What do you talk about with your partner while dining together?
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Thankfully, I’ve received offers from several people, but whenever things continue beyond the first meeting, I struggle because I never know what to talk about.
At the first meeting, the conversation flows reasonably well as we continue getting to know each other, but from the second meeting onward, I find it difficult.
I think the problem is probably that I don’t have many topics to draw from.
In my entire life, I’ve only met two or three people whose hobbies matched mine—and none through the club. It’s not particularly unusual, but people who aren’t interested in those hobbies don’t seem to find them interesting at all, so they never ask further questions.
I’m often asked, “What do you watch on TV?” but I hardly watch anything besides the news, and even then I just have it on in the background, so I don’t really know the announcers’ names or anything like that.
I can keep up if we’re talking about currently popular celebrities, but when it comes to younger celebrities, the men often say, “Who’s that?” On the other hand, if they’re celebrities in their 40s or older, I don’t know much about their past, so the conversation doesn’t really get going.
I live alone, so my weekdays consist of work, housework, and studying for qualifications. On weekends, I spend my time cleaning, shopping, socializing with friends, and enjoying my hobbies, so I don’t have the time or energy to start something new.
That said, I’m not unhappy with my job, so there isn’t really anything I want to ask for advice about.
I’ve thought about simply focusing on listening to the men talk, but perhaps because we don’t have much in common, they end up telling me the same stories every time. I know it’s selfish, but I do get a little bored.
I do talk about the food in front of us, but I don’t have the conversational skills to keep that going for one or two hours.
I feel bad turning down dinner invitations and asking to meet only at a hotel, so I’d really like to find a solution somehow.
I’d appreciate hearing what everyone else talks about while dining together, for reference.
Also,
I’m paper airplane, a male member.
For times that fall awkwardly between schedules—or when work runs late and you can only meet later in the evening—why not suggest meeting at a hotel only?
Even if you’re talking about the same things or just making casual conversation, some people click and can laugh together, while others simply don’t.
Unless you naturally enjoy talking together, I think meeting at a hotel only can be an option.
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I’m Date◎Yume, a male member.
Talking about your boss sounds good too. It would be nice if you knew how the other person viewed their boss, but even if you don’t, you can talk about things like whether they have a good or bad boss, or something their boss said that hurt or pleased them. Before you know it, the time will fly by（笑).
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Ayase Nana ♡
For example, let’s say walking is your hobby. Do you go in the morning, evening, or at night? If it’s in the evening, you could mention how beautiful the sunset was the other day, or how you got caught in a sudden shower and ended up soaked from head to toe. You could talk about what brand you wear—like NIKE—or how walking helped you lose weight or build muscle.
Keep branching off into related topics and expanding the conversation. You can probably talk for three hours.
Give it a try!
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I’m Aya, one of the female members.
As Marika pointed out, “What do you watch on TV?” is probably a pretty tough question to rely on by now. From his perspective, it may feel like he has nothing to ask you about. He might find you attractive as a woman, but still have doubts about whether you’re someone he could build a long-term relationship with.
Not just with a papa (a male supporter)—do you generally struggle to keep conversations going with people from completely different worlds from yours, such as those of a different age, profession, or upbringing?
If so, there’s a good chance some people will continue to see you as “boring,” so I think you need to broaden your horizons, perhaps by reading more books. I know that sounds harsh…
If you don’t have much to draw on yourself, try focusing on listening to what the other person has to say. But even then, if you don’t have a range of questions to ask, you may not be able to fully understand their stories. As you mentioned yourself, this really comes down to your own effort. Read as much as you can, look up things they talked about afterward, and ask about them the next time you meet. Make a genuine effort to listen. That’s about all you can do. This doesn’t seem like something you can solve with a few superficial conversation tricks.
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Maezawa from the President’s Office here.
> “What do you watch on TV?” is something I’m often asked, but I hardly watch anything besides the news—and even then, it’s usually just on in the background, so I don’t really know the announcers’ names.
These days, a lot of people don’t watch TV, and I think more and more people don’t even own one.
So I think it’s perfectly fine to simply say, “I don’t watch TV.”
> When it comes to celebrities in their 40s or older, I don’t know much about their past, so the conversation doesn’t really get going.
If you ask your papa which celebrities he likes, you could look them up, listen to their music, or watch their videos.
That way, you may have more to talk about the next time you meet.
> Since I live alone, my weekdays are basically just work, housework, and studying for certifications.
I think anything is fine. You can talk about work, housework, or your studies.
If there’s something you enjoy, you could talk about that too.
Even if the other person doesn’t know much about it, they’ll probably still listen.
Even if they say, “I don’t know about that,” you don’t need to be discouraged. They’re simply saying they’re unfamiliar with it, and as you continue talking, they may become interested.
Another useful technique is to repeat or echo what the other person says.
If you search for “parroting” or “active listening,” you’ll find plenty of information.
For now, don’t worry too much about it. Just focus on looking at your partner and smiling.
If you do that, you can create a pleasant atmosphere even without much conversation.
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If someone is asking you, “What do you watch on TV?” it sounds like the conversation is really running out of steam.
Your hobbies don’t have to be the same. You could listen to your partner talk about their interests with genuine curiosity, or talk so passionately about your own hobbies that they start wanting to try them too. If you’ve been alive for over 20 years, there must be at least a few places you’ve both traveled to, or some other point of common ground.
Even with the same number of experiences, I think it may come down to conversational skills—being able to listen and talk in an engaging way.
You don’t seem to dislike learning, so why not try reading a self-help book on that subject? It might help with work and your relationships with other people, too.
Marika
P.S. Alternatively, if you only date people with whom conversation flows naturally without you having to try, or people who can sit in silence without it feeling awkward, you won’t need to change.
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I’m Flag Maker, a columnist.
In my case, the pattern is usually that the woman talks endlessly about herself while I listen endlessly. I hear all about her part-time job, work, hobbies, and so on. The easiest and most comfortable approach is to ask questions here and there, keep the conversation going, and let her talk as much as she wants.
Because even when I occasionally talk about myself, she doesn’t really expand on it or keep the conversation going at the level I’d like, so it’s not that engaging. Still, I’d like her to listen to me a little too, haha.
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