“I’m glad I chose this person. I’m glad I married them.”
“I need them, and they need me.”
If you feel that kind of small happiness and grow emotionally attached, maybe there’s no real breakup—whether you’re married or dating…
There’s a Japanese word, *futokoro*, meaning the warmth and emotional refuge someone offers.
If that space is deep enough, the other person gradually slips further and further into it from the very beginning and finds comfort there. And if they keep going deeper, it becomes more than simply liking or disliking someone—the very sense of leaving or breaking up becomes numb, and the relationship simply continues to exist.
There are similarities in work relationships too, but work is emotionally detached, so when it ends, it ends cleanly. With a man and a woman, though, if neither person wants to acknowledge that the relationship needs to end, they end up keeping it going—even if how often they meet changes.
I used to think that only happened outside the club, but realizing that the financial aspect of club relationships can also make the bond stronger has taught me something new.
This is just my speculation, but I feel it’s less about lingering affection and more about wanting to avoid the hassle of ending the relationship.
There’s also the question of how to cover living expenses—or earn an income—after the divorce. And if there are children, issues like custody and child support come into play, so perhaps many people choose to maintain the status quo.
That’s why people who can support themselves financially are more likely to choose divorce.
It’s the same with papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan). People who aren’t desperate don’t force themselves to continue a relationship.
