Please tell me how to avoid being cheated on. No matter how hard they try to keep it secret, I always end up finding out, and it’s really painful. I’d appreciate perspectives from both men and women.

I’m Kamihikōki, a male member. I don’t think you need to figure this out, but even with the best compatibility in the world, men still cheat.

I’m Taro, a male member. First of all, it seems suspicious that you “found out your partner was cheating.” Did they confess? Or is it simply that you came to suspect it and convinced yourself it was true? Second, how do you define cheating? Is it cheating if they have sex with someone else—even if they were just satisfying their urges at a sex-service establishment? Conversely, if they haven’t had sex but have found someone other than you who’s become important to them, is that cheating? Which do you think is the more serious betrayal? If all you want is to control someone you like, there are probably various techniques you can use. They’re all superficial, though. Still, that kind of game can be fun. If you have the money, you could hire a detective agency specializing in infidelity and uncover all sorts of things, then make a plan of action. You may end up living a life unable to find peace, but I think you’d feel fulfilled to some extent. If you’re looking for a fundamental solution, start by becoming the most important person to your partner. “Cheating” is fine—it’s only temporary and doesn’t involve genuine feelings. Of course, people cheat because they aren’t fully invested in the relationship, so the second step is to create that kind of situation. But without the first step, you can’t get to the second. And when it comes to that second step, I think it’s about using the carrot rather than the stick. They don’t stay because of some regime of fear; they stay because being with you is enjoyable and fulfilling. Sex is important too, but I don’t think it’s about technique. If you genuinely like each other and are comfortable together, they can climax repeatedly without much movement after penetration. They may even be able to climax from vibrations alone, without penetration. More than anything, though, the nonsexual aspects matter. Little conversations, or the sense of reassurance when your skin happens to touch. Being able to confide what’s really troubling you, or having someone understand how you feel without you even having to put it into words. I think it’s better to really think about those things—or rather, not just analyze them in your head, but feel them first and then reflect on them.

Maezawa from the CEO’s office here. If the other person wants to be with just one person, I don’t think they’ll cheat as long as they’re satisfied with their partner. I feel that dissatisfaction in some area can lead to cheating. So if you spend a lot of time being intimate, you should work on your compatibility in that area. If you spend a lot of time eating together, then I think you should focus on making those meals more enjoyable. That said, in the end, it may simply come down to compatibility.

I’m Flag Maker, a column writer. I recently received a similar question from someone I’ve been having a low-key affair with for some time—she’s married now—and we ultimately concluded that “having sex with her husband about three times a week” and “using money as leverage” would be effective.

I’m Fuu, a column writer. That’s a pretty difficult question. What exactly should count as cheating? You’re assuming that because you’re faithful, the other person must be in the wrong for not being the same way, right? But what about their feelings? Their freedom? In a sense, this is me stirring things up in this dating club—a hotbed of cheating, you could say（笑） People who say cheating is wrong—do they mean you should love only one person? That you should just put up with it? Since we’re human, should we control our impulses? Maybe it’s because, without rules tying us down, humans would naturally cheat all the time. But from our animalistic side, we want to pass our genes on to future generations. On a genetic level, men want to be with attractive, young women. Their bodies crave those genes because they increase the chances of having young, cute children. Women are drawn to wealthy men, instinctively recognizing men who can provide a happy life. In ancient times, women were drawn to strong men who could hunt; today, money has taken their place. If you tried cheating yourself and opened your heart to it, you might find that your partner’s cheating doesn’t bother you as much. Psychology offers one theory about why people get so self-righteous and lash out in anger on social media over celebrities cheating. The idea is that they secretly want to cheat and have a lot of H themselves, and their anger comes from thinking, “Why are you having all that H when I’m desperately holding myself back?” It’s only one theory, though. Assuming the question came from a woman: With papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), you may be seeing multiple people at the same time. But when you’re with a gentlemanly papa (a male supporter), you’re cherished and treated as important in that moment, he spends money on you, you enjoy delicious food, and then have some good H. Why not open your heart to it? I think your perspective may change and you’ll see a different world. If you’re interested, welcome to this side of the world!

I’m Date◎Yume, a male member. I’m with Kazu on this one! I think he’s absolutely right. Can you think of anything that might have caused it? It’s better to solve the problem first than to keep a secret（笑).

I’m Kazu, a male member. If I felt fulfilled, I probably wouldn’t cheat.