・Mostly A with some B
・Mostly B with some A
I’m a male member who mainly focuses on women in these categories. I’ve gotten close to several women who were prepared for an adult relationship—those who were “mostly A with some B” or “mostly B with some A”—and things eventually progressed to an adult relationship. But now, I’ve gotten close to a straight-up A woman. We’ve gone on dinner dates and drives around ten times, and just the other day, I hugged and kissed her while looking at the city lights.
The awkwardness of the kiss felt fresh and made me incredibly happy. She accepted it so naturally that I found myself wondering whether she might be halfway in love with me—or maybe I’m just imagining things. Either way, I’m having a wonderful time. She always invites me on our dates, too.
What I’m really struggling with now is what comes next. She’s a virgin, and I’m married with children. I told her that from the very beginning.
I’m hesitating over whether I should take things further with a woman who is genuinely A.
She’s someone I’ve cherished deeply, and I never considered an adult relationship with her at all. Simply being able to experience the fresh feelings of being a student again was enough for me. When we first met, I firmly promised her that an adult relationship was absolutely off the table and that I would never ask for one, and that’s how we started seeing each other.
But as we parted after the kiss, she said, “Next time, I’d be comfortable meeting in a private room. I trust you.” For our first room date, I intend to stop at kissing no matter what happens. However, it’s obvious that she has nearly made up her mind about an adult relationship, and there’s a strong possibility that by the following room date, we’ll have an adult relationship—in other words, she may have her first adult experience.
She truly is a wonderful woman, and I’ve always treated her with great care. But I’m married with children. There’s no way someone as wonderful as her should have her first adult experience because of someone like me, and I’m agonizing over what to do about future room dates.
I’m a man, too, so even if I can hold back during the first room date, it’s obvious that on the second one or later, I’ll make up my mind and take things further.
I can’t take back the fact that I kissed her, and I have absolutely no regrets because it was the happiest moment. But I love her deeply, so I’m seriously wondering how I can gently turn down an adult relationship. There’s no good future waiting for her in a relationship with me, since I’m married with children.
I’d appreciate any good advice.
If I could break things off, I would. But honestly, I love her—so much that I want to cherish her. I hope she finds a wonderful boyfriend, and I even find myself wishing she’d be the one to reject me by saying, “I’ve met someone I truly love, so we should break up.” I’d definitely be devastated and cry, though.
I’m BB7, a male member.
When a man and woman hit it off and the mood feels right, there’s only one thing left to do.
Whether it’s A or anything else, it doesn’t matter.
“An in-room date is fine too. I trust you.”
This girl is quite the tease too.
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I’m Flag Maker, a column writer.
From my experience, I believe the only right answer is to go along with how the woman is feeling in that moment—even if it means breaking rules that were agreed on in the past. The rules women set can change from one moment to the next, after all.
I don’t mean that in a bad way, but from a typically male perspective, women are more or less full of contradictions（笑).
Even if it’s something you don’t particularly want, you put the other person first, accept all their contradictions—including their internal conflicts—and face them head-on. That’s how you become a mature man.
Besides, you knew she was a virgin when you kissed her, didn’t you? If you’ve had a taste, you should see it through to the end.
I have plenty of things I struggle with too. I have a friend I turn to for advice in those situations, and I think he’d say something like this:
“You knew I was married, right? And she’s saying she’s okay with it anyway, so why not just go ahead as usual? What are you so worried about?”
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I’ll answer this as Maezawa from the president’s office.
> “Next time, I’d be okay with a room date too. I trust you,” she said as we kissed goodbye.
> ...It’s obvious that she has pretty much made up her mind about becoming intimate, and there’s a strong chance that by the time you meet again after next time, you’ll be in an adult relationship—in other words, she may lose her virginity.
First of all, she’s saying “I trust you” because you initially:
> “Firmly promised that an adult relationship was absolutely off the table and that you wouldn’t make a move.”
So there’s also a possibility that penetration is still completely off-limits.
In other words, she may be thinking that she wants her first experience to be with someone else, but because you seem like a good person—and because she appears to be becoming interested in you physically—she may be willing to go along with things other than her first experience.
> I’m a man too, so even if I can hold back during our first room date, it’s obvious that on the second one or later, I’ll be prepared to move things forward.
“Obvious,” huh… What happened to your firm promise that an adult relationship was absolutely off the table and that you wouldn’t make a move?
Do you think lying is acceptable just because you’re a man?
Of course, people might say that the woman who trusted such a liar was foolish—but please don’t betray someone who trusted you. Being a man is no excuse.
If she says she wants to, then I think you should respond to that.
But please don’t act on the assumption that she must be okay with it just because you decided she was.
If you’re going to attack her simply because you’re a man, then you shouldn’t have made that strange promise in the first place.
You might as well have told her from the start, “I can’t control my sex drive, so I’m the type who’ll end up attacking you.”
> I’m seriously worried about how to turn her down gracefully when it comes to becoming intimate.
“Turn her down”…? A moment ago, you were saying it couldn’t be helped because you’re a man. How carried away are you?
If she asks for it, refusing would be rude. In that case, I think you should respond—but if she hasn’t said anything of the sort, stop making assumptions.
If you want to maintain an appropriate distance, you could give her a bag worth around one million yen as a graduation gift, or give her an allowance about ten times larger than usual.
That would remind her that this is a financial arrangement, and it seems less likely that things would become difficult to end in the future.
If you can maintain the right distance, I feel you may be able to continue having a good relationship.
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I’m in Seattle.
After she’s gone that far, it would be rude not to do anything.
Create a memorable setting, prepare an allowance you feel is fair, and treat her well. Being with someone who’s inexperienced makes me nervous too, so I’ll take ED medication beforehand if necessary.
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I’m Fuu, a columnist.
That’s impressive. As someone who only offers C or D, I’m amazed that you’re willing to spend so much time and go on so many dates. Men like that really do exist, huh? You’ve got determination.
There probably aren’t many offers for A at the club, so please keep sending her plenty of offers.
As for your question, if she’s saying she wants it, I think you should do it as a man. It would be a shame to embarrass her by refusing.
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If you read it as a story about a male college student dating a middle school girl, I guess it’s somewhat bearable.
Except for the part about him having a wife and kids.
Marika
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I’m Taro, a longtime member who’s just going through the motions.
You’re overthinking it. If she says she’s okay with it, then it’s okay.
Rather than worrying about whether to do it or not, you should focus on making it a good time and putting your best foot forward.
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