How to treat and be considerate toward a man with ED.
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Hello. This is my first time posting a question, so thank you in advance.
After receiving my allowance for a monthly arrangement, we went to a hotel twice.
The first time, he only gave me foreplay and we stopped there. He said that as long as I was satisfied, that was enough for him.
The second time, just like the first, he initially gave me foreplay. It was only afterward that I realized he had ED.
Apparently, he can’t get hard unless he receives oral stimulation, and he asked me to give him oral sex, but I refused because kissing and oral sex are off-limits for me.
In the end, we weren’t able to have intercourse that day.
I had never been with a man with ED before, so I didn’t know what to do and simply pretended not to notice.
He is very gentlemanly and kind. Since he likes me enough to provide me with financial support, I want him to enjoy himself too, not just me.
So my questions are:
1. Can a man still be satisfied even if he doesn’t reach ejaculation?
2. If he isn’t satisfied, what can a woman do for him?
3. Can receiving oral sex sometimes help a man with ED get an erection?
*Personally, I’m absolutely unwilling to give unprotected oral sex because I’m afraid of STIs. I also don’t like using a condom because the taste lingers in my mouth. If there’s any solution, I’d appreciate your advice on that as well.
Sorry for making this so long.
I look forward to hearing everyone’s responses. Thank you.
I’m Maezawa from the president’s office, and I’ll answer as well.
> 1. Can a man be satisfied even if he doesn’t reach ejaculation?
Some men can be satisfied, but I think this man is asking for oral sex because he isn’t satisfied.
> 2. If he isn’t satisfied, what can the woman do?
Give him oral sex, I suppose. But if you’re saying, “I absolutely don’t want to do it without protection because I’m afraid of STIs, and I don’t like using a condom because the taste lingers in my mouth,”
then the only other option I can think of is a handjob. However, unless you’re exceptionally skilled, I think it’s more likely that he won’t climax.
Given that, I don’t think there’s anything else you can do. (If you have a large bust, there’s also a titjob.)
If there’s nothing you can do, there’s a good chance the relationship will end anyway, so I think it’s best to be direct at this point.
Something like: “I absolutely can’t give you oral sex, so would you please take medication?”
He’ll probably be surprised, and it may lead to the relationship ending. But if there’s nothing else you can do anyway, you might as well ask, knowing you have nothing to lose.
Some people say they can’t take the medication because of an underlying condition, but most of them haven’t actually discussed it with a doctor. They’ve simply convinced themselves of that.
Have him visit an ED clinic.
> 3. Even if a man has ED, can he sometimes get an erection if he receives oral sex?
I think that can happen.
> I don’t like using a condom because the taste lingers in my mouth.
Products labeled 0.01 mm or 0.02 mm aren’t made of rubber, so they might be okay.
Why not try one once?
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I’m a male member, Chikuwa.
There’s a condom called Trip Skin that’s designed specifically for oral sex. Why not give it a try? Other than that, there are plenty of ways to satisfy him, like sensual massages or exploring his whole body with your tongue. Men can also normally feel pleasure in their ears, nipples, neck, back, fingers, armpits, and so on…
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I’m Fuu, a column writer.
It’s lovely that you’re considerate enough to want your partner to enjoy himself too. It makes me want to root for you. He sounds like a nice guy, and since he seems to have money, if you can’t satisfy him, there’s a chance he may move on to someone else who can.
I think he’d probably feel more relaxed and satisfied if he ejaculated. Even if you can’t make him finish through penetration, it would be nice to help him reach climax somehow.
If the only reason you’re not okay with oral is the condom smell, one of Fuu’s favorite supporters says that the lubricant on Okamoto condoms tastes bad and smells like rubber. Sagami condoms are made of polyurethane rather than rubber, so they apparently smell less, and the lubricant tastes a little better too. Alternatively, you could wipe off some of the lubricant on the Okamoto condom and apply another lubricant with a nicer smell and taste before giving him oral.
A handjob with a condom on, using its lubricant.
Nana’s suggestion of starting with a condom-assisted dry hump and then moving straight to penetration also sounds good.
It depends on your relationship, but during pillow talk, you could try saying sweetly and casually, “I really do want you to be inside me. Would you consider taking Viagra or something?”
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I’m Flag Maker, a column writer.
No need to overthink it—this is the one:
“Men’s-esthe-style close-contact, borderline oil massage + handjob + prostate (anal) massage”
I’ll tease him by slipping a finger in and saying, “Ohhh, I thought you couldn’t get hard without a blowjob♡ You’re such a liar♡”
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Ayase Nana here.
If he can get hard from oral, I don’t think it’s ED.
Since he’s giving you an allowance, you probably want to get him hard and help him finish if possible, right? How about using lotion for some body-to-body rubbing?
You could also press him between your breasts and drizzle some of your saliva over them. Then, when the moment feels right, slip it in and moan sweetly—he’ll get excited, and you’ll probably help him climax. Try watching porn to get some ideas.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
> 1. Can men feel satisfied even if they don’t reach ejaculation?
Sometimes, yes.
But if I found a woman who could bring me to ejaculation, I’d go with her instead.
> 2. If they can’t feel satisfied, what can the woman do?
If oral sex is off the table, then maybe a massage or manual stimulation.
> 3. Even if a man has ED, can oral sex sometimes help him get an erection?
ED refers to reduced erectile function. It doesn’t necessarily mean being completely unable to get an erection. So yes, there are men with ED who can get hard from oral sex.
I haven’t had sex without oral sex since I was a teenager, so I’m not confident I could get and maintain an erection long enough to have sex without it. I can get hard while pleasuring a woman because of how responsive she is, but if I tried to penetrate at that point, I’d probably come to my senses and lose my erection while putting on the condom.
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I’m a male member, “Paper Airplane.”
I end up worrying about all sorts of things.
From the question, it sounds like the best way to show consideration may be to not worry about anything at all…
In reality, that might be the hardest thing to do.
Even if he can’t have penetrative sex or reach orgasm right now, I think he may still be perfectly satisfied as long as they have meaningful time together—touching, embracing, and relaxing.
> 1. Can a man be satisfied even if he doesn’t reach orgasm?
He won’t be fully satisfied, but it can’t be helped.
> 2. If he isn’t satisfied, what can the woman do?
They can embrace and touch each other, or gently touch him with her hand. I don’t think she needs to make a special effort or overthink it.
> 3. Can someone with ED become erect if he receives oral sex?
I think it’s possible, but in the situation described, it sounds like he has severe ED, so I don’t think he’s placing much importance on getting an erection or reaching orgasm. He probably understands very well that if he focuses too much on those things, he’ll feel even more pressure and may find it impossible to become erect.
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I’m Shingo Lee (Shingori), a male member.
I was touched by how considerate you are. You clearly maintain firm boundaries with your partner while still wanting to satisfy them as much as possible.
As for your questions:
1. Can a man be satisfied without reaching ejaculation?
>> It depends on the person. Why not ask your partner directly?
I’m fine without penetration or ejaculation, but I do need to be stimulated sufficiently to feel satisfied.
2. If he isn’t satisfied, what can the woman do?
>> Asking him is best, but you could try forms of stimulation that are less likely to involve STIs.
For example, nipple licking and handjobs are options that are less likely to transmit STIs and are easier to manage afterward.
3. Can someone with ED get erect from receiving oral sex?
>> It depends on the severity of the ED.
If it isn’t complete ED, some men can get an erection when they’re receiving oral sex, since it can be highly stimulating. Some men can’t climax through penetration but can through oral sex.
Finally, there are flavored condoms made specifically for oral sex. If you dislike the aftertaste of regular condoms, why not give them a try?
I hope you and your partner have a wonderful time together.
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Some people may suggest non-latex condoms, but that’s not really the issue here, is it?
You may have no choice but to hone your skills so you can manage with your hands.
If you told him beforehand that you don’t do oral and he was okay with that, then fine. But if not, and considering that he didn’t tell you he had ED, there was clearly far too little communication.
And agreeing to a monthly arrangement based on that is far too hasty.
I wonder if he isn’t taking any medication, either. Rather than expecting the woman to make all the effort, he should do what he can too.
Marika
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