I’m Saito, a columnist♪
Joe and Takita’s answers were so thorough that...
I thought I might refrain from answering myself... lol
> On our second date, after the conversation above, he invited me to a hotel, but I turned him down.
> I wanted to wait until I felt enough of a sense of security to think, “I’d be okay with this person,” but I didn’t feel that way at the time.
It’s difficult to determine when you feel it’s truly okay, especially from a woman’s perspective, isn’t it...?
From the man’s point of view, I imagine he’s probably met plenty of women who kept putting things off like that. But as you say, if you don’t click, you can simply move on and let him go. And with so many other offers, you can just choose the wonderful men who suit you.
> Is this way of thinking naïve?
Whether or not it applies to this particular comment, if you’re looking to reflect on your own shortcomings, I think you should gradually develop a certain level of judgment and learn to make decisions a little more quickly.
I hope you meet a wonderful man among all the offers you receive.
Columnist and male member Joe humbly offers his answer.
I think your way of thinking is wonderful! And sweet—in the best possible sense—like the “world’s sweetest chocolate” I had in Brussels last year. Joe doesn’t think you need to change your views at all.
From your post, you sound like a truly captivating woman. After all, you wrote, “I’ve chosen Dating Type B, and I fully understand that many men are looking for that kind of physical relationship. If we click, I’d definitely be open to taking things further—even on the very first date.” A woman who thinks that way couldn’t possibly be anything but captivating. That may be hard to understand, but of course, it’s a compliment (lol).
Joe considers himself a “fake gentleman,” but while I understand that the club has to set some basic guidelines—“C or D means the first date,” and “B means after the second date”—male members who take that literally and get angry when they’re turned down despite being Type C or D (Joe included, though admittedly with a wry smile) are being incredibly immature.
Now, about this particular situation. As you suspected, that male member was probably all fired up because it was supposed to be the second date. On the other hand, seeing him get angry after being turned down must have completely killed the mood for you. I understand perfectly—almost as if I were feeling it myself, the way men do (lol). But he really shouldn’t have gotten angry! Joe will have a quiet word with him.
So please look at immature male members—including Joe—with just a little kindness. And forgive us. No, you don’t actually need to contact him. And getting into bed with him right away would be completely out of the question. It’s enough if you forgive him in your heart. If you do, at least Joe will be able to sleep soundly tonight.
By the way, that male member wasn’t Joe, was he? Now I’m not going to be able to sleep after all (lol).
Maezawa here.
Since this involves a man and a woman, there may be various differences in perspective, which can make things complicated.
“I’m not interested in women who think they can simply do it and get paid.”
I think there may be a difference in how this is being understood.
This is a completely different idea from “As long as I pay, I can have her.”
When men say “a woman who thinks she can simply do it and get paid,” they mean someone who views intimacy as a job. Whether she actually does it professionally is irrelevant—it’s about her mindset.
For example, someone who thinks, “I’ve done it, so pay me,” or who quickly gets dressed and leaves as soon as the man is finished—in other words, someone who exists only for that purpose.
Even if it doesn’t go that far, imagine saying, “Do you like movies? Shall we go see one next time?” and getting a response like, “A movie would add another two hours… could you increase my allowance next time?”
It refers to women who think about everything in terms of an hourly rate. I believe the point is that men aren’t attracted to women with that kind of mindset.
I think there are quite a few men at dating clubs who make comments like the one above. If all they wanted was intimacy, they could simply go to an adult entertainment establishment, so it seems that men who want something more are the ones who come to dating clubs.
As for what that “something more” is:
The allowance is a given.
But beyond that, they want a relationship that feels like a genuine romantic relationship.
That’s probably what it comes down to.
So they would likely be happy if a woman gave them a birthday present. (They have money, so they can usually buy whatever they want themselves, but they’re happy because she thought of them.) Small acts of consideration would also make them happy.
If a woman treats them like a normal romantic partner in that way, they’ll probably want to see her again. Those emotional aspects are important.
On the other hand, a woman who thinks, “The man’s goal is obviously H, so I just have to sleep with him, right?” may make the man think, “In that case, I’ll just go to an adult entertainment establishment. There’s no need to meet her through a dating club.”
Of course, men vary. Some may want to become intimate right from the first day, and some may want to go straight to a hotel without having a meal. (However, the latter is against the rules of Universe Club.)
So while becoming intimate is important, I think it would be best to understand that many men find it boring if that’s all there is to the relationship.
In this case, I think the reason he invited her out a second time may also be that, since neither of them is a child anymore, he wanted to find out whether they were compatible intimately.
With Dating Type B, women are often invited to meet a second time.
If the other person seemed upset when you turned him down, rather than becoming suspicious of him, I think it may be better to consider that you simply didn’t turn him down very skillfully.
If you decline gracefully, he may invite you again, and in time you’ll be able to determine whether he’s someone you can trust.
If that happens, I think you should properly explain to him why you’re still hesitant to take that step.
The fact that he didn’t invite you to become intimate on the first day and waited until the second meeting may mean that, if your conversation is convincing, he might be willing to wait a little longer.
That conversation is important.
As for him becoming upset: Men naturally get sulky when things don’t go their way. (笑) Some people can keep it off their faces, but they’re usually men who are very experienced with dating—or exceptionally kind men. Most men will show it on their faces.
Once you understand that this is simply how men are, you may be able to take it more calmly and think, “Ah, I see.”
I don’t know how much experience the person asking the question has with men, but I do think you can learn what a man is really like in bed.
You can see whether he’s kind or not, for example. That’s why many men wonder, “We slept together once, and then she stopped responding… why?”
There can be various reasons, but perhaps she realized what kind of person he was during that first time.
How many dates you wait before agreeing is entirely up to you.
Please act in a way that won’t leave you regretting your decision.
You don’t have to let yourself be swept along, but you can probably tell after the first meeting when someone is truly not right for you.
