Our meals have gradually become more local and cheaper, and I can’t help feeling like I’ve been relegated to the “doesn’t matter” group. Is it difficult to get back to the kind of relationship where we enjoyed dates like before? He used to take me to places like hotel buffets. He also used to bring me a small gift whenever we met. Whenever I gave him a gift, he would always message me afterward to tell me what he thought of it. Now, even when I give him something, he doesn’t say anything about it.
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It makes me sad and angry that he’s started treating me so casually.
Maybe it’s partly my own fault, but I’m sad because I respect him and treat him as someone important.
Being with him makes me feel like I’m being treated as an object rather than as a person.
Just a tool for satisfying his sexual urges.
He meets me and has his way with me.
Maybe choosing to focus on just him wasn’t the best decision.
I’m wondering whether I should register again.
I’m Nana Ayase, one of the female members ♡
I completely understand how you feel—when the allowance for dinner gets lowered, it can make you feel like you’ve become less important to him.
Going out to an upscale restaurant takes time, so if you’re able to hold hands, cuddle up close, and be affectionate during that time, I think it should be okay.
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I’m Shingo Lee, a male member.
I’m surprised by how many encouraging messages others have sent.
>> Maybe narrowing my choice down to just him wasn’t the best decision. I’m wondering whether I should register again.
I think you already see the solution—you’re simply hesitant about taking that step. And I believe this is the only real solution available.
There are laws in this world as certain as “if you toss an apple into the air, it will fall back down.” One of them is that the only thing that can truly bind a person is attraction.
You may be able to tie someone down with money or a contract, but that isn’t a genuine bond—it doesn’t capture their heart.
At the moment, you haven’t been able to hold on to him through your own appeal. I think you would be better off looking for someone else.
However, there are two things that can bind a person more effectively than money or a contract: feelings and memories.
When feelings aren’t shared both ways, someone who should have remained close may end up leaving. By honestly expressing how you feel, you may be able to establish a mutual emotional connection. It’s worth trying.
The other is memories.
Apparently, the average person’s brain can’t maintain sexual excitement toward the same person for more than four years. So why are there married couples who stay together for decades? It’s because of the power of the memories they’ve built by spending four years or more together.
Why not draw on the power of those memories by bringing the other person’s memories back to life? If you truly want to keep them from leaving, why not use your own money to take them to a place they once took you, where you were happy to go with them?
Whatever the outcome, as long as you’re alive, you can find happiness.
I sincerely hope you have a wonderful encounter.
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I’m Basil, a male member.
When it comes to meals, I’m not really in a position to criticize anyone else. With COVID-era business-hour restrictions, along with my appetite declining and my interest in food itself fading, these days I tend to keep things simple after the second meeting.
That said, if a woman has something specific in mind, I try to accommodate her.
As for the example in your question, it sounds like the common situation where someone gets bored and stops taking care of the “fish they’ve already caught.” In that case, I think you have no choice but to look for someone else.
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Maezawa from the president’s office will answer as well.
> The meals have gradually become closer by and cheaper, and I can’t help feeling like I’ve been relegated to the “doesn’t really matter” group.
There’s a saying: “Once you’ve caught the fish, you stop feeding it.”
As a relationship continues for a long time, I think this tends to happen naturally. He’s probably become completely comfortable with you.
If you continue to like him without doing anything and show no signs of going elsewhere, this is generally what happens.
> Maybe it was a mistake to focus exclusively on him.
Exactly.
Some people need to feel that, even if you’re seeing them, you might still go elsewhere.
I think the person you’re seeing now may be that type. Of course, there are men who will continue to treat you considerately even in a long-term relationship without being told—but I think they’re in the minority.
With that in mind:
> I’m wondering whether I should register again.
You should register again.
This time, I think you should see at least three people at the same time. Doing so may improve your hormone balance and even make you more attractive.
Your current man may then start thinking:
“Huh? It’s getting surprisingly hard to make plans with her. I wonder what’s going on?”
Eventually, he may notice signs of other men and possibly return to treating you the way he used to.
So, first things first: register again.
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I’m Aya, a female member.
I understand how you feel. I also used to worry when my papa (a male supporter) of two years stopped taking me to the upscale restaurants he used to frequent in the beginning and started choosing more casual places like ramen shops and Italian restaurants. But in return, we began spending more relaxed time together, almost like a regular boyfriend and girlfriend, so I try to look at it positively.
I’ve even developed this mysterious confidence that I spend more time with him—and receive more allowance—than any other woman, so our relationship is very stable. lol I hope things work out that way for you too…
With a fancy dinner, the atmosphere is nice and there are often dishes you’ve never seen before, so you never run out of things to talk about. In other words, even if your relationship is still fairly new, you can have a decent conversation and keep things going.
On the other hand, at a cheap, nearby restaurant, there may not be anything especially impressive or interesting about the atmosphere or food. So unless you genuinely enjoy talking and feel comfortable with each other, it can be hard to keep the conversation going. That may mean that, to your papa, you’re someone he can relax with—a person with whom even a nearby restaurant is enough to make the time pass comfortably.
It’s fine to sulk occasionally, but try to be someone your papa feels at ease with.
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I’m Taro, a male member.
This has basically turned into advice for a couple going through a rough patch（笑).
If you don’t like something, just say so. Get angry, act sulky, and tell him you feel he isn’t treating you as someone important. Or be straightforward about your feelings and talk things through. You could also suggest doing something special together. By bringing back that sense of freshness—and repeating that process—you may be able to build a relationship with deeper roots.
Giving up here and moving on to someone else is certainly an option, but if you keep doing that, I don’t think you’ll ever be able to build a lasting relationship. In a sense, this is a hurdle that any man and woman who have been together for a long time will eventually face.
And, to be blunt, for men, women can be an outlet for sexual urges. But if that were truly all there was to it, they’d get bored and move on. The reason he continues seeing you is because there’s something beyond that. It’s not merely that you’re convenient—he feels comfortable with you. Without a doubt, you’re an important person to him. So keep trying different approaches until you get him to open up about how he really feels.
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I’m Paper Airplane, a male member who almost cried out today when I saw the price of cucumbers at the supermarket.
> It makes me sad and angry that he’s started treating me so casually.
Try looking at it in a more positive light.
We don’t bother being overly considerate with people we’re close to.
Maybe he simply wants to spend money where it feels worthwhile.
Once you become close, it might just be Sushiro, Gusto, a bento from the local takeout place, or a convenience store.
That said, precisely because he usually keeps things inexpensive, he might happily splurge if you ask him to take you somewhere you really want to go.
Why not give it a try for a little while first…? (They’re only cucumbers, but when they cost twice as much as usual, I lose the desire to buy them. If it’s something a woman would enjoy, though, that’s a different story.)
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I’m Tetsu, a male member.
You can’t change someone else’s actions or feelings. And regretting the past won’t change anything in reality.
Even if you said, “I’d like to go to a hotel buffet again,” he might take you there that time, but I think things would eventually go back to how they were. Everyone has such different attitudes toward dining that it can feel like there’s no one else in the world who thinks exactly the same way. For him, a hotel buffet may feel like he’s trying to reach beyond his means, while casual nearby restaurants may simply suit him better.
If you’re thinking of staying together for a long time, consider whether you can accept his attitude toward dining. If not, you should look for someone new. There are plenty of men in this world, after all (lol).
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I’m a male member named Kazu.
It may look that way from a woman’s perspective, but to men, a woman they can meet casually is rare and valuable.
It’s not that the meals became more local or inexpensive because he narrowed things down to just you. I think it’s because you’ve become a more everyday part of his life.
I understand that it feels sad to be treated casually. Since you were happy when he took you to a hotel buffet, I think you should simply tell him you’d like to go again.
That said, having more options is probably better, so re-registering might also be worth considering.
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