I can’t separate romance from papa-katsu. I’m currently seeing four papas. They treat me very well and support me financially, which helps me a lot. But I’m also a college student who wants to experience romance, so lately I’ve been going on dates with younger men quite often. It’s a different kind of fun from papa-katsu, and I genuinely feel fulfilled. But I can’t help thinking that I’m a dirty person for being intimate with men who are one or two generations older than me. Most ordinary college girls date guys their own age, go to cafés, and visit the beach—they’re living such sparkling lives. I have more money than the average college student, but I’m doing things I can’t tell anyone about. I feel sad, wondering what I’m doing, acting like a mistress to men old enough to be my father. Most college girls worry that their fathers are gross or smell like old age, after all.
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There’s a guy around my age whom I’m interested in. Of course, I’ll keep my papa-katsu completely secret, but I feel guilty wondering whether it would be unfair to date him while I’m being intimate with older men. It’s basically the same as cheating. With papa-katsu, since it’s just a financial relationship, I can say, “You’re the only one,” while seeing someone else without feeling guilty at all. But when it comes to romance, I just can’t think of it that way. I can’t quit because I wouldn’t be able to support myself without papa-katsu.
How do you draw the line and come to terms with it?
I’m Aya, a female member.
There have been a lot of harsh opinions, but I can understand how you feel—at least a little, lol.
I think it’s totally fine to date someone your own age. You just have to keep the two things separate. Men in their twenties aren’t smart enough to notice their girlfriend’s borderline cheating or papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), and even if they start to suspect something, they’ll only believe what they’re able to accept. They probably wouldn’t even imagine that you’re making a living through papa-katsu.
So there’s no problem with getting a boyfriend your own age. If he finds out, I think you can just move on to another guy.
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I’m Flag Maker, a column writer.
When I was younger, women with that kind of darkness—some secret they couldn’t tell anyone—were exactly the ones who lit a fire in me. I’d get all fired up thinking, “I’m going to make her happy, no matter what!”
So no, I wouldn’t think of it as dirty. Any man who looks down on something a woman does because she needs to do it isn’t much of a man to begin with. If you love her, you accept all of her!
Maybe there’s something wrong with me, but I’m really into that kind of thing.
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I’m in Seattle.
It’s fine to maintain the status quo for now.
Recognize how fortunate your position is, and be a little more savvy about it.
Just save 100 million yen. Worry about what comes next after that.
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I’m Maezawa from the president’s office, and I’ll answer this one too.
Is this supposed to be a smear campaign?
Still, something feels off when I read the wording…
It becomes simple if you replace:
“I’m currently dating four papas.”
with:
“I’m currently dating four men.”
It’s not that the papas are dirty.
It’s that dating four men at the same time while trying to start dating yet another man makes you feel dirty yourself.
It’s as simple as that.
In general, women who date two or more men at once are viewed as “dirty,” so by applying that common standard,
the questioner would be considered a dirty woman.
This has nothing to do with papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan).
Legally, if you’re married, having a relationship with someone other than your spouse is considered infidelity. But outside of marriage, there’s nothing wrong with dating multiple men.
Thinking about it that way, dating five men doesn’t make you dirty.
And even if four of those men are considerably older, I don’t think there’s any particular problem with that. Even if those four men express their affection through money, I don’t think you need to be pessimistic about it.
Whether you want to live within society’s conventional standards or follow the path you feel is right for you—that’s entirely up to you.
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If you think it’s dirty, then just quit.
Yet you’re seeing four people? Pretty impressive—you’ve clearly managed to keep things transactional.
Back in college, nobody had much money, but we still had fun. It wasn’t unusual for one girl’s boyfriend to become another girl’s boyfriend next.
But you’re just under the illusion that having money—or not having it—already puts you above others.
It’s sad and bothersome for those university students to be pursued by someone playing the half-hearted tragic heroine.
You should stop.
—Akari
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I’m Meg, a female member.
I’m an actress.
I’m an actress.
I’m an actress.
If I keep telling myself this, doesn’t it help me get into the mindset that it’s okay to make money?
Though, I guess that depends on how long my acting career lasts.
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Thinking you can have it all is asking for too much.
If you’re really struggling financially, you should be able to put your feelings aside and do whatever it takes. That’s no time to be talking about romance.
If you want to enjoy dates with your boyfriend, then just quit papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan).
Figure out your priorities—think about what really matters to you and act accordingly.
You make it sound like you’re deeply troubled, but in reality, it’s a shallow and trivial issue.
Marika
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
It’s okay. Everyone is flawed.
That edgy, adolescent way of thinking just means you’re young and still clinging to an illusion.
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I’m Date◎Yume, a male member.
First of all, I don’t think it’s possible to look at things in a completely detached, transactional way.
You could ask yourself whether to quit papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan). If you need both aspects, though, I think it’s better to accept only the parts you actually need.
In everyday life, for example, we know that carbon dioxide emissions contribute to global warming, yet we continue using fossil fuels. It’s one example of using something because it’s necessary, even though we know it isn’t good for us.
In the same way, I think it’s fine to accept only what you need for now, and quit once you no longer need it.
It’s the same idea as using clean energy that doesn’t produce carbon dioxide, haha.
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