Posting again. For those dating multiple people, do you message everyone fairly evenly?
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Emotionally, I can’t reply quickly (within 12 hours) to anyone other than my boyfriend. I reply to my two friends with benefits and five papas once every 5–14 days, and to one guy I’m keeping as a backup once every 2–3 days.
Even though I don’t reply to them, all of my papas have continued seeing me for about a year, so this arrangement feels stable to me.
A friend of mine who also always has nearly ten men in her life is replying to messages all day long.
Is she able to reply to everyone evenly because she doesn’t have any bias in her feelings?
Do you all make sure to reply properly?
And when you don’t get a reply, do you assume the other person has other men as well?
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂20s👑Universe female member
These days, I don’t really have anyone messaging me on LINE just for the sake of chatting, so most of our messages are about making plans to meet.
If someone I see about once a month has to skip a meeting because the timing doesn’t work, I’ll occasionally send a quick update on how things are going.
Since everyone I see has a different meeting frequency, the frequency of our LINE messages varies too.
—Marika
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> Since I don’t reply to my papas, but all of them have continued for about a year, things are stable this way.
If things are stable, I don’t see any reason to ask—you can probably just keep doing what you’ve been doing.
It’s not about what other people do. If things are working for you, I think it’s fine to leave them as they are.
Some relationships continue even when replies are slow, while others end despite quick replies.
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For scheduling, I’d like a reply within 24 hours.
I don’t mind slower replies when we’re just chatting, but I assume people who take a long time to respond have a lot of men they’re talking to.
I usually reply within a few minutes, as long as it doesn’t interfere with work.
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I generally don’t reach out first, but I don’t pursue relationships with women who don’t reply.
And regardless of whether they respond, it’s only natural that they’re seeing other men, so it doesn’t bother me at all.
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I decide based on how the other person communicates. If she’s the type to reply right away, I respond quickly too. If not, I leave some time before replying. Even with women who usually respond instantly, if the conversation isn’t very interesting—or I get the feeling they’re forcing themselves to keep it going—I’ll deliberately slow down the pace myself. Basically, as long as we can stay in touch, I think it’s best to find a rhythm that feels comfortable for both of us.
Some people message frequently, including casual small talk, while others have continued for years with nothing more than messages to arrange our next meeting.
The only thing that doesn’t work for me is someone who takes two or three days to reply when we’re trying to schedule a date. I assume it’s because they aren’t really motivated, and things usually fall through. Even if we do meet, it rarely leads to another time.
Also, I tend to proceed fairly carefully at first. More communication is usually better in the beginning, but everyone has their own rhythm, so sometimes I hold back and see how things go. I also try to figure out whether someone can set the pace themselves—or guide the other person—or whether they tend to be led around.
Even so, I send a message at least once every two or three days, using some kind of excuse: making plans for our next meeting or asking about a restaurant, for example. If you don’t do that, there’s a much higher chance of losing someone who had a good impression of you. That happened to me recently, too…
Everyone makes mistakes, but I think it’s also important to notice when something is going wrong and make the right recovery move at the right time.
Taro
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I generally keep in touch with everyone fairly evenly.
I usually reply right away, but when I’m with a papa (a male supporter), I don’t contact anyone else or respond to their messages, even if they come in.
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I message everyone regularly on LINE, but how quickly they reply varies from person to person.
Some girls reply instantly even though they have boyfriends, while others are slow to respond to me—even though they probably don’t have a boyfriend and I’d rank higher than their other papas.
Personally, unless I’m in a situation where I can’t reply right away—including at work—I generally respond immediately. Sometimes I deliberately match the other person’s response speed, though.
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When someone says “reply immediately,” they usually mean within 2–3 minutes to a few dozen minutes—or 1–2 hours at the latest, especially for women. If they’re quick, it can even be instant.
If no reply comes, there’s probably a reason they can’t respond—excluding times when you already know they’re unavailable.
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