What would you do if you found out that the woman you’re seeing had hidden her profile from you?

I’m Shingo Lee (Shingori), a column writer. I’ve seen plenty of cases where an innocent girl with little romantic experience learns the ropes, starts deceiving people, and becomes selective about who she keeps around. Personally, I think insisting that someone remain innocent forever is just my own ugly ego talking. Deceiving people and keeping things hidden are necessary skills for getting through life. If you truly care about her, I don’t think you should cut ties. But if you’re simply disappointed because you didn’t receive the “vibe = service” you were expecting, then I think it’s better to say goodbye.

I’m Flag Maker, a columnist. I’ve had two similar experiences lately too. Here’s how one of them went: She voluntarily said, “I’ll only see Flag Maker” → then hid her profile from me → went in for a reshoot → and the staff emailed me saying, “Here’s a recommended woman who’s just had new photos taken!” I was like, “Seriously? LOL.” But if anything, it only motivated me more, so I didn’t mention it and proceeded to send her straight into my hospitality hell.

I’m Dai, a male member. I guess ignorance really is bliss. I also know one woman who has hidden me specifically. For the record, I don’t know anyone else involved in papa-katsu, so the fact that I found out was due to a mistake on the club’s part. We hit it off as a Type B woman and man, and things developed into an adult relationship from our very first meeting. We had a great time together, and I came to think of her as my main partner. We exchanged messages on LINE several times outside of arranging dates, but one day she suddenly stopped reading my messages, and I later realized she had blocked me. It happened so suddenly that I was shocked, but even when another woman I dated afterward looked through our chat history, she couldn’t find anything unusual. I found out she had specifically hidden me when her profile came up as a candidate while I was being introduced to a secret woman… I honestly explained everything to the staff and asked whether she had given any negative feedback, but they said it had been “a very enjoyable date,” so the matter remains a mystery to this day. In your case, Mac, at least she contacted you, so that’s something. My answer is ②. I can sense that she regrets what happened and wants to continue her relationship with you, Mac. Why not forgive her without saying anything?

I’m a male member who goes by “Loser Guy.” Nice to meet you, Mac. I completely understand your conflicted feelings. And I think it’s wonderful that you’re able to express such honest feelings in a semi-open forum like this. Showing your weaknesses is one of the most courageous things a man can do. This probably doesn’t answer your question at all, but I’ll share my own conflicted feelings too. Like you, Mac, I’m seeing more than ten women at any given time, and I’ve told all but one of them, “It’s fine if you find another papa (a male supporter).” But deep down, I actually want each of them to choose only me. It’s incredibly selfish, I know. Sometimes I even dislike myself for feeling that way. I also constantly tell myself, “There’s no way a young woman twenty or thirty years younger than me could actually fall for me.” So even when a woman tells me, “I like you,” I don’t believe her at all and just brush it off. And yet, a small part of me wonders, “What if…?” By that, I mean, “What if she actually sees me as a man?” It’s painfully pathetic, and honestly, I’m embarrassed to admit it. Did you perhaps start thinking, “Could she actually like me?” I’m sorry if I’ve misunderstood. If that’s the case, then what happened must feel incredibly disappointing, sad, and frustrating. It could also make you distrust women even more, so I can understand why you’re unsure what to do next. I don’t think there’s one right answer. But I also don’t think there’s a wrong one. Whatever path you choose will be the right one for you, Mac. You could cut ties and put an end to it, taking the disappointment and emptiness with you. Or you could forgive her. I think either choice is valid. The former is about protecting yourself, while the latter is about becoming a better man. So why not flip a coin to decide? Either way, you’ll be making the right choice. Incidentally, perhaps because the offers I make are quite generous (well-paying), several women I’ve been seeing have told me, “I quit the dating club.” Since I’m in a position to know whether someone is hiding their status from specific people, I can tell when a woman is lying. But I don’t immediately cut ties with her over a lie; I simply keep seeing her without saying anything. However, I completely lower her standing in my mind. Then, as soon as a better new woman comes along, I say goodbye. The scary part is that she has no idea why I cut her off. I understand very well how difficult it is for a woman to live on her own. So I believe that forgiving women’s lies is one of a papa’s responsibilities. But a papa is still only human, and we do this hoping that our little “what if” might come true. If there were absolutely no chance, I would never do papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan). I only need one woman. I keep wondering whether I might meet someone who truly loves me from the bottom of her heart. I know it’s unrealistic, okay? I know that. But I’m the kind of idiot who keeps chasing that “what if,” making new offers almost every month. Every day, I lose to my own weakness. That’s why I chose the handle “Loser Guy.” P.S. Sorry this didn’t answer your question at all. P.P.S. There are two women who are seriously in love with me, apparently at their own request. I’m extremely skeptical. When I look at their expressions, I sometimes think, “Maybe she really does like me.” But the next morning, I look at my own unattractive face and come back to my senses, thinking, “There’s no way that’s true.” I go back and forth like that every day.

I’m Paper Airplane, a male member. I think Mac is the one creating situations where the women can lie. Given the number of women Mac is seeing and his packed schedule—at least, presumably—if a woman sees him about once a week, or up to four times a month, it’s only natural that she might say, “You’re my only papa,” in an attempt to make Mac like her more and keep him happy. Especially if he’s been writing in his question box about how much he cherishes having a girl who’s exclusively his—that would only encourage them further, I think. The specific hiding feature probably falls along the same lines. These are still young college students with little real-world experience, so part of me feels that perhaps he should show them a little appreciation for making that kind of effort for his sake. They’re being so earnestly cute, trying to keep Mac in a good mood, aren’t they?

I’m Aya, a female member. Someone as experienced as Mac would immediately realize that saying, “I thought about re-registering, but decided not to,” sounds suspicious. Yet she still tells such a shallow lie… She came across as the type who, because she’s young, is terrible at lying and ends up needlessly hurting or upsetting people. When I was a teenager, I also had a phase where I was so full of unfounded confidence that I couldn’t respect others, and I looked down on the adults who were infatuated with me. Girls like that don’t realize what they’re doing until they learn the hard way. She may not respect Mac’s life experience either—in fact, she may even be looking down on him… As a friend, she’d provide endless entertaining stories, but as a potential romantic interest, she seems far too shallow to be attractive at all. I’d let her go. Sorry, but if Mac enjoys being pushed around, then I suppose it could work for him.

I’m Nana Ayase ♡ If they’ve sent you an apology, then whether you decide to say goodbye or continue things, wouldn’t it be worth meeting once to talk? Is she just an ordinary college student—or a particularly unflappable one? If you reply, “Mac, I have something to talk to you about. Would you meet me once?” she’ll probably think, “Oh no, what should I do?” Put her on edge and give her a little stress until you meet, then once she becomes obedient, Mac can do as he pleases.

Maezawa from the CEO’s Office here. I feel like there’s no point in worrying about what other people say in a situation like this, but— > I never once said I wanted him to leave the site. If that’s the case, then whether he leaves or re-registers shouldn’t matter to you. And yet, the fact that this is stressing you out could mean that: - You were actually happy that he left. - You really want to keep other women to yourself, but just can’t say so. That’s another way of looking at it. > At that point, he went out of his way to tell me, “I was thinking about re-registering, but I decided not to.” In other words, before the date, he was planning to re-register. But after meeting you, he realized you were a very possessive man—perhaps you said something to that effect—and decided not to. However, after the date was over, he started feeling like he still wanted to re-register after all. Since you had always acted as though you were completely fine with everything and had a very generous attitude, he probably thought it would be okay and decided to go ahead with it. It sounds like she was simply struggling with conflicted feelings. > Being specifically hidden from me was such a huge change that it really hurt. If the change felt that drastic, I think you should have made it clear to everyone from the beginning that things like this would hurt you and that you didn’t want them doing it. Based on your usual words and actions, people probably assumed that most things wouldn’t bother you. As for what to do now: > ② Continue the relationship seems like the best option to me. “Even Buddha loses his patience after the third time.” This is probably only the first time, so I think it would be okay to forgive him. > Should I say something to him? What should I say? If saying something is necessary for your own peace of mind, perhaps something like: “This really hurt me. I was planning not to contact you anymore, but that felt immature, so I thought I’d continue seeing you for a little longer. However, if you betray me again, I’ll probably have to end things, so please don’t betray me again.” That sort of thing. But honestly, I feel like it might be better not to say anything and simply make plans for your next date. Once you meet him again, you’ll probably think, “He really is a good guy after all.”

I’m Kazu, a male member. If a woman specifically hides her profile from me, I’d feel rejected and probably keep my distance. So, in most cases, it would be option ②, but I’d distance myself and lower her priority. I wouldn’t be deliberately choosing option ①, but since there are other women who haven’t rejected me, I think it would naturally become ①. My goal wouldn’t be to get her to show me her profile again, so I wouldn’t say anything. I’d simply assume that this is the kind of distance she wants to keep from me. That said, I wouldn’t mind at all if she had told me beforehand that she planned to hide her profile. For example, suppose she asked me for advice after having trouble with another man who had made her an offer, and I told her that the hide function existed. If she then asked the club to hide all the men she had previously been matched with, I’d know why she had hidden me and wouldn’t feel rejected. In Mack’s case this time, what matters more to me than being hidden is that she gave Mack false information the day before. It’s similar to the difference between concealing income, failing to report income, and not filing a tax return. Since this would amount to concealing income, I’d choose ① unless she were such an exceptional woman that I felt it might be a once-in-a-lifetime encounter. I wouldn’t say anything to her in this case either. However, I understand that an apology message has been received this time, so depending on what it says, I might take the circumstances into consideration and choose ②. Since she has already apologized, there would be no point in piling on, so I probably wouldn’t say anything. If there were parts of her explanation that I couldn’t accept, I might ask about those and consider her response when deciding whether to make allowances.