I was talking with a fellow papa-katsu friend about how papas who call you by your first name without an honorific are more likely to be people to avoid. Why are they so overly familiar?

Question

In my experience, all the good papas call you “〜-chan.” Every person to avoid I’ve met so far (including one who wanted a suffocation fetish by pushing my face into a bathtub, and one who wanted no-condom sex) called me by my first name without an honorific. Why do these overly familiar older men do that? Do they call everyone by their first name without an honorific? It seems like there’s a positive correlation between dropping the honorific and being a person to avoid.

Answer 1

I think he calls me by my first name without honorifics because we’re really close and I’m “his woman.”

Answer 2

I generally call the girls I’m seeing by their first names with “-chan” added. I don’t call them by their names without an honorific. Men who think they’re good at getting close to people tend to be overly familiar—even with other men. It’s not an absolute rule, but I do think the tendency you mentioned is quite strong. Very occasionally, you’ll come across someone who’s naturally gifted at winning people over and genuinely good at closing the distance. But that’s something completely different.

Answer 3

Until we get into bed, I use polite speech and call them “-san.” Once things start, I gradually switch to casual speech and call everyone “-chan.” Most women call me “-san,” but a few call me “-kun.” I don’t dislike being called “-kun” at all—if anything, I find it cute.

Answer 4

Looking back, I’ve never actually called her by her name in the first place. There’s simply no need to call a woman by her name. Though if I were whispering to her in bed, I’d probably use her first name without any honorific. Using “-chan” in bed would feel incredibly unnatural.

Answer 5

I didn’t realize it until I saw this question, but whenever there was a papa (a male supporter) I wanted to get closer to, I’d say, “The people I’m close to call me ○○, so you can call me that too,” and encourage him to use my first name without any honorific. Maybe it helps them get used to it, because even papas who seem shy at first start closing the distance more quickly. It’s kind of profound to realize that I was basically training them to become “a person to avoid.” Sorry, just thinking out loud.

Answer 6

That may be true. Other than younger teammates from my sports club and friends I’ve known since my student days, I’ve never called anyone by their first name without an honorific—not employees, younger people, romantic partners, or even my wife… Maybe I simply don’t have the courage to do so…

Answer 7

> Why do they address you so familiarly, without using an honorific? Do guys like that call everyone by their first name? There seems to be a positive correlation between calling someone that way and being a person to avoid. Since you’re young, I think he wants to make sure you’re fully aware that “I’m the papa here!” Perhaps he calls everyone else that way too. Though I feel his being a person to avoid may just be coincidental. What do you think?

Answer 8

I’m curious how many papas you’ve dated, how many you were on a first-name basis with, and how many of those turned out to be people to avoid. Isn’t it kind of like when a child says, “Everyone has one, so buy me one,” when “everyone” often really means just two or three people?

I was talking with a fellow papa-katsu friend about how papas who call you by your first name without an honorific are more likely to be people to avoid. Why are they so overly familiar?

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I was talking with a fellow papa-katsu friend about how papas who call you by your first name without an honorific are more likely to be people to avoid. Why are they so overly familiar?

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