I’m the one who asked about the handsome older guy… Thank you for your answer! He’s a kind person, so I’m planning to continue seeing him, but I was wondering whether I should tell him that I wish he would relax and give me a little more space.
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When I say he’s being too pushy, I mean things like sending lots of follow-up messages, or trying to make several plans for the future even though we already have a date coming up soon. Maybe he likes surprises, because every time we meet, he gives me presents, and sometimes the hotel room is decorated with rose petals and balloons when we walk in.
I’m also a little concerned that he often makes comments suggesting he lacks confidence, perhaps because so many women have left him. He’s kind and handsome, so I can’t help thinking he’d be popular if he weren’t so pushy!
I’m Nana Ayase☆
Isn’t he a great papa? ♡
You absolutely shouldn’t let him go. I’m not saying you should be overly pushy, but you should keep him wrapped around your finger.
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I’m Fuu, a column writer.
I see. He’s an even better papa (a male supporter) than I imagined.
If you put it too bluntly, you might hurt his feelings, so try being a little indirect:
- Let him know that he doesn’t need to worry because you’re not planning to leave anytime soon.
- If he starts coming on too strong, make comments that encourage him to relax a little.
If you guide him with your own words so that he feels more confident, he may calm down a bit. Mix up the pace and help him become the attractive older gentleman who suits you.
I feel like you can do it.
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I’m Aya, a female member.
He sounds like a good person. If it were me, I’d go along with all that eager effort and make sure he knew, “This makes me happy.”
If it feels like too much, how about telling him, “You don’t have to go that far—I like you just the way you are, so you don’t need to push yourself”?
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This is Dai, a male member.
I can really understand why men sometimes feel insecure or anxious.
But once the man you’re seeing realizes that you’re not going to leave him, I think he’ll gradually calm down and ease off the act.
If you take things slowly, gently point things out, and work on them little by little, you might be able to have that kind, handsome older man all to yourself, haha.
For now, when you meet in person, tell him directly that you’d like him to cut back on the follow-up LINE messages, so you can set the pace.
Also, even if you do eventually decide to part ways, I think it would be a good idea to promise each other that you won’t suddenly stop responding.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
I think it would be good to tell her something like, “You’re kind and attractive, so you’d be even more appealing if you seemed a little more relaxed.”
She’ll probably ask what makes her seem so lacking in composure, so you could explain that it’s things like sending follow-up messages and constantly trying to make plans far in advance.
Giving you presents and decorating the room every time you meet doesn’t necessarily seem like a lack of composure—it may simply be a matter of taste.
Since it doesn’t seem to be your cup of tea, I think it would be best to tell her that it makes you feel pressured.
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