Tips
Sep 5, 2021 12:02
8 answers
Other
I’m Saito, a column writer ♪
I’m honestly so happy.
Other
I’m Aya, a female member.
I can’t help but think that she probably doesn’t like you very much… She doesn’t seem like the type who wants to spend time with you without worrying about the clock. Unfortunately, I think she’s treating you more like an ATM than you realize. If it were me, I’d cut things off right away.
👨 Male
Universe member
I’m だて◎ゆめ, a male member.
> Set a clear time to wrap things up
I think it depends on the reason. If it feels like you’re just spending time together until a certain hour, I might get the impression that you’re just putting up with it.
A～Dまで一通りオファーの経験あり、多くても月１程度でLINEはスケジュール調整のみ、スマートに無理なく長期交際するスタイルです。
Age: 50s
👨 Male
Universe member
I’m Dai, a male member.
This is something you often see on apps and Twitter, too.
Being told things like “so much for 90 minutes” or “so much if we hold hands” feels unpleasantly similar to a very light form of sex work.
I’ve never received that kind of proposal through Universe.
If you part ways smoothly and tactfully after the first arranged date, I think the woman will feel reassured, so she probably won’t bring it up on subsequent dates.
🏅 倶楽部女性のご主人様に潤いを！
Mパパ、永遠の交際継続中！
B1タイプ〜A寄りパパです！
会う度大人は嫌と感じる方………ご相談ください。
Age: Private
👨 Male
Universe member
I’m a male member, Paper Airplane.
Since I think the issue lies more with the person asking who was told that, I wouldn’t worry or overthink it too much. To avoid hearing that again, I think you should put some thought into both what you do and how you spend your time together, so that your time together is enjoyable.
Unless there are special circumstances, I don’t think someone would normally say something like that.
🏅 あなたの味方
お役に立てれば幸いです。
Age: Private
👨 Male
Universe staff
I’m Maezawa from the President’s Office, and I’ll answer this one too.
If you say something like, “I’d appreciate it if we could wrap things up by 11 p.m.,” before the date, I don’t think it would leave a particularly strange impression.
If you say, “I’d like to limit our time at the hotel to 90 minutes,” it may leave a bad impression, but that’s something you can resolve by talking it over.
Actually, I don’t think that many women explicitly tell their partners what time they need to leave. Most hold back, even when they want to say it.
So if women are telling you this frequently, I think the problem is probably that the dates are lasting too long.
Could it be that you’re trying to extend them?
For a first date, two hours plus two hours—four hours total—is a guideline that may feel a little long to women and a little short to men, but is considered a good balance for both sides.
If you make the dates longer because you assume that anything goes after the second date, she may think, “This is someone who won’t understand unless I spell it out,” and feel forced to say something.
You should have enough consideration to make sure she doesn’t have to bring it up herself.
Age: Private
👨 Male
Universe member
I’m Kazu, a male member.
Even if you say you want to clarify the end time before the date, there are various situations to consider.
For a first date, if she says she wants to leave because she has plans more than four hours later, I wouldn’t think much of it. If her plans are within four hours, I might wonder whether she’s making an effort to come, but I’d go ahead with the date and decide whether to give her positive feedback based on how well it went.
As I write this, I realize that when you say, “I do think it’s better than being told on the day of the date,” do you mean she said it while discussing the schedule for a second or subsequent date?
Her impression would depend on how she brought it up, but I wouldn’t particularly think anything of it. If I felt the proposed end time was too early, I’d probably ask, “It sounds like you won’t have much time that day. How about another day?”
If she always suggests meeting for only a short time, I’d assume she wasn’t that interested in me and stop seeing her.
If she was boring to talk to but exceptionally good in bed, then our intentions would align, so I’d probably suggest skipping the meal and meeting just for sex.
🏅 プロおぢ。ほんとはプロパパと名乗りたいけど名乗るほどの実力がない名古屋の汚っさんです。
Age: Private
👨 Male
Universe member
I’m a male member—and, honestly, one of the less successful guys.
Everyone may have different opinions, but I feel it’s good manners for the papa to clearly and smoothly let her know what time the date will end, so that’s what I always do.