This is more of an "What would you do in this situation?" question, and I’d appreciate your opinions. I fully understand that everyone is different.
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There’s a 23-year-old B-type woman I’ve had dinner-only dates with about three times so far (the allowance was 1 each time).
・At the end of our third date, I asked whether there was any possibility of an adult relationship in the future.
・She said she had never had an adult relationship through a dating club and couldn’t enter that kind of relationship without developing romantic feelings.
・After we parted, I messaged her asking if she’d like to meet again, saying that dinner only would be fine with me.
・She replied that developing romantic feelings would probably be difficult, and that because things had become awkward after the exchange above, she wouldn’t want to meet unless the allowance was raised to 2.
Right after she turned me down on our third date, I thought I’d be fine with continuing to see her for dinner only because she was fun to talk to and her looks are exactly my type. But after hearing several times that she doesn’t see me as a romantic prospect, I’m starting to lose interest (笑). Isn’t it normal not to develop genuine romantic feelings through a dating club in the first place...?
From the woman’s perspective, I can imagine the following possibilities:
・From the beginning, she never intended to consider an adult relationship unless the man was exceptionally good-looking, and wants to keep things going with dinner-only dates.
・She had considered an adult relationship, but finds me extremely unattractive on a visceral level and wants to cut things off if she can’t keep things going with dinner-only dates.
・Even if she were to consider an adult relationship, she wants to raise the allowance level while things are still dinner only.
Raising the allowance isn’t a major issue for me, but if this is how she sees me, I feel there’s little chance of an adult relationship, and that continuing probably won’t lead to anything good.
What do you more experienced veterans think?
For reference, she’s 23 and a university student, while I’m 36.
In her profile video, she said she’d probably meet someone around four times before things developed into an adult relationship. This is a bit rambling, but I’d appreciate your advice.
I’m Flag Maker, a columnist.
That kind of thing happens, right? lol
And at some point, don’t you start thinking, “Just because I’ve been kind and considerate, don’t take advantage of me and treat me like a fool”? Or is it just me? lol
There are definitely a certain number of women who seem to get tons of offers, are seemingly impossible to win over, and are shrouded in lies and mystery. In my experience, the more a woman says, “It depends on the person,” the more it actually means, “It depends on the money.”
So I tried offering a generous allowance, she said okay, and when we became intimate, it turned out to be incredibly underwhelming. The whole experience was disappointing. They should learn from the other women who actually put in the effort. Don’t take papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) lightly, lol. That’s how it usually ends up.
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I’m Shingo Lee (Shingori), a columnist.
The human brain hasn’t evolved since the days when Homo sapiens hunted mammoths.
Back then, people lived in villages of about 150. Female Homo sapiens had the ability to instantly decide whether they were willing to accept a male’s genes when meeting one-on-one outside the village.
It’s the same in Japan’s concrete jungle in 2021.
The moment you meet, 99% of them have already decided, “No adult relationship here.” Presenting unexpected terms afterward isn’t going to give you much of a chance.
So this time, it’s probably best to give up.
From next time, wouldn’t it be more efficient to ask at the first meeting: “It’s fine if we make a decision by the fourth meeting, but honestly, are you open to an adult relationship with me?”
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Maezawa from the CEO’s Office here as well.
> She said she’s never had an adult relationship through a dating club and can’t enter that kind of relationship without romantic feelings.
She probably isn’t a Type B on the club’s dating scale, so you should report it to the club.
That said, she may have adult relationships with other men, so if you report it emotionally, you could end up embarrassing yourself. I think it’s better to say something like, “You mentioned that, so I thought I’d report it just in case,” and keep it casual.
> What do you think?
From now on, it will be dinner only forever. There’s not even a 1 mm chance of it becoming an adult relationship.
But if you’re okay with that and enjoy spending time together over dinner, then I think you should continue seeing her.
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I’m Dai, a male member.
Basically, I think you only get one chance to ask for an adult relationship (intimate), regardless of the type of woman.
If she turns you down, the gentlemanly thing to do is to gracefully walk away.
I think her reasoning probably falls into one of these categories.
Women who say they want to meet three or four times before deciding—Type B—can be difficult to negotiate with even through the club.
Since the right approach differs from woman to woman, try different things and see what works.
Your chances might have improved if you’d offered an allowance of 2 or 3 instead of 1 during those three dates. On the other hand, she might have continued to designate you as a dinner-only papa afterward.
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I’m Hikōki, a male member.
For a genuine B-type woman—not someone closer to C—I don’t think an allowance of 1 for dinner is acceptable. It’s far too insulting to women.
If you had offered an allowance of 2 from the start, things might have progressed to an adult relationship by the fourth or fifth meeting—possibly even by the second. She might even have initiated things without you having to ask.
The reason is that a genuine B-type woman doesn’t want an adult relationship every time you meet, so the dinner allowance is almost as important as, or even more important than, the allowance for an adult relationship. In fact, I’ve never offered or discussed an allowance for an adult relationship.
If a man doesn’t find dining out, going places, and enjoying fun dates appealing, then the romantic feelings the woman refers to within the club probably won’t develop—she simply won’t enjoy being with him.
It’s important not to make the difference between dinner and an adult relationship too small. But making it more than four and a half times larger sends the message: “You’re worth something to me for an adult relationship, but my dates with you are worth only this much.”
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Since you say you’ve never had an adult relationship through a dating club, aren’t you pretty much a B who leans heavily toward A?
It sounds like you tried to storm a nearly impregnable castle with light equipment—a small allowance.
Did you think you could pull it off just because you’re young?
The path of training is a difficult one.
I can give you some lessons, though (lol).
Marika
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I’m Taro, a male member.
Well, if you look at it realistically, I think you’re better off giving up and moving on. Going by your options, that would mean either number one or two. Reality is tough, though, so let’s go with number two（笑). If she’s actually interested, she’ll contact you even if you leave her alone. I’ve had a similar experience myself, and when we met again after some time, we ended up talking about the terms of the arrangement. This kind of thing happens fairly often.
Making a move on a woman you genuinely like but probably can’t get is pretty cool, but wasn’t that why you came to a dating club where money solves the problem in the first place? Trying to win over a woman who’s already said no is also a kind of game, so if that’s what you’re into, you might as well enjoy it. Though if you’re going down that route, you’d better give it some spectacular ending—like having your entire fortune swindled. That would make it much more exciting and give those of us cheering you on from the sidelines something really worth rooting for.
P.S.
This answer comes from Taro, a lifelong virgin with no experience with a supposedly lucky woman in her 40s. Sorry for all of that（笑).
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I’m a “loser guy” among the male members.
Women probably decide within a few seconds of meeting you—though that may be an exaggeration, so let’s say within the first ten minutes—whether an adult relationship is a no-go or might be possible depending on the allowance.
Just going by the questioner’s description, I get the feeling that developing this into an adult relationship may be difficult. Still, it’s true that once you give up, it’s over. So you might try adding ¥10,000 to the transportation money, making it ¥20,000, and going on two or three more dates. Then, as a final, nothing-to-lose attempt, you could make your move.
Also, if she’s exactly your type, and you were originally prepared to offer 50,000 yen in allowance, I think you need to be ready to go all in—for example, offering 80,000 or even 100,000 yen, with the resolve to focus exclusively on her.
If you like her that much, I hope you’ll give it your best.
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I’m N nana Ayase♡
Questioner… I’m sorry to put it so bluntly, but… you’ve been rejected.
There are plenty of women out there, so let’s move on to the next one.
One for dinner… Is that what you mean? “1” is for transportation costs, right?
Try broadening the age range and making offers to all kinds of women.
I hope you find someone great♡
♡ Mac, thank you for the introduction!
I’m looking forward to it.
By the way, Nana Ayase is a C type leaning toward B.
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