I have a papa I’ve been seeing for four years, and we’re very close. He’s incredibly kind and always goes out of his way for me (we agreed on no allowance, and he buys me things I need for daily life), but I’m bothered by how poorly he treats store employees.
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Sometimes he speaks to them in a really aggressive way. Yesterday, we went into a restaurant 40 minutes before closing, and when they told us, he intimidatingly rattled off, “Then what Chinese dishes can you make in ten minutes right now?! We’re in a hurry here!” The employee looked completely flustered.
Without thinking, I reflexively gestured for him to calm down, which hurt his pride. He stormed out of the restaurant and seemed really depressed afterward, though he did at least come back.
He said things like, “Do you realize I cut work short today and came to pick you up just so I could see you?”
He’s genuinely kind, and I love him very much, but seeing the way he treats store employees makes me nervous too, so I reacted that way without thinking.
I suppose things might have been resolved if I’d apologized, but somehow that didn’t feel right, so I left it as it was.
We did make up in the end, but things still feel awkward. How should I interact with him from now on? If something like this happens again, I’ll try my best to hold myself back, but…
I’m Meg, a female member.
> Do you realize I wrapped up work early and came to pick you up just to see you today?
Once you say something like that, it’s over, right…?
Of course that would kill the mood.
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① Stay quiet and let the situation pass.
Pretend you didn’t hear anything.
Pretend you didn’t see anything.
② Then, if he complains that you didn’t take his side, break up with him.
I didn’t do②, and ended up staying with him for a long time. Eventually, the emotional abuse directed at me became too much, so I broke up with him.
② might not make much sense, but for example, if he gives the staff a look that says, “Sorry about this,” or pressures me to speak up too by saying, “You need to say something as well,” I refuse. In the end, he gets even angrier when I make him contradict himself.
To keep things from dragging on—and, like this time, to avoid being criticized—the best thing is to ignore him.
However, it causes a tremendous amount of stress unless you have an exceptionally strong mental fortitude. My stomach started hurting.
In short, the best option is to break up with him as soon as possible.
Marika
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I’m Shingo Lee (Shingori), a columnist.
He sounds like a papa (a male supporter) who’s probably always been popular with women.
His testosterone levels must be through the roof ♡
If he fixes this quirk, he’ll probably become less generous and less kind.
Nobody’s perfect, so just put up with it and you’ll be fine!
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I’m Ayase Nana ♡
Ugh, I couldn’t deal with someone like that…
Someone who acts so superior and takes their frustrations out on others—I mean, are they in elementary school?
Why not say goodbye? It’ll just leave you feeling uncomfortable, right?
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I’m a male member, and a bit of a loser.
I’m a man, so it’s hard for me to give advice from a woman’s perspective, but when the woman I’m seeing is rude to someone else, I tell her this:
“It’s okay if you’re rude to me. You don’t have to show me any gratitude, either. But you must never be rude to anyone other than me. I could never fall for a woman like that.”
Rephrased for you, the questioner, it might be something like:
“It’s okay if you’re rude to me. You don’t have to show me any gratitude, either. But please don’t be rude to anyone other than me. I don’t want to see a papa (a male supporter) behave that way.”
Something along those lines, perhaps.
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I’m Maezawa from the CEO’s Office, and I’ll answer this one too.
It sounds like his reasoning is, “I’ve gone out of my way for you, so you can’t blame me for making unreasonable demands of the restaurant, right?”
If that’s the case, maybe try talking it through with him, saying something like:
“I do appreciate that, but I’d like you to change the way you say it.”
You could perhaps explain it to him as if you were gently correcting a child, along the lines of:
“I like people who treat and speak to others—including restaurant staff—the same way they treat me.”
But unlike children, once people reach a certain age, it’s quite difficult to change them.
Even so, just having that conversation may make him think, “I just got carried away earlier…”
If so, maybe you could find it in yourself to forgive him?
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