I’m a male member. If a woman asks for 50, I give her 80; if she asks for 70, I give her 100; and if she asks for 100, I give her 130.
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Here’s the problem: if they would just show me a little extra favor, I’d continue seeing them, but every woman seems to cut corners—or maybe just not make an effort. It feels like such a waste.
By “show me a little extra favor,”
I mean something as simple as kissing me a little more or acting like we’re a couple while we’re in the room. But they won’t even do that, so things rarely develop into an ongoing arrangement.
There’s no way a woman is going to fall for me, so of course she isn’t going to act like I’m her boyfriend. We only exchange the minimum amount of messages—about once a week—and I never ask them to do anything they dislike (like manual stimulation). I’m supposed to be an easygoing papa (a male supporter) who doesn’t require much effort from them.
And yet, almost without fail, they beg me not to leave when we part ways.
I think, “You should have made an effort before crying,” but by then I’ve already lost interest, and I have no desire to repair the relationship. So we simply say goodbye.
Maybe this isn’t really a question, but why can’t women make an effort when I’m supposedly a papa whose terms aren’t bad? I honestly find it baffling.
In the end, the women I continue seeing long-term aren’t the ones with the best looks or physical chemistry—they’re the ones who are willing to make an effort.
I’m BB7, a male member.
The idea that “I gave her a generous allowance, so she’ll surely make more of an effort” is unrealistic to begin with.
Since it sounds like you may not be putting in much effort in ways other than the allowance, that could be why, don’t you think?
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I’m Flag Maker, a columnist.
Oh, I totally get this. I was the same way. So these days, I try to ask for something in return that feels worthwhile to me.
By “something in return,” I just mean things like being on top, taking things from behind, using adult toys, or making oral last a little longer.
I realized that if I kept expecting things on my own and then getting disappointed without ever communicating what I wanted, I’d just keep repeating the same pattern.
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I’m Tetsu, a male member.
That’s kind of strange. Saying, “I’m giving you more money, so you should put in more effort,” is just your one-sided way of thinking. From the woman’s perspective, she’d probably wonder what you’re even talking about.
Besides, what exactly do you expect her to put more effort into? If there’s something you want her to do, just ask her specifically. You’re being incredibly selfish.
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Maezawa from the CEO’s office here.
I think your strategy of giving her more than she asks for is definitely leading to a good relationship.
You probably haven’t been cut off by a woman before, have you?
So why doesn’t she show you just a little more favoritism? I think it’s because she herself hasn’t realized that she can.
Since you’re giving her a generous allowance, I imagine she also wants to continue seeing you long term. Your priority is probably quite high.
If that’s the case, I think it’s fine to make a few small requests, as long as they don’t make her dislike you.
For example:
“I’d be happy if you kissed me a little more.”
“While we’re in the room, be a little more like my girlfriend.”
I think it would be good to say things like that.
Women don’t necessarily know that you want them to kiss you more. If anything, she may assume that the man is supposed to initiate the kissing.
I think you should tell her as much as possible what you’d like her to do.
Expecting her to understand without saying anything is just selfish.
You could work into the conversation things like what kind of women you like and what they do that makes you happy.
Saying nothing and then complaining that she doesn’t understand feels a bit too much like putting her through some kind of trial.
Try expressing yourself more and letting her know what you like.
If you like women who make an effort, I think it would be kind to tell her that.
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I’m Date◎Yume, a male member.
> Why can’t I put in more effort even though he seems like a papa whose terms aren’t bad?
I understand what you’re asking. From what I gather, you may not actually be unable to put in the effort.
Even in a dating club, both men and women are probably feeling their way through things when they first meet someone. The woman may also be unsure of what she should do to make you happy as she navigates the relationship.
In that situation, being told, “I wish you had done more of this...” might simply leave her thinking, “Oh, is that how you felt?” That’s how I interpreted your post.
Did you tell her what you wanted from the relationship when it began? I couldn’t tell from your question.
You could try clearly communicating your wishes first, continuing the relationship, and then deciding how you feel about it.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
If you didn’t tell her how you wanted to be treated favorably, she isn’t psychic, so there’s no way she could know what you’re looking for or do what you want.
The problem isn’t what happens from here on out—it goes back to the very foundation of expecting to get what you want without saying anything and trying to make that happen by increasing the allowance.
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Ayase Nana ♡
Wow, he’s offering more than you hoped for? I’d love to say, “Then Ayase Nana should make an offer too,” but if you want him to treat you like a girlfriend, you need to act that way too.
Why not try a little harder from your next offer onward?
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I’m in Seattle.
I also make an effort in ways beyond money, so she’ll genuinely like me as a papa and feel motivated to keep seeing me.
Specifically, I keep the conversation fun, try getting into her hobbies, and never look down on her just because she’s younger.
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I’m paper airplane, a male member.
Isn’t that giving too much? If everyone kept it to five at most, wouldn’t we be able to choose each other and continue seeing someone we find cute and endearing, appreciate, and have good chemistry with—both physically and in terms of appearance?
Even if you continue seeing a woman who “works hard for you,” I don’t think it would be all that enjoyable. She’ll leave too if she finds someone offering slightly better terms.
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Does that mean he’s a man you can only date if you work hard, just because he gives a good allowance?
Ah, no—that’s not it. Even if you don’t make any effort, he’ll quietly give you a generous allowance, but if you think that’s enough, he’ll cut you off.
If you don’t want to make the effort to have someone fall for you, why not stick with short-term women who are only in it for the allowance?
I want to be with someone I genuinely like.
Marika
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