Following up on the answer to the recent question, I have a question of my own.
In several cases, both in the past and recently, things have ended with words along the lines of, “It wouldn't be fair to my boyfriend to continue, and there's no future with you, Early-san.” This is the first time it has happened through a dating club.
Fuu-san's answer got me thinking: when you sense this kind of signal, how do you usually respond? I would appreciate hearing perspectives from both the men's and women's sides.
In my case, I do pick up on the signals to some extent. However, since we've been seeing each other for a long time, and because this is papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) through a dating club, I assume financial considerations may also be involved. So I wait until the other person brings it up, leaving the timing of the breakup to her. I've never been the one to end things myself.
Whether I've simply been disliked, she's gotten tired of me, or she has some other intention—or whether these are just standard lines people use when ending things—I'll take it as an opportunity to improve, so please feel free to share even harsh opinions（笑）
Incidentally, I've never once felt guilty toward their boyfriends. If anything, I find myself thinking, “Good for him,” because I assume that with a fulfilling relationship and a fairly generous allowance, she has become even more beautiful. At the same time, I sometimes think, “He should try harder,” about the boyfriend.
Also, when things end, I feel down and lonely. I only meet someone multiple times if I want to continue seeing her for as long as possible, so I would also appreciate any advice on how to maintain a long-term relationship and how to choose a good partner.
👤Asked byGuest👨GenderMale🎂30s👑Universe male member
Thank you all for your answers.
As always, they were extremely helpful.
Quite a few of them hit me right where it hurts, too（笑）
Things have changed in various ways over time, but just before joining the dating club, I had narrowed things down from seeing multiple women to seeing just one. (I’m married, so please forgive any comments about that premise.)
The main reasons were that she was genuinely wonderful, and that I hadn’t met anyone else I liked enough to want to spend my time on instead of her. I believe I gave her a fairly generous allowance, but we ended things for the same reason as this time, which led me to the dating club. And now, while seeing multiple women, something similar has happened again.
It’s not that I’m unwilling to focus on just one person, but that would also be a major decision. Perhaps it takes a certain amount of time together—or some kind of intuitive feeling—to reach that point.
Compared with others my age, I suppose my career is doing reasonably well, but there’s still a lot I need to work on. For now, even if I did focus on just one person, I feel there are limits to what I could offer. I also occasionally fail to keep up appearances, fail to be a complete gentleman, and end up showing my more purely masculine side.
When it comes to work, I’m someone who genuinely loves both work and money, so my career has continued to grow steadily. Relationships, however, don’t work that way—and that unpredictability is what makes them interesting.
I’ll try to continue while thinking things through, but without overthinking them.
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As Early-san said, I don’t bring up breaking up unless the other person does first. That’s basically my stance too.
In this case, though, there are clearly some strange signals surrounding the adult relationship. It’s obvious that she’s suddenly lost interest, and from Fuu’s perspective, it’s painful and difficult to just carry on, so I’m considering being the one to end things. This is an unusual situation.
I’ve never felt guilty about her boyfriend either. Early on, I openly told her that I supported her relationship with her boyfriend, and I’ve actually cooperated by prioritizing him when adjusting schedules.
I previously had an arrangement with another woman who later got married. Her attitude toward papa-katsu didn’t change even after she got a boyfriend or married, and she herself wanted to continue, so we simply kept going.
I think it depends on the woman. If she gets a boyfriend or gets married but is still happy to continue papa-katsu as casually as before, then the arrangement can continue.
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Good morning, Early!
I wonder if girls who have boyfriends inevitably end up comparing their boyfriends with you, at least to some extent.
Having a boyfriend makes them happy, so I don’t think they have any reason to do papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) other than the money. I think the reason it hurts is that they’ve started developing feelings for you ( ´・ω・｀)
When she says, “Because there’s no future,” I think she means that even if she falls for you, the relationship can’t go anywhere because you’re seeing several other women as well (>_<)
From your answers, you come across as sincere and refreshing. You seem like the kind of person women could easily develop real feelings for!
P.S.
I’ve never had an arrangement that progressed as far as those kinds of signals, so I’m sorry I can’t answer that part!
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Since Early offers a generous allowance and is relatively young for someone in a dating club, I think women are more likely to develop genuine feelings for him. They may also feel more guilty toward their boyfriend than they would if they were seeing a papa in his 40s or 50s.
That’s the official explanation.
But here’s what women really think: unfortunately, when the allowance is only around ¥70,000 or ¥100,000, it’s not uncommon for them to think, “I can survive without that much money. Even if we break up, it won’t hurt me that much.” Many women continue seeing their papa despite feeling guilty toward their boyfriend as long as the allowance is good. It’s the same logic as women who work as Ginza hostesses or at lounges while having boyfriends. They certainly don’t quit just because they get a boyfriend.
So if you absolutely want to make sure she can’t leave you, the only option may be the ultimate one—though it might be considered a dirty trick: dramatically increase the allowance so that she feels there’s enough financial benefit that she couldn’t live without her papa.
My papa is like that. Sometimes he jokes, laughing, “After you leave me, I’ll make sure you’ve saved enough money that you’ll never forget me and will feel glad you dated me.” Pouring money into the relationship with that kind of clear-cut mindset might be one possible approach.
Money really is quite powerful, and there’s clear data showing that raising salaries reduces employee turnover, so I suppose this is just the way things are. But is that really what Early wants…?
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I think the reason things turn out that way may be because Early occupies an awkward position somewhere between being a “man” and being a “papa.”
I’ve gone all-in on being a papa, to the point where I no longer even want to be evaluated as a “man.” I had more than enough fun when I was younger, and I have no desire to compete with young, handsome guys now.
Interestingly, going all-in on being a papa clearly makes me more popular with younger women. The more beautiful they are, the more popular I am. Back when I was trying to project sex appeal and make them see me as a man, I often struggled to win over beautiful women. But now, whether they’re girls of Dating Type A, men’s esthetic massage workers, lounge hostesses, or hairstylists, I’m usually fine as long as I can talk with them for about two hours.
It costs money to maintain their looks, so beautiful women are all looking for papas. And since they’re constantly being hit on, they want men who are relaxed and financially secure. In other words, you compete with “composure,” not with being a “man.”
You should just let go of the naïve idea that says, “I don’t want to admit that women won’t give me the time of day unless I pay them.”
We’ve worked ourselves to the bone and earned the ability to make a lot of money, so we should compete openly with our money.
Being rich = being a male who’s strong in a fight.
That’s how it works.
Early is still young, so I understand wanting to enjoy being a man for a while longer. But being a papa is fun too. Once you go all-in on being a papa, you start seeing a different world. It also makes you more motivated to work on your business, so it’s win-win.
To sum up, I think it’s better to choose one side: either compete as a man or compete as a papa. If you commit fully to one or the other, you probably won’t get rejected, and you’ll be able to have the long-term relationships Early wants.
Also, when you go all-in on being a papa, a certain number of women will eventually start seeing you as a man. Women seem to be creatures who want to chase men. Maybe Early hasn’t been pursued enough because he lets too much of his “man” side show. You shouldn’t chase women. Make them chase you.
“Ace” is chasing me. She openly calls me her boyfriend. But I never step outside my position as her papa. I’ve realized that the more I do that, the more she chases me. She will absolutely never leave me unless I’m the one who breaks things off. I can say that with certainty.
If you continue being a humble papa without forgetting to show gratitude, I think you’ll ultimately be able to get what Early wants.
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Reading Arly’s answers, I get the impression that, as club dating goes, your allowance amounts, the number of women you see at once, and your cool-headedness are all ideal.
At the same time, I imagine that if you’re active in club dating at such a young age, there must be some reason you need to avoid ordinary romantic relationships.
From a typical woman’s perspective, that can feel a little lacking.
And from that point of view, it may also seem like you’re seeing quite a few women simultaneously.
Given your current, somewhat reserved position, I think your current style works well.
> I only meet someone multiple times if I want to continue seeing her for as long as possible.
Even if she’s a club-dating partner, the other person wants to feel, “It has to be me,” and wants both of you to feel that way about each other.
If you reduce the number of women you’re seeing and meet only those who make you think, “It has to be you,” I think a long-lasting relationship could be possible. However, that seems quite different from the style of relationship Arly envisions.
For now, since you’re keeping a backup plan, I think you’ll stay within the range where you feel protected. That range isn’t particularly broad, and you don’t seem inclined to adapt or expand it freely, so I imagine you’ll continue seeing women without stepping outside those boundaries.
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“I’d feel bad for my boyfriend, and there’s no future for us.”
I think those words mean exactly what they say.
It’s not that she dislikes you or has grown tired of you. But to put it bluntly, she doesn’t see you as a romantic partner.
Also, even if you’ve never felt guilty toward her boyfriend, something must have happened between them that made her feel guilty.
In other words, I get the feeling there’s a good chance something happened that brought her closer to marrying her boyfriend.
If you can’t give up on her, how about becoming her dinner-only papa (no intimacy) once she’s married?
After a few years of marriage, people often develop various frustrations, such as ending up in a sexless relationship. Maybe you could reconnect then… Though if something happens, there is a risk of being liable for compensation, haha.
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I’m not entirely sure, since I haven’t had anyone end things with me after we started a serious relationship. But I think I’d continue until she was the one to bring it up.
I imagine the women I date have various reasons for being in the relationship, and ending things also involves all kinds of circumstances. Whether to bring it up or stay as things are—when they’re struggling with that decision, I think I probably pick up on some kind of signal.
Since papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) is a kind of arrangement, I don’t feel guilty toward anyone either.
I don’t think there’s any particular secret to making it last. Despite the age gap, you simply treat each other with consideration and date naturally, as yourselves. If you’re both having fun and the relationship benefits you both, I think it will continue.
How I choose the right partner
When I first joined, I chose women myself, but rejected offers and other factors weren’t reliable at all, so I decided to ask the club to select someone for me.
The club’s selection was quick. It took less than half a day before they said, “Date-san, what do you think of this woman?” (laughs)
Looking back, perhaps the club didn’t give it much thought and was prioritizing sales. Maybe they wanted to get an offer for a woman who had only recently joined and hadn’t received any yet. (That’s just my speculation—sorry to everyone at the branch.)
In my view, any woman who sincerely engages with me is a pass. The club may have thought she seemed like a good match for me as well.
As long as we’re willing to genuinely engage with each other, I think we can talk things through and build a relationship that satisfies us both.
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Good morning, Early.
I’ve never met you in person, so this is only speculation, but perhaps she started to like you more than her boyfriend and didn’t know what to do. You’re young, and your allowance is better than what most others offer, so maybe that’s why she decided to break things off with you.
But perhaps she came to her senses and realized that the two of you could never truly be together in the future—you probably wouldn’t enter into a monthly arrangement or stay with her as a lifelong mistress.
Or maybe she was jealous of the other women you’re seeing and wanted you all to herself. It could have been possessiveness.
Even in a transactional relationship where both people understand the arrangement, the more wonderful the man is—and the more she genuinely likes him—the more she may find herself wishing he would be hers alone.
If things are going well with the other women just as before, I don’t think you need to worry. Especially if you have no intention of limiting yourself to just one woman.
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Thank you as always. This is Nana Ayase ♡
I don’t know what kind of relationship you had with that woman, but if the others haven’t told you they want to break things off, then I think you’ve been treating them well. I was wondering if the woman you just parted ways with simply felt guilty because she had someone she truly cared about…
Or maybe you wanted Arii to be more possessive of you?
Personally, I’m not good with vague, casual relationships, so being just one of many would feel a little lonely to me. I’d probably feel like we could break things off at any time.
People really are all different. I recently broke up with someone I truly cared about too, so I think I’ll be hung up on him for a little while.
I hope you can find something else to take your mind off things. When I remember him, I can’t stop crying either (இдஇ; ), so I’ll stop here.
You’re better off not worrying about it. It’ll only hurt.
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Arly is young, kind, and generous with his allowance, so I think the women end up developing genuine feelings for him even when they initially enter the arrangement intending to keep it transactional.
Even so, since there’s no future in it, they may be taking a defensive stance and trying to walk away before things turn into a messy situation.
I think it’s perfectly fine to wait for the other person to bring it up.
Marika
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