I lost my virginity through a dating club.

I’m Aya, a female member. Where you lose your virginity isn’t really that important, and whether you should have fun before marriage is ultimately up to you. It’s not something you need to compare with other people. That said, I may only have come to see that “everyone’s different” because I’m now well into my mid-twenties and feel more settled. In my case, I had a perfectly ordinary relationship, and I’m still in touch with the boyfriend I had at the time, so it didn’t become a traumatic experience. I suppose I was happy. It’s not exactly a dazzling memory, but it wasn’t painful either, so I’d describe it as feeling… “neutral.” I sometimes wish you could think about it this lightly too. But as long as you’re comparing yourself to others, that may be difficult.

I think I’m the type to fall for people easily, so someone I like seems to come along pretty quickly. Maybe you, on the other hand, just don’t find someone you really like that often? Once I fall for someone, I’ve always thought it was only natural to want to be together all the time and have sex, regardless of any allowance. But I’ve been genuinely surprised to learn from this Q&A site that there are so many girls who don’t feel that way. There’s no guarantee that women who play around a lot will ultimately come out ahead in life. It may simply be that there are more people like that in the community you’re part of. To put it bluntly, it’s a matter of the kind of people you associate with. I don’t think you should pursue relationships with men just because you think you ought to. When a man you truly like comes along, just honestly give him your heart and body. There’s no need to put up unnecessary defenses. Marika

I’m Dai, a male member. What benefits do you actually get from having fun before marriage? It feels rather fleeting—like you’re focused on enjoying the moment instead of thinking about the future. I have no problem with you continuing to play around with more men, but after being with around 30 men, did you really enjoy the experience? I feel like having sex out of desperation could eventually leave you unable to feel anything.

Maezawa from the CEO’s office here. You seem to have a good understanding of yourself, so I think you can change if you really want to. That said, only you can decide whether changing would be better or whether you’re better off as you are. If you can still marry someone wealthy without changing, then it doesn’t seem like there’s necessarily a problem.

It’s not because you lost your virginity through a dating club. It’s because you haven’t learned to appreciate what you have. Some people might think, “You got paid to be with an old man through a dating club?” Others might say, “I’m glad you met such a kind older gentleman.” But none of that really matters. As long as you have a habit of constantly envying others or comparing yourself to them just to feel even a little superior, you’ll remain a woman who is never satisfied. For the record, I can honestly say that I felt, “Ah, I’m happy,” when I lost my virginity. Not because it happened naturally, because it went perfectly, or of course because I later married him—but because I was with someone I truly loved at the time, and we both felt that day was special. What other people do, or what’s considered normal, has absolutely nothing to do with it. I hope you, too, can come to feel happy through your own choices and responsibility, rather than letting other people determine your happiness. Akari

I’m Mack, a male member. First, I can say this with certainty: most women—including the female respondents here—didn’t have particularly good first experiences when they lost their virginity. I’m sorry if you had a happy first experience and moved on positively. But unless you’re still completely in love with the person you first slept with, to some extent you’ve probably wondered whether he was really the right person. After all, he’s someone you eventually broke up with for one reason or another. I’m writing this because I want to dispel the questioner’s assumption that, because she lost her virginity to a man she met through a dating club, she can’t find a decent boyfriend. To all the female respondents, please forgive my bluntness m(_ _)m Whether you can have a normal—or rather, serious relationship with marriage in mind, if that’s what you want—is simply a matter of getting used to it. The same goes for being accustomed to receiving money. First, get used to relationships where you can feel satisfied without receiving an allowance. It’s also a process of rediscovering the value of being with a man—including intimacy—and realizing that being with him was worthwhile for you. I’d like to write more, but the person I’m going on an overnight date with will be here soon, so I’ll stop for now. Anyway, your first partner may not have been honest about being married, which wasn’t great, but you presumably received an allowance, and he waited for you ten times. Try to remember it as a good experience. I’ll say it again: most women don’t have particularly good first experiences. They just keep quiet out of pride. The questioner is actually one of the lucky ones. P.S. An update: I’ve kept the girl I’m going on an overnight date with waiting (汗) When women lose their virginity and then part ways with that man, many of them unconsciously ask themselves, “What did he mean to me?” To avoid denying their own experience, they give the relationship some kind of “meaning.” Maybe he was someone they admired, or kind, or had other good qualities. Eventually, it gets sorted away as a bittersweet memory. With papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), the presence of money makes that process more difficult. Think back. Your first partner must have had some good qualities, and there were probably things you learned from him too, right? I don’t think the questioner’s first experience was some dirty, money-tainted thing. If anyone insults someone else’s irreplaceable experience like that, I won’t stay silent. The money was simply what brought the two of you together. Besides, the questioner started out as an A-type and still chose to be intimate with him. That means it was genuine love. Your heart is still pure, so don’t worry. Have confidence. Now, I should probably go see the girl I’ve been keeping waiting. This girl also lost her virginity at Universal Studios—not with me, though. It’s actually pretty common lately. Seriously. P.S. 2 When you ask whether you should “play around with more guys,” you’re probably thinking that having lots of sex without money changing hands would dilute the papa-katsu aspect, right? That will only make you feel even emptier. Instead, as I already said, find your own “meaning” in your relationships with men. You could call it having a personal policy. For example, you might decide that, whether it’s papa-katsu or not, you’ll only be intimate with men you respect. It could be about their appearance or age, too. But then you might not be able to be with men in papa-katsu（笑） “Chemistry” is another safe choice, but it may not really click for you.

I’m Nana Ayase ♡ Huh? Why don’t you just quit papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) already? A matching app? A club? Do you really trust those? Don’t you think people exaggerate things? That promiscuous women are somehow being treated like important people? Doesn’t that seem strange to you? I don’t think girls who get to marry good men are the ones who sleep around all the time. You can see it on their faces, after all. A good wife has a calm, composed look. When a man comes home, she has a delicious meal waiting for him. If you had to choose between a girl you’re physically compatible with and one who’s a great cook, you’d choose the girl whose home cooking tastes good—even if the physical chemistry isn’t perfect. Besides, you’ve already been with dozens of people, haven’t you? You must understand that by now.

I’m in Seattle. Whether you’re a virgin, single, or married doesn’t matter at all. From here on, you should simply do what you want. If you want to get married, look for someone you genuinely click with, even if there’s no allowance involved. If marriage doesn’t interest you, find a more generous (well-paying) papa (a male supporter) and save some money. As for playing around with guys, either is fine. It’s just for fun, after all. If you enjoy hobbies that have nothing to do with men more, spend your time on those instead. Time is precious and limited. Even if you’re single, this is a great time in life to enjoy yourself for years to come.