I’m a male member—when you make plans with your partner, who usually does the inviting?
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We’ve agreed to meet twice a month, and I’m almost always the one who reaches out. We don’t message on LINE except to arrange where and when to meet. It’s been about six months now, so I’d be happy if she contacted me sometimes too. Am I asking for too much?!
I’m Tetsu, a male member.
I’m usually the one who reaches out first. However, most of the women I’ve had long-term arrangements with were the ones who approached me. It’s rare for a man to feel put off when a woman makes the first move, so I think the outcome might be different if women tried being more proactive about inviting someone out.
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I’m Hikōki, a male member.
With a twice-a-month arrangement, either person can initiate contact, and I think the communication is usually limited to arranging meetings rather than chatting regularly about everyday life. If you want the woman to be the one reaching out, I think you can shift the dynamic in that direction as well.
In my case, the woman generally contacts me when she wants to meet, and I try to accommodate my favorites as much as possible. With the others, I adjust things so we meet once or twice a month. If those women don’t contact me, I’m fine with not seeing them for a month or two. I might even be okay with not seeing them for six months—or with things ending altogether.
With my favorites, I make a point of going to places they would enjoy, so they’ll feel like reaching out when they want to go somewhere or happen to have some free time.
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I’m one of the loser male members.
I never initiate contact or invite anyone out—not even on LINE. I guess I worry I’d be bothering them＾＾；
That said, I’m always happy when someone reaches out or invites me.
But I’m constantly thinking:
“Would she really enjoy meeting someone like me?”
“She probably wouldn’t enjoy chatting with someone like me on LINE.”
So I just don’t feel like messaging first.
When one of the women I’m seeing runs into trouble, I’ll contact her and do everything I can to help, even bringing in my company’s retained lawyer. But in ordinary circumstances, I don’t reach out first.
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I’m だて◎ゆめ, a male member.
After you’ve been seeing each other for about six months, you usually have a pretty good understanding of one another. If you meet twice a month, it might be fine to say, “Just let me know when you’re available.”
In my case, I started doing that after a year, but I think six months should be fine as long as you’ve built a relationship of trust.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
Most of the women I continue seeing are the ones who usually reach out to me.
However, one of them strongly believed that women shouldn’t be the ones to make the first move. So I told her, “I rarely initiate contact, so please reach out before you’re really in a bind.” Ever since then, she’s started contacting me just before things get difficult. And when I’m in the mood, she’s the first woman I reach out to.
P.S.
The girls who say they want to see me
are cuter.
I’m only human, after all.
— Kazu
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Maezawa from the President’s Office here.
Women may also be trying to be considerate and feel that they shouldn’t be the ones to initiate. I think they may simply not want to be accused of being all about the money.
So, if you’re okay with her contacting you to say she wants to meet, try bringing it up when you see her. Then, when she’s running low on money, she may start inviting you to meet.
If that’s not what you’re looking for and you just want normal communication, you may naturally start having those kinds of exchanges as you become closer.
Once you feel you’ve gotten fairly close, try casually bringing up topics other than just arranging meetups. She’ll probably respond, and you may be able to start chatting more regularly.
However, if she doesn’t feel that you’ve become close, she may force herself to reply, and once she reaches her limit, she may end the relationship. So I think it’s best to be careful.
Basically, it’s best to think of meeting in person as the time to talk about various things.
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I’m Aya, a female member.
If that’s how you feel, it might be worth being honest about it. If their attitude doesn’t change, then they probably don’t care whether you like them that much anyway…
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I’m Dai, a male member.
I also see her about once a month, but I’m the one who initiates.
Since we don’t meet very often, she may feel hesitant about asking me out.
If you let her know that you’re happy to see her anytime and as often as she’d like, I think she’ll feel more comfortable reaching out first.
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