After we became intimate on the day of our first meeting, he said he wanted to have me exclusively in exchange for a pay-per-meeting allowance. I politely declined, explaining that the allowance and relationship weren’t secure enough for me to agree to exclusivity. He understood, and things ended amicably.
Three months later, he contacted me saying he couldn’t forget me. He said he’d double the allowance, and that it was fine if I was currently seeing someone else—he really wanted to meet me again.
Can the terms really change this suddenly?
I’m a little scared that, because he’s paying double, he might start telling me what I should or shouldn’t do. We’ve only met once, after all, so I can’t help wondering whether he might suddenly change.
I’d appreciate hearing your thoughts. Have any of you changed the terms this drastically, or had someone change them on you?
I’m Saito, a columnist♪
My allowance changes from time to time, too.
Sometimes I think, “This woman makes a better impression than the others, so why am I paying her the same amount?”
If you gradually increase the allowance with the intention of correcting that, she may become more and more polished and often start treating you with greater care as well.
If you have the means, why not try approaching things with the mindset of helping that man grow?
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I’m だて◎ゆめ, a male member.
I think it’s perfectly fine for the terms to change each time. In fact, I’d say it’s only natural that they do.
It’s because they change that you end up thinking, “Never mind…”
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I’m a male member, and my username is Paper Airplane.
I haven’t changed anything.
For women I meet once or twice a month, or up to three times, we agree on an allowance. But for anyone I see more often than that, I’ve never set an allowance from the start.
Even so, there aren’t any extreme fluctuations like the ones described in the question, and I don’t contact anyone after things have ended.
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I’m columnist Fuu.
I’ve never changed my initial terms.
I don’t know what the original amount was, so it’s hard to say, but the fact that he doubled it does make me a little curious. It feels like he’s desperate to meet you no matter what…
Maybe you really impressed him. Or perhaps the women he met after you weren’t very good. It’s also possible that other women didn’t like him and refused to see him again.
If twice the original allowance is attractive to you, meet him again. If you’re already satisfied with your other papas, you don’t have to. I think it’s best for you to assess the situation and decide for yourself.
If you do meet him, tell the club about anything you don’t like or any sudden change in his behavior, then end things with him.
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I’ve had someone contact me like that once.
After I turned him down, he made offers to several other women, but then came back saying, “I still want you,” and explained why.
However, despite insisting that he absolutely wanted me, the terms didn’t change at all, so I turned him down again.
In your case, though, he’s not just all talk—he’s improved the terms and seems genuinely eager. It might be worth meeting him once and deciding from there.
That said, this only applies if there’s nothing that makes you uncomfortable on a gut level and you don’t feel scared or uneasy about him...
Akari
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I’m Dai, a male member.
I’ve never changed it.
I don’t like being asked to increase the allowance, so I’ve never asked to lower it either.
If you’ve had an adult relationship (intimate) with this man even once, then the pay-per-meeting allowance must have been within an acceptable range for you.
One option would be to decline double the allowance and continue seeing him for a slightly higher allowance than last time, on the condition that he doesn’t become possessive.
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I’m Aya, a female member.
If it were me, I’d probably meet him as long as I wasn’t too busy with work or anything. I’d meet him once and then decide. If things ended amicably, I don’t think there’d be much risk.
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If he starts nitpicking, you can always walk away, can’t you?
If the only issue the first time you met was that your terms didn’t align, I think it’s fine to meet him again. But if there were any other red flags, I’d pass.
That’s just my opinion, though, and it’s not like I’ve met the man myself, so ultimately, please make your own judgment.
Marika
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Maezawa from the President’s Office here.
I think that after meeting other women over the past three months, he realized how low the allowance he initially offered you was.
He also learned that he would need to offer much, much more to have you exclusively. So he probably decided that, even if he couldn’t have you exclusively, he would rather have the kind of relationship typically found through a dating club.
That said, there are certainly some things to be concerned about.
I think you should:
- Receive the allowance as soon as you enter the room.
- If you want him to use a condom, tell him that in advance—at this stage—so it’s one of the terms of the arrangement.
On apps, there seem to be many ways men deceive women. For example, if you plan to receive the money after intimacy, he might reassure you by saying he forgot to withdraw cash and ask you to accompany him to an ATM, then run away through the other exit if it’s a place with two ATM exits—or simply sprint away before reaching the ATM.
Even if he gives you the money upfront, he might steal it from your wallet while you’re in the shower. Apparently, all sorts of things happen, so you do need to be cautious.
There’s also a possibility that he could install a hidden camera. You may need to check for anything suspicious, and if there are bags or other items in plain view, cover them with a towel or move them out of sight.
However, with a dating club, the man’s identification has been verified and kept on record. If something happens and you need to file a police report, it can be difficult to track someone down when you met through an app.
In the case of Universe, if the police make a proper inquiry through the appropriate procedures, we can disclose the man’s address and real name. So it won’t simply end with nothing being done because you don’t know who he is.
After taking reasonable precautions, I think it may be worth meeting him.
That said, ultimately, you have to protect yourself. If you feel uneasy, choosing not to meet him is also a perfectly valid option.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
Since it’s an allowance, I think it can change suddenly. Perhaps that man learned how things really work over those three months.
I’ve never changed the amount because I’d find it embarrassing, but I have had a situation where a woman’s expectations didn’t match what I offered, so we parted ways—then she contacted me a month later, asking for half the allowance she originally wanted.
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