Looking through the Q&A, I get the impression that many people stay in regular contact with their partners. Are there also people who only communicate when necessary?
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I’m currently seeing two women—one for about 10 months and the other for six months—and with both of them, we only message to arrange dates.
(We see each other once or twice a month, so it’s just those logistical messages once or twice a month... I’m the one who initiates every time.)
Since both arrangements have lasted fairly long, I don’t think there’s any problem with keeping the same communication frequency as before. However, I really like both of them, so I sometimes worry that they might forget about me. ^^
I’m Dai, a male member.
I also see my partner about once a month, but unless she messages me on LINE, I don’t contact her except to ask about her availability.
We’re not in that deep of a relationship, so I feel that sending unnecessary messages would probably just bother her.
I came to think this way after having a few women suddenly stop replying…
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I’m Shingo Lee (Shingori), a columnist.
I do consider the other person’s personality to some extent, but basically, I only use texting to stay in touch. In most cases, texting can damage a relationship, but it rarely deepens one.
The exceptions are when I contact her about something she mentioned before, or when I’m looking for an opening to set up the next date.
For example, if she said on our last date, “I like a shochu called Fujisai, but I can’t find the aged kind anywhere,” then messaging her, “I happened to find some and bought it! Let’s have a drink again,” is a great idea because it will almost certainly bring you closer.
On the other hand, messages like “Good morning!” or “I’m at a TV station for work today(^^)/” when there’s nothing in particular to talk about are unnecessary and can actually hurt the relationship.
So, if you want to deepen the relationship, my basic stance is not to rely on texting, but to do it when you meet in person—or over the phone.
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Of course, some people who only communicate when necessary still maintain valued, ongoing arrangements.
Some have continued for over a year, or even around a year and a half.
They all meet about once a month.
Marika
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I’m a male member, Paper Airplane.
With someone I see once or twice a month, most of our communication is just coordinating schedules and discussing related details.
It sounds like the men are the ones contacting you, but that also has the advantages of letting you adjust how often you meet and end things whenever you want.
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I’m Uehara from the staff.
Since you’ve been together for quite a while despite only contacting each other to arrange dates, I’m sure she finds it easy to maintain the relationship with a comfortable amount of distance!
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I’m Tetsu, a male member.
I suppose it depends on the situation, but in most cases, I only communicate as much as necessary. I imagine women also find it annoying to be dragged into pointless back-and-forth when we haven’t even met yet.
Once in a while, a woman will start a conversation because she wants someone to listen, and when that happens, I’m happy to engage.
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I’m Date◎Yume, a male member.
I’d find it a little sad if we only contacted each other to arrange dates, so I keep in touch every day—basically once a day.
Even when we talk every day, we never seem to run out of things to discuss, haha. The women also make sure to reply.
I’m pretty busy myself, and they seem to have their own things going on too, so once or twice a day feels like a good balance that doesn’t inconvenience either of us.
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I’m Aya, a female member.
My papa (a male supporter) sees one other woman besides me once every few months, but it seems their communication is limited to arranging dates. He also appears to keep contact with hostesses and cabaret club girls to a minimum. I was like that at first too—just messages such as, “Would the 〇th work for you?”
But we gradually grew closer and started messaging more often. Now, I’m happy to receive lots of thoughtful messages from him, like “Good night” or “Did that work project you mentioned the other day go well?” We’ve been messaging every day for the past year.
As for my other papa, we message on LINE every day and are practically like friends. Even though I receive an allowance, we’ve become quite close, so ours may be a somewhat unusual arrangement. We both invest in U.S. stocks, and sometimes we excitedly watch the charts together late at night.
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I’m a male member, and honestly, I’m one of the less successful guys.
Other than the two women I’m seeing in fairly serious, almost romantic relationships at their strong request, I hardly ever initiate contact with any of the others.
I figure getting a LINE from their papa would probably just be annoying, and I’m kind of suffering from LINE yips.
That said, perhaps because my allowance starts out higher than the going rate at Universe, the women always message me saying:
“I want to see you ♡” = “Give me money.”
The girls who invite me out for dinner only (no intimacy) are precious to me, so I always make sure to keep them around long-term. But everyone seems to want adult dates. (So sad...)
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
There are women I’m in regular contact with, but there are also some I only message when necessary.
Like you, I meet one woman once or twice a month, and we barely communicate outside of that. By “barely,” I mean I send her a message about once a week or every other week—something she’ll likely find interesting and easy to reply to—so she doesn’t forget about me.
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