Today, my papa (a male supporter) clearly told me, “I really love my wife and don’t want her to find out, so the most I can give you is ¥◯.”
I never expected him to be that transactional, so I said, “If you want something that transactional, you should go to an adult entertainment venue. A man with neither money nor consideration has no right to be my papa. I don’t need a papa who won’t help me when I’m really struggling.”
Then I blocked him.
Was my attitude wrong?
If it was, I’d like to change how I approach future relationships, so I’d appreciate hearing everyone’s opinions.
I’m Tetsu, a male member.
Whether blocking him was the best way to handle it is another matter, but I do think ending the relationship was the right decision.
As far as you’re concerned, his wife has nothing to do with you. Since support is important to you, if he’s not meeting your needs in that regard, you should move on sooner rather than later.
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Maezawa from the CEO’s office here.
> Because I truly love my wife and don’t want her to find out.
I’m not sure he needed to bring his wife into it. He sounds like a man who makes no sense.
> That’s what I told him.
You probably said that because you were angry, but I think it would have been better to say nothing, simply block him, and move on.
The moment a man gets criticized, he may start thinking, “I’m glad I broke things off with a woman like that,” so it’s a shame to give him that satisfaction.
If you end things by suddenly blocking him, he might instead think:
“Maybe I should have offered more.”
“She was a good woman. What a shame.”
Making him think that would probably have been the better psychological attack.
> Was my stance wrong?
I think he was the one behaving strangely. Your stance seems perfectly reasonable.
All you really need to do is avoid complaining to him at the end.
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When you’re truly in need—
→ Does that mean this happened because you asked him, “I’m struggling, so could you give me something in addition to my allowance?” or “Could you increase my allowance?”
If he doesn’t meet your expectations, I think it’s fine to end things.
But saying, “You’re not qualified to be my papa (a male supporter)”… well…
If you’re that confident, you should be able to find another generous (well-paying) papa.
That said, I do think you’ll need to stay humble…
—Akari
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I’m Paper Airplane, a male member.
I think it’s good that you were both able to part ways cleanly.
Since it’s a matter between a man and a woman, neither of you can really know the other person’s true intentions, but I think ending things without lingering feelings is for the best.
Either line could work as a breakup line.
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I’m Taro, a male member.
So, this is a story about a woman who wanted money blocking a man after he flat-out said he couldn’t pay what she was asking for.
The reason is bizarre enough to grab your attention, but I think the outcome would’ve been the same even if the reason had been “because I want to prevent global warming” or “because I want Hakuhō to keep doing his best as a yokozuna next tournament.”
In reality, we don’t even know whether the man actually said that. Once she realized he wasn’t going to pay, she probably stopped taking in anything he said after that. Anyway, who cares about the ramblings of a stingy client?
So the reason isn’t the point. This is simply a case of negotiations falling through and her blocking him—nothing wrong with that at all. If anything, it’s good that things were settled without either of them wasting more time. Hopefully she finds a generous (well-paying) supporter next time. *cue sarcasm*
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I’m Aya, a female member.
Bringing up his wife was completely unnecessary. I was like, “Huh???” If that’s how he feels, then he shouldn’t be in a dating club in the first place. That man disrespects both his wife and you. He’s not just failing as a papa (a male supporter)—he’s questionable as a man, too. Blocking him was absolutely the right call. You did well.
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I’m Date◎Yume, a male member.
I think there’s no single right way to do papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), but it seems the approach naturally depends on how much money someone has available for the relationship. I think this papa simply wasn’t able to prepare the amount of money you were expecting.
It also depends on how much you needed in the first place. If it was an especially large amount, though, I might have some questions.
There are also very wealthy men in these dating clubs, so I hope you meet someone like that who recognizes your worth（笑）
If there’s one thing you could reflect on, it would be this:
> If you want such a transactional relationship, you should go into sex work. A man with neither money nor consideration has no right to be my papa.
If something like this happens again, I think it would be better to think over those words a little more carefully before saying them（笑）
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
Regardless of why the man brought it up, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with saying goodbye when negotiations break down.
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I’m Fuu, a column writer.
Female members also have the option to turn someone down, so if you want to block him, feel free to do so. Honestly, what a strange papa, right? “I’ll give you ¥○○ because I don’t want anyone to find out.” He could at least leave out the unnecessary explanation and just say, “¥○○.”
Everyone has their own approach to dating, so I think it’s perfectly fine for you to use money and thoughtfulness as your criteria. However, whether someone will help you when you’re in trouble depends on that person’s way of thinking—and on what kind of help you need. Some papas may help, while others may not. I think it’s best for your sake to stay calm about that and not hold out overly idealistic expectations.
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