I’m 52 and have been doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) for two and a half years. I have one regular papa (a male supporter) in Tokyo and another in Osaka. I live in the Chubu region, so I travel to meet them. Since finding restaurants in unfamiliar areas has become a bit of a burden, I’m considering asking them to come to where I live in the Chubu region soon.

Question

I always read the posts on this Q&A site and learn a lot from them. I’ve asked questions here three times in the past, and everyone has given me answers like, “Ah, I see,” or “That’s another way of looking at it.” When I read other people’s questions and answers, I find myself thinking, “Exactly… I feel the same way,” or “I see… that makes sense.” How do all of you manage to give such thoughtful, considerate answers and advice, along with comments that offer questioners hints to help them take action? I don’t know your actual ages, but I imagine that the male respondents are probably around my age or older. I don’t think I could do that at all. I feel that I really need to learn from the way you show empathy and understanding toward the people asking questions. So, once again, how are you able to give such thoughtful, considerate answers that truly empathize with the questioner? This isn’t a question about papa-katsu, but I thought your responses might offer me some hints about how to interact with people from now on, so I decided to post it.

Answer 1

I’m Meg, one of the female members. I wanted to give something back. Before I went in for my interview, I learned so much from this question box—things like whether my age would be an issue and what mindset I should have going in. Everyone’s answers gave me the push I needed. As I spent more time here, I noticed that many of the answerers were friends with one another, and that there were fewer female answerers than male ones when I first joined. Thinking about diversity, I thought it might be good to have a woman in her 40s like me among the answerers, so I applied. Lately, I’ve been trying not to send private messages to the other answerers, but I still feel as comfortable as ever, happily swimming around in this little pond. The question-box family is the best!!!

Answer 2

I don’t think I’m being all that sympathetic. I’m just writing what I think… But isn’t the whole point of a Q&A forum to have all kinds of opinions?! Marika

Answer 3

I’m だて◎ゆめ, a male member. When answering, I usually say, “This is how I see it.” If I agree with another answer, I’ll respond, “Exactly.” And when I think someone has given an especially insightful answer, I’ll post, “I’m voting for [name]!” Since relationships through a dating club aren’t something you can openly talk about, I hope my answers can offer even a small hint for people wondering, “I can’t tell anyone about this—what should I do?”

Answer 4

I’m Fuu, a columnist. Just like papa-katsu, answering questions is addictive—I can’t stop. I find myself checking the Q&A box almost as often as I check profiles. At the heart of it all, I want to clear up the misconceptions and negativity surrounding Universe Club, this almost urban-legend-like dating club with such a suspicious-sounding name. When a woman happens to run into an unpleasant papa and uses the anonymity to bash the club, I want to tell her, “That’s not how it is—those aren’t the only kind of papas out there.” I think a lot of women decide to join after reading this Q&A box, so if fewer cute girls join, I’ll have less to look forward to—which would be a real problem（笑）. So I do my best to answer, while enjoying it myself.

Answer 5

I’m Nana Ayase ♡ I’m the type who can’t just leave someone who’s struggling. I guess helping people has become too deeply ingrained in me. I’d like to save even a few of those lost little lambs. Now that I’ve become an answerer, I feel I have a responsibility to help, even if only a little. Please just think of me as a meddlesome old lady.

Answer 6

I’m Paper Airplane, a male club member. Giving answers freely, without expecting anything in return, is different from dealing with customers or employees—I don’t have to hesitate or worry about what to say. Instead, it gives me a sense of relaxation, like taking a puff on a cigarette (I’ve never smoked, but I was always a little jealous of people who got cigarette breaks). As I’ve gotten older, I’ve benefited a great deal from my relationships with women, so I feel that if there’s anything I can do naturally and casually—like treating younger members of a school club to a meal—I’d like to do it. Whether it’s at the club, with younger university friends, in a work setting, or in customer service, I think it’s important to be able to consider things from the other person’s perspective without even having to think about it. Oh, I left out family, didn’t I...?

Answer 7

I’m Dai, a male member. I’m in my mid-40s and have been using dating clubs for about two years, so I’m less experienced than the person who asked the question. I applied to become an answerer because responses on this Q&A site have been helpful in my own relationships, and I thought my experiences might be useful to others as well. I believe it’s important to have a diversity of perspectives among the answerers, so I try to share my views freely without worrying too much about what others have said.

Answer 8

I’m Aya, a female member. I often feel bad seeing women here say they’re being treated poorly by their papas, or find myself thinking, “Things might go better if you tried this instead”—not in a calculating way, but because I genuinely want to help. That’s why I started answering questions, even if only in my own small way. This is just my personal opinion, but I feel that papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) has significantly turned my life around. However, when I say that in mainstream society, no one really understands, so perhaps I’m happy to share my thoughts here. As for the going rate for allowances, I also feel the amounts mentioned here are somewhat low, since this site tends to attract many people who are dissatisfied. If you asked women who are thoroughly enjoying papa-katsu, I think you’d hear slightly higher figures. So when it comes to money, I’m not sure it’s wise to rely too heavily on this Q&A site.

Answer 9

I’m a male member who calls himself a loser. ① Because I wanted to raise the going rate for women’s allowance ② Because I want more good women to join Universe by proving firsthand that generous papas who pay 100,000 yen or more as a minimum allowance really do exist ③ Business ① and ② are exactly what they sound like. I’ve been browsing the question box and have always felt that, despite Universe Club being Japan’s largest dating club, the going rate for adult relationship allowances is far too low. If I say that, all the male members will probably see me as an enemy, but I don’t mind a good fight, so I’d welcome it either way—whether it’s an online battle (dissing each other in the question box) or a face-to-face one.♡ Though I do wonder if I’m actually a nuisance to Universe, too. If men realize that the going rate for allowances is high, fewer male members might join. As for ③, whenever I put my thoughts out there, business ideas seem to come pouring in, no matter what the setting is. Simply browsing questions and taking in information won’t earn me a single yen, but I know that when I put my thoughts out there by answering, something always comes of it. Any businessperson—especially an entrepreneur like me—should instantly understand what I mean by ③.

Answer 10

I’m Maezawa from the president’s office, and I’ll answer as well. I’m not sure why, but this site exists thanks to the people who take the time to respond, so I’m grateful.

Answer 11

I’m Flag Maker, a column writer. I’m in my late 30s. I’ve completely forgotten why I applied to become a contributor. I used to write answers that empathized with the questioner, but lately, I’ve found it too much effort to write an empathetic introduction, so now I answer with nothing but passion and momentum. Answering questions exposes me to all kinds of values and helps sharpen my imagination. That, in turn, improves my ability to handle different situations, so I answer for my own benefit. Also, just like Mac, part of the reason I do it is that it helps me organize my thoughts and gain a deeper understanding of myself.

Answer 12

I’m Kazu, a male member. I use this anonymous Q&A box because I feel it’s the least affected by pointless appearances or biases among publicly available places to talk about relationships. I started answering questions because I wanted a reason to check the anonymous Q&A box regularly, to develop my own sound and consistent views through gaining more experience with relationships, to connect with other members—especially people who also answer questions—and because I thought something interesting might come out of being an answerer. Since connecting with other members is one of my reasons, I feel that if I’m going to answer, I shouldn’t do it halfheartedly. I need to answer in a way that conveys what kind of person I am. Besides, the world works on give and take, so if you want to gain something, you should offer something of your own as well. With that in mind, I do my best to answer questions that I consider genuine or that make me feel I have something useful to share, as far as my time and energy allow. Through answering, I’ve had opportunities to meet, talk with, and hang out with other answerers. I’ve also received unsolicited offers from people wondering what Kazu is like, had conversations with various staff members, and even been asked by the club to appear in marketing content. I’ve had a lot of interesting experiences. In short, I’m able to keep answering because interesting things come out of it. It’s true that this connects to how you interact with people. I think it means doing as much as you can for others, then continuing relationships with people who give something back in one way or another.

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