I asked for advice about love—or whatever—this morning. Thank you so much for all your answers.
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I don’t think my main guy has a girlfriend. I stay over at his place two or three times a week, and judging by the state of his room (toothbrushes, shampoo, stray hairs), plus the fact that he has introduced me to his mother, siblings, and friends, I feel like he probably doesn’t have a girlfriend. I even had dinner with him and his mother, and he told me to feed him in front of her, so if he had a girlfriend, I don’t think he would make me do something like that in front of his parents. That’s why I’ve simply assumed he’s single. By the way, when my main guy introduces me to relatives or friends, he says, “She’s my cute favorite girl.”
Also, earlier he told me, “Just admit that you see me because I give you spending money. Even if you admit it, it’s not like I’m going to stop seeing you. I just hate having things left vague.” We didn’t meet through a club, so it’s not like we have clearly defined this as papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) or a transactional relationship. I’m happy with things as they are now—seeing each other while he gives me spending money—so why does our relationship need to be clearly defined? From a man’s perspective, is it unpleasant to give a girl spending money in exchange for seeing her?
I don’t see him as exactly the same as the papa (a male supporter) from my transactional papa-katsu relationship, either. But I don’t know right now whether I would still see him without the spending money, so all I can give is a vague answer. If he gave it to me at first and then suddenly stopped, I think I’d be disappointed because I’d feel like he was treating me carelessly.
For now, this week I’m going motorcycle touring with my main guy and one of his seniors, but apparently he’s taking me along as “his girl.” Does he want to make me his girlfriend? If he does, I wish he would just say so.
I really don’t understand what he’s thinking...
Please give me advice one more time.
I’m a male member who’s lost more than he’s won.
I don’t think there’s one right answer.
I’ve had plenty of relationships since I was young. Back before dating clubs existed, I was seeing five women at once. I’ve been cheated on, had affairs, been involved with married women, and experienced pretty much everything—but I’ve never found anything resembling the right answer. I may not have even come close.
Even now, I’m seeing more than ten women at the same time, mainly women I met through Universe. But no matter whether you build up hundreds or thousands of experiences, you’ll never arrive at the right answer. If anything, I feel like I’m only getting farther away from the “right” way to date or fall in love.
Looking back, I sometimes think, “I should’ve done this,” or “I should’ve done that,” but that doesn’t mean those choices would have been right. I did my best at the time.
So please worry and struggle as much as you need to. The more you think things through, the more wonderful a woman you’ll become.
If you send me a reverse offer, I’d be happy to listen to your love troubles over a dinner date.
I have absolutely no confidence that I can give good advice, but I can at least worry things through with you.
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I’m Shingo Lee (Shingori), a columnist.
If this is taking a toll on your mental health, cut off your “main guy.”
He likes the vague relationship you have now. In his eyes, this uncertainty is the ideal situation. The money you’re receiving is basically the expense he pays to enjoy keeping things ambiguous.
Instead, you should look for someone you’d want to be with even without receiving money. You’re the youngest you’ll ever be today, so now is the best time to find success in love.
Also, I find it more concerning that you seem so fixated on money. Money is a means, not the end.
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It’s me.
What does your main guy want to do, and what do you want to do?
It’s not coming across at all what either of you wants, or what you each value in the other enough to keep seeing each other.
Continuing without putting those things into words will only increase the stress and the disconnect between you. It’s starting to give off a dangerous vibe.
If you want this relationship to last, and you see him as your main guy, don’t leave those lingering doubts unresolved. Tell him when something bothers you, and if there’s anything you can’t accept, try asking him about it—just without making it overly serious.
> What if he gave me an allowance at first, but stopped partway through?
Whether you take it as him treating you carelessly or as a sign that you’ve become someone special to him is up to you.
There are different opinions on this, but for a man, meeting a female member without giving her any allowance can be a major commitment—almost like introducing her to his parents or friends.
What is he committing to?
That can mean different things too.
Are you setting marriage as the end goal?
Are you setting a time limit for continuing this relationship as a man and woman?
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I’m Flag Maker, a columnist.
Thinking things through myself is exhausting, so I’ll ask the tarot cards. I’ll add the results of the tarot reading sometime tomorrow or later.
Update: Tarot reading results
It feels like the current relationship is less about the two of you liking each other and more about a sense of “possessiveness.”
For the near future, the cards suggest an unfaithful, untrustworthy, suspicious man, so it seems things will probably go that way.
As for his current situation, he seems to be putting everything off because he doesn’t want to make any decisions. But that also means he may miss out on various opportunities.
His desire is to look good in the eyes of those around him. I think he wants to show off and be seen as “being with a good woman.”
Given the current situation between you two, the cards suggest that nothing will develop from here.
The final advice card was blunt: “You should turn your attention to things money can’t fulfill.”
My impression is, why are you even troubled by your relationship with this man? Seriously, shouldn’t there be something else worth worrying about?
Just yesterday, a junior colleague who had developed a habit of leg-tensing masturbation and consequently become delayed in climaxing said, “I’m worried about being delayed.” I replied, “No, what you should be worried about is that you can’t stop the leg-tensing masturbation, right? lol” And he said, “I can’t stop it... lol”
When you can’t stop doing something because of your own desires, that’s actually the root of the problem. Even if you cut off the branches of the worries that stem from it, the worries themselves won’t stop.
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I’m BB7.
You want her to say, “I love you,” “Don’t leave me,” and “I want you all to myself,” while you don’t want to say you like her, can’t be bothered, and don’t want to take responsibility. In other words, you’re a spineless, spoiled little mama’s boy.
More importantly, hurry up and get treated.
The fact that you say chlamydia can be cured just by taking medication shows that both you and your little boyish self are beyond help.
Enjoy passing it back and forth forever.
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I’m Nana Ayase ♡
Th-this is a tough one (sweat)
If your main guy(?) says he wants to give you money, accept it. And keep receiving your allowance from your papa too—let’s save up a serious amount of money.
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I’m Date◎Yume, a male member.
To put it bluntly, I want her to be my girlfriend.
But I’m the kind of modern guy who can’t quite bring himself to say it outright, haha.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
> From a man’s perspective, is it unpleasant to give a girl spending money in order to see her?
Men all have different ways of thinking. Speaking for myself, though, it doesn’t bother me at all.
I’ve had mistresses since I was around thirty. Of course, it hasn’t always been the same woman—we sometimes change, and there have been breaks as well. When I have a girlfriend—someone I’m seeing without an allowance—I don’t have a mistress.
Most of my mistresses have asked me, “I’m young and single, so why are you giving me an allowance and seeing me?” My answer was always something like this:
“First of all, I don’t want to get married. And if you’re my girlfriend, it’s difficult to ask you to be intimate or do certain things when I’m in the mood, because I have to consider how you feel. It’s also a hassle when you ask me to take you somewhere on my days off.”
In other words, for me, the allowance is a way of avoiding all those hassles. If I stopped giving it to them, I’d have to hold back in various ways, so I want to keep paying an allowance.
At the same time, it would feel a little disappointing if a woman were seeing me purely for the money. That’s because what I want is a relationship that includes an allowance, not prostitution.
I don’t know whether your main guy feels the same way, but he might have similar thoughts.
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I’ll answer as Maezawa from the CEO’s office.
Conversely, he may not understand what you’re thinking either.
It seems like he may be considering making you his girlfriend, but he wouldn’t give his girlfriend an allowance.
So when he casually brought it up, you apparently said something suggesting you wouldn’t be interested if there were no money involved. He may have been disappointed that you still wouldn’t become his girlfriend, while also thinking, “If we keep seeing each other, maybe someday…”
I wondered whether he might have other women, but if he doesn’t, that may be what’s going on.
> If he wants me to be his girlfriend, why doesn’t he just say so?
If he said that, you might reply, “I can’t have a relationship without money,” and the relationship would end. So he may be avoiding the subject and simply continuing things as they are for now.
If you don’t understand what he’s thinking, I think it’s best to continue the relationship as it is.
You may understand his feelings someday. Though by then, he may have moved on to another woman.
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