I feel like my papa has been distancing himself lately.
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We used to have fun chatting over meals, but recently he spends more time looking at his phone, talks more about other girls he’s offered arrangements to, and seems to smile and talk less. Even when we’re arranging our schedules, I can really feel that he wants to reduce how often we meet, and it makes me very sad. In this situation, should I be considerate and send fewer messages saying I’d like to see my papa, or is it okay to keep messaging him as I have been? Thank you.
I’m columnist Fuu.
It’s painful when you feel like you’re being pushed aside—especially when you really like the other person.
I can’t say for sure without knowing the vibe between you two, but you could either keep contacting them as often as before or match their pace and reduce the frequency. If you do reduce it, contacting them even less often than they contact you might make them wonder, “Huh?” That could be worth trying.
I usually end things pretty cleanly. However, this may not be the best approach in a dating club, but there was one person I really liked. When they said they wanted to end things, I poured my heart into telling them over our final dinner that I wanted to continue. We’re still seeing each other.
Of course, being pushy isn’t good. But if you truly want to continue, expressing your feelings sincerely may work, depending on the timing and circumstances.
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I’m Maezawa from the President’s Office, and I’ll answer this too.
> In this case, should I be considerate and reduce how often I message him saying I want to see my papa, or is it okay to keep messaging him as usual?
Why reduce them when he hasn’t said anything to you?
I think it would be better to continue as you have been.
If your messages start becoming less frequent, he may assume that your feelings are cooling off too. He might then think that breaking things off would be better for both of you.
If you keep messaging him as usual, even if his feelings have cooled a little, you’re still a woman he likes. So rather than deciding to cut things off, he may think:
“She keeps inviting me, so I might as well see her.”
Eventually, things may end with the new woman, and when that happens, your good qualities may come back into focus for him.
As long as you still want to see him, I think it’s best to continue at your own pace.
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I’m Dai, a male member.
A lot of men get most excited before they start dating someone, but lose interest once the relationship begins.
It sounds like things with you may be going through a bit of a rut, and he might even be caught up in finding someone new.
For example, if he’s always the one taking the lead in your adult relationship (intimate), why not try taking the initiative yourself for a change?
Trying something different from your usual routine could add some excitement and give you more to talk about.
By the way, conversations about women I’ve offered to meet are interesting, and I talk about them often too.
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I’m Date◎Yume, a male member.
This can happen in ordinary relationships too—both men and women can lose interest. And with papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), money is involved, so I think it’s even more likely.
You could meet less often, reduce the allowance, or end the relationship.
In the end, I think you should handle it in whatever way you can feel comfortable with.
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I’m Meg, a female member.
You must really like your papa.
But even though he treats you that way, you still keep seeing him…
I don’t think you should waste your time on someone who doesn’t value you.
Wake up.
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I’m Aya, a female member.
I understand that you’re feeling anxious, but depending on a man won’t do you any good. Let’s move on to the next one with the attitude that we’re the ones turning him down. I think the more you cling to a man, the more he’ll lose interest.
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I’m Taro, a male member.
I find it strange that a man would keep seeing someone who acts that way. If feelings had simply cooled in a normal romantic relationship, I could understand it, but continuing to give her an allowance despite that attitude seems like a waste of money and time. The only possibility I can think of is that their physical chemistry is fairly good—but if that were all, it wouldn’t be much different from a commercial service. Since he wants a relationship where they can enjoy talking too, maybe he’s thinking of keeping her around but seeing her less often.
I don’t know whether the questioner wants to meet him for the money or because she likes him, but I don’t think there’s any need to hold back.
If it’s for the money, just send a straightforward, businesslike message. Even if he doesn’t respond, he may still appreciate the effort.
If you like him, send him messages that make your feelings clear. Since dating clubs are relationships influenced by money, I feel it’s better to be direct in situations like this.
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I’m Tetsu, a male member.
Stop trying to be a nice person. Be selfish.
This doesn’t apply only to you—it’s true for many male and female members.
What made you sign up with the club in the first place? When talking to other people, we tend to sugarcoat things to some extent. I doubt many people openly discussed their deepest feelings during their club interview. That’s how difficult it is to talk honestly about what you really think.
But once you’re able to acknowledge those deeper feelings, the answer becomes very simple. If what you truly want is to meet more often, tell your papa (a male supporter) that. The answer will naturally become clear. If he responds to those feelings, you can continue seeing him. If he doesn’t understand how you feel, you can simply fade out of the relationship.
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I’m Paper Airplane, a male member.
Unfortunately, it sounds like the man you’re seeing may feel that he’s reached the point where he doesn’t need to meet you anymore.
> Should I reduce how often I message him on LINE, or is it okay to keep messaging him as usual?
You should reduce it. If you also cut back slightly on how often you meet, you may still be able to continue the relationship.
If you keep doing things as usual, he may start thinking about ending it.
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