trying even harder to hurt you, try amusing yourself by imagining what words or phrases would be even harsher. lol
If you come up with something, you can even throw it back at them. lol
When they start getting worked up and replying angrily, you may even find it funny. lol But responding is probably unnecessary—at the very least, try to stop letting their words take root inside you.
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In relationships between men and women, in most cases, it’s not entirely one person’s fault. Things only begin to improve when you’re able to take responsibility for your own part—not just in the relationship, but in other matters as well.
In any case, all you can do at first is let yourself feel down. If you blame the other person, you’ll never be free from their hold over you.
When you’re depressed, allow yourself to be depressed, then use the rebound to regain your energy. Like a ball bouncing or a spring snapping back, you have to use your own low point as a springboard and pull yourself back up.
The man you were involved with may also have been trying to teach you something.
What was he forcing you to face?
The fact that he said such hurtful things may possibly offer clues about areas you can improve—things you can use to make your future life better.
If you can realize something from this, and remember it as a vow to yourself so that the same thing never happens again, I believe you can become a kindhearted person who thinks of and cares for others.
Sometimes, the crueler the words you hear from someone else, the more they may contain a glimmer of hope for your future.
“Maybe I was doing things that made the other person uncomfortable.”
“I’ll make absolutely sure never to do something like that again.”
There may have been things you did while thinking, “This much should be fine,” or things you didn’t pay much attention to because you believed you hadn’t crossed the line. But it only takes something very small to hurt someone.
If you reflect on those things and apply what you learn to the rest of your life, I believe you can go on living as a stronger and more appealing person.
I know this may sound harsh rather than sympathetic, but when such hurtful words are directed at you in a relationship, there was probably some issue on your side as well. I truly hope you’ll use this opportunity as a turning point in your life.
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Personally, I can’t calmly and honestly accept criticism until I’ve processed and vented my anger, so I let it all out first.
For example, I’ll sit alone in my car and scream, “D*e! D*e!!” at the top of my lungs. If that still doesn’t help, have you heard of rage rooms? I go there and smash appliances like vacuum cleaners with a giant hammer. I’ll also imagine that a mannequin’s face is the person who pissed me off, then repeatedly beat it as hard as I can with a metal bat while yelling, “D*e! D*e!”
After that, strangely enough, I start thinking, “Okay, I went too far with the metal bat to the face. My bad.” Then I can calmly think, “You know, you do have a point.”
It sounds pretty unhinged when written out, but I highly recommend it for stress relief. Give it a try sometime.
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That sounds really tough…
People who say hurtful things are often emotionally impoverished—or simply don’t have the capacity to spare. Whatever the reason, they may be carrying wounds of their own.
If it were me, I’d take their words to heart and at least consider whether they truly chose the right words for what they wanted to say. Their real feelings may lie somewhere else…
That said, you also have to protect your own heart. When something unpleasant happens, I try to think, “I’m glad someone I care about didn’t have to go through this. I’m glad it happened to me instead.” lol
I also eat something delicious and fully indulge in the things I enjoy.
To the person who asked this question: It may be painful right now, but experiencing hardship and sadness can also help you become kinder to others. I hope you can eventually turn that pain into kindness.
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That’s a good question.
I’ve also had an experience where a woman I approached through a dating club told the club all sorts of outrageous things about me. In my case, I said, “That’s not true! Please confirm the facts with her immediately.” In the end, she left the club, so they weren’t able to verify anything, though…
Anyway, I think this question is somewhat similar to the earlier one about “the girl I’d been close with for two years.”
I imagine she took the opportunity to send in all kinds of things—some true and some not. Still, there may be one or two points that make you think, “Maybe that part was true.” I think she’s exaggerating and embellishing those things while she has the chance.
Since it seems to be more about minor details among the facts rather than outright abuse, the shock may ease if you take it as an opportunity to be a little more careful about those things in the future.
Also, it really depends on the person, doesn’t it? (笑) I’ve told the woman I’m currently seeing the same thing, and she said, “I think so too,” so…
Sometimes it simply comes down to the people you happen to meet.
I think the most important thing mentally is to have confidence in yourself and in your actions. As long as that confidence is grounded in reality, I believe you’ll be absolutely fine.
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I can’t believe someone would say something so cruel… Are you okay?
If it were me, I’d try to think positively: “At least I don’t have to deal with someone who would say things like that anymore!” or “I’ll show them!”—not literally, of course, but it can help emotionally.
I’d focus on other things, like eating something delicious, spending time with friends, or going shopping. Getting some exercise might help too!
Please don’t push yourself too hard, and make sure to get plenty of rest.
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Potashium is always here to answer questions with a drippy brain.
Apparently, anpo kaki are also “drippy.”
I wouldn’t say I have that much life experience, though.
When I’m feeling down, I can’t think about anything else and can’t concentrate on anything, so I lie flat on my back on the floor and spend my time doing nothing but staring at the ceiling.
When my worries somehow pop into my head, I look for stains on the ceiling—even if there aren’t any.
Then, when I get sleepy, I just go to sleep.
In winter, I panic when my body heat gets drained and I start worrying that I’ll catch a cold. In summer, I do this without the air conditioning and start worrying that I’m going to get heatstroke.
After repeating this a few times, I start wondering, “What am I even doing?” Then I decide I should stop before I end up feeling sick tomorrow, and somehow I can let everything go.
I used to do this quite often when work had really gotten me down or I was tired of living like a functioning human being.
That’s just my personal theory.
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I believe the best way to recover from being hurt by one person is to find comfort with someone else.
If it were me, I’d quickly try to get close to another woman.
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