I’m a male member. I want to take things into a pseudo-romantic relationship, but I can’t bring myself to. I’ve never been possessive, said “I like you,” or held hands during a date. It’s not that I don’t want to, but from her perspective, she’s in a position where she has no choice but to accept those things, so I feel very hesitant about doing them.
I’m Tetsu, a male member.
I understand the desire to experience a simulated romance, but romance involves another person. Doing something the other person dislikes isn’t romance.
You’re free to tell your partner that you like them or express your feelings in other ways. But whether they’re comfortable with it is a separate matter.
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I’m Taro, a male member.
I don’t really understand what you mean. If you see it as “pretend romance,” then just play along and act out whatever you want. Things like being possessive, saying you like her, or holding hands on a date—you can treat everything you mentioned as part of the role-play and enjoy her reactions.
It’s not like you have to keep things pretend, either. Genuine feelings are fine too. Sometimes it works out, and sometimes you get completely rejected. But once you’ve gained some experience, you can usually tell which women are a good fit for you, right? And if you go for it and it doesn’t work, it just means you weren’t serious enough.
Of course, there are also those mysterious relationships somewhere in between. That’s what a dating club is. Finding a balance there is one possible answer, too.
People who live by clinging to something feel uneasy when they’re told that all the variables are up to them. But it’s okay. If you act according to what you believe in, there will always be a path forward. Sometimes things work out and sometimes they don’t; sometimes you’re excited and sometimes you’re down. But that’s youth, isn’t it? You might as well enjoy the twilight of your youth to the fullest.
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I’m in Seattle.
I think you’re a good person because you’re able to keep yourself in check.
As for holding hands, those moments will come naturally when the time is right—like when she gets accepted to college and you see her off, or when one of her goals comes true and you celebrate together.
Don’t think of her as a PJ; think of her as your girlfriend. Cherish her without being possessive, and as long as it lasts for years, you should be fine.
If you can burn your ¥10,000 bills wisely and die laughing, that would be the best.
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I’m Meg, a female member.
I guess it really depends on the person you’re seeing.
I’ve been asked to take a break from the site and to see only him, but I love my papa (a male supporter), so it’s not a problem for me.
I’m always the one saying things like, “I love you so much,” “I want to hold hands,” and “I want lots of kisses!!!” (By the way, today is Kiss Day.) He’ll say, “I love you too. Let’s have lots of kisses next time,” so I feel like we have a really affectionate relationship.
Does the other person say things like that on his own?
I think that’s the key point.
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I’m Aya, a female member.
I think that in dating clubs, the mature men who don’t overstep boundaries or show romantic feelings are the ones women are most attracted to.
I genuinely adore several papas and have fallen into a kind of pseudo-romance with them, but not one of them ever said “I love you” or anything like that of his own accord.
Some of them may have been married, but I liked that they didn’t casually throw around words of love when they couldn’t ultimately take responsibility for them. As a result, I ended up completely hooked on the fantasy of romance. I believe eros is vulgarity held in check. Keep up the good work.
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I’m BB7, a male member.
Some women want a completely transactional relationship and find pseudo-romance annoying or too much effort, while others can’t do it without at least some romantic feelings.
So there’s no problem as long as you choose someone who feels the same way.
That said, while most women are fine with things like saying you like them or holding hands, they generally don’t like being controlled or restricted. Best to avoid that.
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I’m date◎yume, a male member.
Rather than forcing yourself into a pseudo-romantic relationship, wouldn’t it be better to have a special-friend kind of relationship?
I feel that “like” is enough when it comes to feelings, too. The age gap is so large that I can’t really get too involved, but that’s how I see it.
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I’m Maezawa from the President’s Office, and I’ll answer as well.
Pretend romance and possessiveness are two different things.
The person asking may have been possessive in past relationships, but things work a little differently in the world of dating clubs.
It’s difficult to explain, but it might help to think of it like *The Little Match Girl*.
Imagine that you buy one match, and you can enjoy a romantic relationship only for as long as that match is burning.
The time the match is burning would basically be the time you’re actually together.
During that time, I think it’s fine to say things like “I like you” or hold hands during a date.
That said, holding hands or showing affection in public depends on whether the other person is comfortable with it and whether you personally mind being seen.
I think you’re probably worried about causing the other person trouble. But as long as you limit it to the time you’re together and continue to be considerate of them, I believe it should be fine.
P.S. I had a feeling *The Little Match Girl* wasn’t the best example, but Mac’s version of *The Little Match Girl* is, as expected, excellent. It’s funny.
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I’m Paper Airplane, a male member.
> They’re in a position where they have no choice but to accept those things.
Exactly—I think that’s a very valid point.
If you understand that, I think it would be good to work on your own way of communicating so that the woman can genuinely relax and enjoy herself naturally, in the way she wants.
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