I'm wondering whether I should break up with my mistress, who wants to live solely on my support. Is she a person to avoid?
This content is machine-translated.
I've told my favorite mistress of three years that I want her to have my child, and that I'll support her with an apartment and living expenses for the rest of her life. She's almost 30 and has said that she doesn't want to get married but does want children. As a married man, I can't marry her, but I love her very much and want to stay with her forever.
However, I'm a little concerned about her attitude toward money.
We're currently on a monthly arrangement, but she says that if she has a child, her living expenses will increase, so she'd like to receive more than she does now.
My biggest concern is that she has also said she wants to quit her job and devote herself to raising the child.
Apparently, she currently works as a full-time office employee, but she says she wants to become a housewife because she isn't confident she can balance work and childcare. She even says she wants to hire a housekeeper, since single-parent households face various difficulties.
I suggested that she could manage by enrolling the child in daycare, but she says, “I don't want to work ever again. Once I have a child, I want to live a relaxed life while raising them.
I also want to make an effort to stay beautiful so you won't get tired of me, and I'll need money for beauty treatments to do that.
Even though you say you want to have a child with me, you can't stay with us all the time or truly act as the child's father. So a man's duty is to support us financially instead and show his love with money.”
I'm beginning to wonder whether she was only with me because she wanted a luxurious lifestyle, whether she really loves me, and whether she'll become an even more expensive woman if we have a child. I'm unsure whether I should end things now.
I'd appreciate hearing everyone's opinions.
I’m Dai, a male member.
I’m sure people have different opinions, but after being together for three years, it seems unfair to call her a person to avoid.
You helped create the kind of relationship that led her to become one.
I don’t know how much allowance you’re currently giving her, so I can’t say whether her request for more is unreasonable.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
I’m columnist Shingo Lee (Shingori).
In practical terms, polygamy does make sense. A capable man who can earn a lot of money, like you, should have multiple families and leave behind plenty of talented offspring.
*Though if you’re just living off your parents, I’m completely against it, lol.*
To answer your question, I think this woman is a person to avoid, so I’d be worried about entrusting her with my genes. Even if you stayed single or got married, she’d probably quit working, make you hire a housekeeper, and drain you of your money.
People who splurge whenever they have money should simply be cut off—unless they’re the type who can earn aggressively on their own.
Also, the basic rule of polygamy is that you have to show proper respect and loyalty to your primary wife. If you can’t do that, you should avoid having a second family.
Your options would be to persuade your primary wife and start a second family, or divorce her and marry the second woman—in which case you’d effectively be left with polygamy as your only choice.
Keeping it secret would create an absolute nightmare, so don’t do it. In fact, cut this mistress loose.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
I’m a male member, and a total loser.
Shouldn’t you offer her something along the lines of the following before she even has to ask?
- Whether she works or not is entirely up to you, ○○-chan.
- I’ll give you the apartment in your name.
- I’ll transfer ¥1 million to you every month in advance, whether you work or not.
- I’ll transfer half of my company’s shares to you.
I’d make at least that kind of offer.
And honestly, I’d love to meet a woman who makes me want to promise her all of that. I’d be happy to support her for the rest of her life…
Considering the tremendous sacrifice involved in living your entire life as a mistress, even this may be the bare minimum.
Since I could die before she does, if you don’t have the financial means to make an offer like the one above, please support her properly while maintaining a respectful distance.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
She probably wants to enjoy a celebrity-style lifestyle and raise children on your dime. I suppose there’s nothing wrong with that in itself.
But if she wants to quit her job to focus on childcare, why would she need a housekeeper? Either she just wants to live the celebrity lifestyle, or she’s seriously lacking in basic housework and childcare skills.
Still, at least she won’t have to take care of a demanding husband, so she’ll have it easier than a married woman.
If you want to keep enjoying dates and sex with her as before, you’ll need a babysitter during those times—assuming she’ll still make time for you.
Marika
Oh, and of course, even if she stops making time for you, you’ll still have to cover her living and child-rearing expenses. You’ll probably end up feeling so frustrated that you’ll have no choice but to take on another new mistress, but if you have plenty of money, I suppose that’s fine too.
With the declining birthrate, women who can have children as single mothers should keep having as many as they can.
Good luck.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
I’m Aya, a female member.
You didn’t think things through carefully enough. Didn’t she become serious because you told her you wanted her to have your child? If you hadn’t said that, she could still have looked for someone else. Deciding to have a child is a major life choice for a woman, so she probably gave it a lot of thought.
If you want to end things, I think your only option is to tell her, “I’ve changed my mind—I don’t want you to have my child after all,” and encourage her to start looking for a marriage partner on her own.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
Maezawa from the CEO’s office here. I’ll answer too.
The person asking this question is the real person to avoid.
You said, “I want you to have my child, and I’ll support you for the rest of your life, including your apartment and living expenses,” and now you’re saying you’re thinking about ending the relationship?
Then what exactly did you mean by saying you’d support her for life? I’m honestly appalled by how dishonest you’re being.
> I’m a little concerned about her sense of money.
I’m appalled by your own warped sense of money.
> She says she wants to receive more than she does now if she has a child, because her living expenses will increase.
That’s only natural.
Have you properly calculated how much it will cost to raise a child to adulthood?
If anything, I’d want you to pay around 30 million yen upfront for child support, on top of the allowance.
And if prices rise like they have overseas, even 30 million yen won’t be enough. (Prices abroad have doubled over the past 20 years, so if we assume the same rate of inflation, you’d probably need to pay around 45 million yen in addition to the allowance.)
> She said she wants to quit her job and devote herself to raising the child.
Since you’re not getting married, this would be a single-parent family. Devoting herself to raising the child is the least she could do.
If she’s working and barely has any time to spend with the child, then what’s the point of having one?
You also don’t seem to understand how difficult it is to return to work after giving birth.
In the first place, since you’re not getting married, I don’t understand how you can simply tell her to work and support herself.
If you intend to work and build a life together, then the sincere thing to do would be to get divorced first and marry this woman. Telling her to work when you won’t even marry her is outrageous.
You said you’d take care of her for the rest of her life, yet you can’t even do that. That’s terrible.
If anything, I feel like telling the woman that her future will be in serious trouble if she doesn’t break up with this man.
Do people with a habit of making promises they don’t keep even realize that they’re compulsive liars?
Some truly frightening people exist.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
I’m Flag Maker, a columnist.
> I’ve told my favorite mistress of three years that I want her to have my child, and that I’ll support her with an apartment and living expenses for the rest of her life.
After giving it a lot of thought, I came to the conclusion: “If that’s what you said, then let’s do it.”
P.S. We also need to decide how to avoid any disputes over the inheritance.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
I’m in Seattle.
I could either support her with ¥300,000 or more a month, or give her a lump sum of tens of millions of yen and keep her. Either works.
A cute housekeeper… Maybe I’ll do something like this if I get divorced.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
I’m Paper Airplane, a male member.
You should probably break up. You’re the lover, and she’s the money person.
Uh, wait—before that:
> “I love her so much and want to be with her forever.”
Are you talking about your wife?
First, if you genuinely feel that way about your wife and are still happy together, you should prove it through your actions before making promises you can actually take responsibility for.
More than just being popular, it’s important to develop the instincts to find someone who’s truly right for you.
In the end, you’re responsible for your own choices.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
I’m Kazu, a male member.
I think the person asking the question is actually the person to avoid. I can’t believe he would say things like, “I want you to have my child. I’ll support you for the rest of your life, including your apartment and living expenses,” without thinking about the consequences.
> You can’t say that you want to have a child with me, and you can’t stay with me forever or be a father to the child. So instead, a man’s duty is to support you financially and show his love through money.
I think that reasoning is sound.
It seems irresponsible to say he wants her to have his child and that he’ll support her for life without understanding her feelings for three whole years. Besides, the person asking the question will probably die first—how exactly did he intend to support her for the rest of her life?
He says he’s married, but he’s as thoughtless as an unmarried man in his twenties.
I think he should apologize for his naïve thinking and discuss with the woman what they should do.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
I’m Saito, a column writer♪
At this point, things have reached a stage where both breaking up and moving forward would be risky...
Why did this man drag things out for so long...?
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
