I’ve never really felt pleasure from kissing—not just with papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), but with my boyfriend as well.
I like kissing because it makes me feel loved, but I honestly don’t understand what’s supposed to feel good about it.
When it comes to deep kissing, I’m practically just lying there like a dead fish. I have no idea what I’m supposed to do. Even after reading articles online, I’m still completely clueless.
But apparently, a lot of papa (male supporters) like it, so I’d appreciate any advice.
I’m Tetsu, a male member.
As someone who loves kissing, this is a bit hard for me to hear.
I think it’s also possible that some people simply don’t find kissing pleasurable. Everyone experiences it differently. If it doesn’t feel good, there’s no need to force yourself to do it.
Some people like French kissing, some like having their tongue sucked—or sucking their partner’s tongue—and others like having the underside of their tongue or the gums behind their teeth kissed. There are really all kinds of preferences. Apparently, some people even enjoy the feeling of having their mouth taken over.
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I’m Fuu, a column writer.
Personally, I find deep kissing exciting when I hold my partner’s head close during penetration.
Deep kissing itself isn’t necessarily incredibly pleasurable. If you don’t dislike it, I think it’s fine to let your partner take the lead.
In papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), I don’t deep-kiss if the other person seems uncomfortable.
One of my favorite partners, who I’ve already parted ways with, wouldn’t pull away even when I tried to break the kiss. I remember feeling excited, thinking, “Wow, this girl really accepts me.”
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With deep kissing, it’s not that your mouth itself is an erogenous zone and feels good on its own.
If you don’t dislike it but aren’t sure what to do, I think it’s fine to simply keep your mouth slightly open and accept your partner’s tongue without resisting.
As for what feels good, it’s more like your brain responds to the kiss—or perhaps you just start getting aroused from kissing alone.
Of course, it depends on the person.
I hope you find someone like that!
Marika
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I’m a male member, and my username is Paper Airplane.
I don’t think women who don’t like kissing have to kiss.
Especially at the beginning of an intimate encounter, I don’t think kissing is necessary at all.
When a woman doesn’t kiss, you can easily tell whether she’s really starting to feel good by whether she continues to avoid kissing or starts making it deeper with her tongue. In that sense, it’s not necessarily a bad thing, since it’s more reliable than trying to confirm her feelings by kissing her under the arms.
So, in your case, I don’t think you need to understand or experience the pleasure of deep kissing.
When sex itself starts to feel good, you may find yourself unconsciously—or naturally—doing all sorts of things that you couldn’t bring yourself to do when you were thinking clearly.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
I don’t really understand the appeal of physical pleasure either. I sometimes feel like kissing during foreplay or aftercare, but that’s about it. If I’m going to kiss or suck on someone, I prefer the nape of the neck.
As Mac suggests, I feel like it may simply be a matter of personal preferences shaped by formative experiences.
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Maezawa from the president’s office here with an answer as well.
> I like it because it makes me feel loved.
I think that’s probably true for most people, isn’t it?
Being gently patted on the head or hugged—
it feels like it’s something along those lines.
That said, I’ve heard that being with someone who’s good at kissing feels really good, so basically, it doesn’t seem to have much to do with what you do yourself. It mostly depends on whether your partner is good at it or not.
So, regarding:
> I don’t know what I’m supposed to do or how.
For now, I think you’re probably fine just as you are.
Women often say whether a man is good or bad at kissing, but you don’t hear men talking very often about a woman being bad at kissing.
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