Nice to meet you. This is my first time asking a question here.
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The other day, I had dinner for the third time, including our first meeting, with a man I met through another club. I had planned to go as far as an adult relationship (intimate) that day, but unfortunately, my period started, so in the end, we couldn't have an adult relationship.
I really enjoyed dining with this man, and he had given me an allowance of 30,000 yen just for dinner, so I was hoping we could continue seeing each other for a long time. However, after our third dinner, he messaged me on LINE saying, “I feel like we want different levels of closeness, so let’s end things today.”
Does this mean he thought I was just a dinner-only girl (no intimacy) who had no intention of having an adult relationship?
I couldn’t bring myself to honestly tell him I was on my period, and I wonder if the fact that we ended things vaguely was the reason.
He wasn’t the pushy type and was rather quiet, so I took advantage of that a little.
I accepted that it couldn’t be helped, thanked him for everything, and said goodbye. But I still want to continue our relationship. Would it be a nuisance if I contacted him to say that I’d like to see him again after all, and that next time I’m willing to have an adult relationship?
It hasn’t been long since we said goodbye.
What kind of message would make a man think, “Maybe I’ll see her again”? I’d really appreciate your advice.
I’m Flag Maker, a column writer.
How about getting intimate once first, then thinking it over?
But here’s the thing: the longer you’ve played hard to get, the higher the bar has been set. If you don’t understand that, you’ll just get rejected again.
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I’m columnist writer Fuu.
Yes, just as the questioner suspects, he probably thinks you’re a dinner-only girl (no intimacy). Before your third meeting, once you realized your period had started, you should have suggested another specific date for the date.
If you want to reach out and make up for it, the sooner the better. I hope he hasn’t blocked you.
A papa (a male supporter) with good terms is highly sought-after, so if you don’t decide quickly, someone else will snap him up.
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I’m Taro, a male member.
Sorry to keep you waiting. Your tipsy guy-pretending-to-be-a-girl has come up with a draft.
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I’m sorry for messaging you again after we said goodbye.
Actually, I happened to get my period on the day we met last time, but I couldn’t bring myself to tell you, so we ended things without really talking it through.
You’re such a kind person, ●●, and I may have taken advantage of that, which could have led to a misunderstanding.
I really enjoyed having dinner with you, ●●, and I was hoping we could continue seeing each other for a long time.
You said we should part ways because we had different levels of closeness, but if that was the result of a misunderstanding, I would feel very sorry.
Since I felt responsible for causing the misunderstanding, I decided to say goodbye without explaining anything. But I still wanted to see you again, so I thought I should tell you what happened.
I’m sorry if I’ve completely misunderstood the situation. But if there’s any possibility at all, I’d be happy to hear back from you.
From your Taroko♡
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・Be honest about what you think may have caused the misunderstanding
・Clearly express your feelings
・Address him as “●●” once or twice (not too many times, but not too few either)
・It may be a little too long for a LINE message, so it probably needs trimming
・The final line is just a joke, so don’t actually use it
I hope this helps（from your guy-pretending-to-be-a-girl）.
P.S. I think you should send it. You have nothing to lose.
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I’ll answer as Maezawa from the President’s Office.
> Do you think he assumed I was only interested in dinner because I wasn’t willing to have an adult relationship?
I think so.
Usually, things progress to an adult relationship on the second meeting, so he probably held out until the third meeting.
Weren’t you invited to take things further during the second dinner? That’s the part I find puzzling.
And if the third meeting was dinner only as well, he probably now sees you as someone who’s only interested in dinner. There’s also a chance he thinks you misrepresented your relationship type.
However, if that’s the reason, you may still have a chance if you explain that isn’t the case. That said, once he formed that impression, he may have completely lost interest in you. So even if he learns that you’re actually open to an adult relationship, it may no longer make a difference.
Still, since you have nothing to lose, why not explain honestly that you were on your period and say something like:
“I’m fine with going straight to a hotel next time, without dinner.”
Even if it doesn’t work out, you’ll be no worse off. If you can clear up the misunderstanding, I feel there may still be a chance for an arrangement.
Although, now that I look at it, are you talking about a different dating club?
Whether this works out or not, I feel that if you also register with Universe, you’ll start receiving offers from various men.
(Though perhaps you’re already registered with Universe as well.)
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I’m Nana Ayase ♡
Come on, everyone—try looking at it from the other person’s perspective for once.
No matter how you look at it, it seemed like you were only interested in dinner-only (no intimacy). And if they turned you down after meeting three times, it’s already over.
Let it go instead of saying things that make you look so hung up on them.
Why didn’t you tell them you got your period?
Though, to be fair, they might not have believed you even if you had.
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I’m Paper Airplane, a male member.
Even though men tend to hold on to the past,
a man wouldn’t say, “Let’s end things,” unless he’d made a pretty serious decision. So honestly, it’s already beyond saving—especially after meeting three times.
Besides, I think he was only swayed by the number 3, and didn’t actually feel satisfied.
I doubt he has any intention of having an adult relationship anymore.
The more messages he sends, the more you’ll probably just feel that ending things was the right choice…
No matter what you send, he’ll only find it annoying later and think, “What the hell is this person talking about now?”
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
It seems he probably assumed you were only interested in dinner. Since he has already ended things, it may be difficult to repair the relationship, but why not tell him that you had intended to take things to an adult relationship (intimate), but unfortunately you were on your period? I don’t think that, in itself, would be a nuisance.
You should also mention that you enjoyed the meals together and had hoped to continue seeing him for a long time.
That said, ideally, you should have told him when he ended things. Contacting him after some time has passed could make him suspect that you simply wanted the allowance and are trying to come back to him.
In any case, timing is important in relationships between men and women. Missing the timing twice may mean that the two of you just weren’t meant to be.
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If he invited you out, but you didn’t tell him you were on your period and just parted ways without really clearing things up, he probably assumed you were dinner-only.
You should have told him honestly that you were on your period and suggested making plans that day for after it was over.
For now, try being honest with him. If he doesn’t respond, you may have no choice but to let it go.
If things can’t be repaired with him, take it as a lesson for next time.
Marika
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