What’s with men who try to please women even when they haven’t been asked to?
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I’d be perfectly happy as long as I get my allowance, but some men actually bring things like adult toys and try to make me feel good. It honestly makes me uncomfortable. Is there some benefit for the man in pleasing the woman (when it doesn’t feel good at all and is actually nothing but unpleasant)?
It’s physically demanding, so unless they increase the allowance, it’s nothing but painful for me.
Try putting it that clearly and negotiate: ask whether he can stop using the toys and still give you the same allowance, or continue using them in exchange for a higher allowance.
That man wants to be with a woman who can enjoy and get pleasure from those things together with him. If you’re direct, it might lead to the two of you parting ways, so think carefully about whether you’re okay with that—or whether you’re willing to put up with it as a transactional relationship.
Personally, I wouldn’t want to be with a boring woman like you, but everyone has different preferences when it comes to sex. If you have requests or things you want, I think you should tell him.
Marika
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I’m column writer Fuu.
To be honest, under the questioner’s terms, there probably isn’t any benefit for the man.
If you don’t want him to use toys, say so clearly from the start. If you’re okay with it, tell him how much extra allowance you want. Otherwise, you’ll end up being expected to use toys every time. What I really want to ask is: if you don’t like it, why don’t you say no and still let him do it?
It’s entirely up to you if you only want the money, but from the man’s perspective, if the relationship—including intimacy—doesn’t feel worth the allowance or satisfying, he won’t continue seeing you.
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I’m Dai, a male member.
I think the man you’re seeing is also watching your reactions.
If he feels you’re not responding much, it’s understandable that he might think about using a toy.
Honestly, if the woman I was seeing were like you, I don’t think I’d want to continue…
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Maezawa from the CEO’s Office here, answering as well.
> “I only care about getting paid.”
I see… In that case, it might help to look at things from a slightly different perspective.
Until now, you may have thought that you could get paid as long as you agreed to intimacy. That was partly right, but also partly wrong.
What if you thought of it this way instead: women can get paid when they enjoy themselves, too?
There are probably women who receive money without penetration, but perhaps that simply wasn’t something you had considered before.
After all, there are also women who get paid for dinner dates only. Everyone’s situation is different.
If you wrote this because you found the situation puzzling or frustrating, then perhaps your assumptions were slightly off.
Why not take this opportunity to rethink and analyze things from a different angle?
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I’m Flag Maker, a column writer.
Don’t you ever try to become a woman who’s worth the allowance without relying on toys?
I ask because sometimes I find myself thinking, “This allowance really isn’t worth it for me… Fine! I’ll bring an adult toy!”
I’m okay with being disliked as a result.
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I’m Nana Ayase ♡
You’re receiving an allowance for an adult relationship, right?
Do you really feel it and respond during intimacy?
I always thought bringing toys into the mix was pretty normal, but maybe not?
It’s not that the toys leave you unable to sleep in your own bed… right?
If you feel a lot, it’ll improve your skin and make you more beautiful too. Would that still be a no?~
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I’m Date◎Yume, a male member.
It’s because I want women to enjoy themselves…
If you’re not enjoying it, you should say so.
Also, you shouldn’t force yourself to continue seeing someone.
Make sure it’s an enjoyable relationship.
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I’m Taro, a male member.
There are three possibilities.
The first is that he wants an intimate experience as a genuine connection between two people. Since he’s not very sensitive, he’s trying to make things work with the help of toys. Another way of looking at it is that he hasn’t realized how you really feel. It’s rather sad that he’s trying so hard, but from your perspective, I imagine it’s nothing but annoying.
The second is that he knows how you really feel and deliberately uses toys to stimulate you intensely, enjoying the feeling of control. Even men who wouldn’t use toys with someone they genuinely like may try them in situations like this. Even if you react, he’s only enjoying the sense of control and doesn’t feel affection for you, so there probably isn’t any awkward clinginess afterward. In that sense, there may be a point of balance.
The third is simply that he wants to use toys and stimulate you right up to your limit. In a way, this is the simplest case: you’re just trying to find the right balance between the activities and the price.
In any case, if you’re reacting so strongly that you find it physically burdensome, I’d say the man is probably satisfied.
However, if you’re asking for a higher allowance, I feel it would be difficult to negotiate successfully unless this is case two or three and your reactions have exceeded what he initially expected.
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I’m Kamihikoki, a male member.
Because papa-katsu is all about making women happy.
Calling it “papa penance”…
If it isn’t enjoyable, then I guess neither side is having a good time… It’s an ordeal for both of you.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
Sex isn’t enjoyable for me if the woman isn’t enjoying herself. Sex without any reaction from the woman is no different from thrusting into an inflatable doll and moving your hips. If I’m having sex with a real person, I want to see a response.
When I used escort services, I stayed completely passive out of consideration for the physical strain on the women. That’s because the women working there had the technique to bring me to orgasm even when I remained passive. Unlike an inflatable doll, they moved on their own and knew how to get me excited.
I have no interest in paying a setup fee or allowance for an inflatable doll. I think other men feel the same way.
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